Staying on top of it

I was feeling it.  Burnt out.  So I pulled a most unusual-for-Caren kind of day this past Tuesday.  I wrote blissfully for a couple of hours and watched old episodes of What Not to Wear while I unpicked a quilt binding and made Easter decorations and cleaned out our scrapbooking paper box.  Of course once the kids got home I ran like a mad woman, but later that night I worked on a puzzle for an hour while Todd was out tending his bees.  Just so uncharacteristically unproductive and fluffy.  I basked in my day off.

But taking in an indulgent favorite show from the past propelled me to reflect on how I'd feel if I were the guest.  Admittedly, I would almost like to be nominated.  Except there’s no way I could agree to be on tv.  I’d cry of embarrassment when they’d dump on my clothes.  But it prompted me to look objectively at my wardrobe.  Which is the least likely description you can give the clothes hanging in my closet.  I simply have three pairs of jeans I wear, two for camping, a pair of black dress pants, a pair of khakis that make me feel fat, about nine skirts, no dresses.  Some tops.  Four pairs of shorts.  And some workout clothes.  Mostly hand-me-downs from my sporty sister that make me feel like false advertising.  (In fact, I was wearing a Stanford sweatshirt of hers once and a guy commented on their team and asked what I thought.  I had no idea what sport season we might be in, let alone what kind of team they had.)  It’s not a thought-out “wardrobe” by any stretch.  I rarely buy clothes.  Especially new clothes.  Usually jeans and shorts I do, but only maybe once a year.  I bought a skirt last year for some reason.  That was unlike me….  So it’s pieced together, and it really could just use an overhaul.  Except that the ladies on What Not to Wear get a card worth $5,000.   There is no way on this planet I’d agree to spend even $1,000 on myself.  Because any time I think about doing it I realize Bronwyn needs sandals, Andrew needs shoes for track because he’s been getting shin splints, track fees are due, Avery needs shorts, Callum needs a new coat.  I certainly don’t need to buy a dress.  I’ve gone without one for years and years.  I’m good.  And so life marches on, and so do styles.  This made me think of how when I let things go, before I know it, I’ve got a huge problem looming when I should’ve just taken a few dollars here and there to stay current with a new necklace or shirt or skirt.  I just always put it off, waiting for another payday, thinking I’ll get to it in a bit.  Which is why it needs a complete overhaul at this point.

I noticed this in another way last weekend when I was watching Conference on Saturday.  I love ironing, so it was the perfect task.  But I pulled out all the short and long sleeves (spring in Montana and all), and I ironed for more than two hours.  It’s easier when I do it weekly and keep up.  Even I was a little done with ironing by the time the last shirt’s top button was fastened.  Same holds true with the oven.  Easier to wipe out small spills than wait til you have to chisel out baked-on lasagna.  And the microwave.  Laundry and dishes can get out of control within a day or two.  My mom’s so great about trying to teach me to clean as I go, to have a sink of warm soapy water.  I’m slowly getting it, but I’m not there.  She’s also taught me to wipe out the fridge every so often so it never gets crazy dirty; I have to agree with that strategy.  But I get side-tracked and instead of doing a batch of blinds every now, after taking most of the winter off, I’ve now got a whole house to get to.  Easier to do a little at a time.   I’m good with some parts of my life and the house, but I’m hit and miss.

Ignoring this principle is what brought me to my day off in the first place, and I’m surprised that it came to this.  Because I really have tried to take time for myself in small ways over the years with my mom’s pep talks looming in the back of my head. But I’d been feeling drained, not because my life is demanding, but I think because spring is coming and I’m realizing I haven’t gotten to many of the tiny projects I’d put aside for the winter months.  My quilt from fall still needs a new binding.  I have pictures I want to frame.  I love doing puzzles but Christmas comes and goes and they get put away.  I have My List on Netflix but with none of my ratings because I still haven’t gotten to most of them.  I have piles of photos and memorabilia to put in the kids’ books.  Books.  That’s a whole other story that’s about to topple, teetering on my headboard.  So I’d been reliable this winter and dutifully exercised at 5:30, run my errands, took care of my callings and responsibilities and helped where I could.  I’ve done the parts.  But I was feeling just a little resentful as I started hearing the birds out early this week and started seeing the grass green up a bit more day by day.  Because I’m seeing that my winter days are coming to a close and I haven’t even begun.  I still have ladies I want to have over, painting I meant to do, cleaning I was going to get around to.  I think that’s what got to me.

But it was good day off; a day of reflection and selfish indulgence really did boost my spirits and make me feel better.  Recall the wisdom from my mom: you have to pamper yourself because no one else will.  I know this, I try to remember it.  It’s the execution I get hung up on.  Because it gets late so early.  But I followed through this week.  I took an hour on Thursday (ahh… yes, my favorite day) and shopped in my department for myself.  I had some cash.  I felt like I was being filmed on my show What Not to Wear.  I wondered if Stacy and Clinton would approve of my choices.  I put four items on hold because I couldn’t imagine spending that much money all at once all on me.  I felt spoiled.  But I also recalled the lessons Stacy and Clinton were trying to teach their guests, and I inherently felt that it was good for me to do this, even though it was just a few tops and a new pair of earrings.  It’s like having kids.  If we’d waited til we really felt we could afford them, where would we be?  It all works out.

So the take-home lesson is simple.  If we don’t at least kind of stay with it, before we know it, our window screens will be so full of dust they’ll cloud our vision.  There may come a time when the person we eat breakfast across the table from will seem like a stranger if we don’t make the effort to stay connected along the way.  Granted, it’s pretty easy to make a day of it and go on a major shopping or cleaning spree.  In one fell swoop you’re done.  But not everything is as easy to overhaul as a wardrobe or the windows.  Relationships—especially our marriages and other family ties—need constant attention; as does our faith.  So even though clothes are pretty inconsequential when we take note of all that’s going on in the world, it’s just an illustration of how we can let things go to the point where we almost need to just start over.  Clothes are easy.  Not everything is.  So in the spirit of staying on top of it, I’m off to pick up my holds.  (I found a coupon.) There’s even a dress in the pile.