I usually try to
keep things pretty broad here because I realize we all have different
beliefs. And yet, I feel to briefly
share my feelings about Easter. Please
forgive me if it’s offensive, but I did want to warn you before you go any
further. Check back another time because
you know these posts are normally pretty shallow and surface. I’ll just wish you a happy Easter here and
you can continue to enjoy the hunts, pictures with the bunny, filling the eggs
and other festivities.
Which is actually
why I’ve never really liked Easter as an adult. I’m
not into pastels (to wear or decorate with).
Easter’s like a hiccup in the run of nice and easy holidays, what with
Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s behind us, we almost get to the point
where we feel home-free for another year.
Valentine’s Day is fine, just make sugar cookies and send some treats to
school, buy a little candy to stick on the kids’ cards, a red dinner and we’re
good. But Easter requires a bit more
preparation. As the kids get older they
don’t want candy so much, and yet I continue to get it. I feel like I need to create some sort of
spread sheet once again to ascertain how far a large bag of Swedish Fish will
stretch, if we still have bubbles and sidewalk chalk and paint from last year
or if we need to replenish our stock. I
have to scratch my brain to recall what each child’s favorite candies are and
which they avoid. I don’t want to spoil
them, but I don’t want to be chintzy either.
I have never yet figured out the logistics of all the parts that are
supposed to go down. Hard boiling and
coloring eggs. Check. But no one in our
family likes hard boiled eggs or egg salad sandwiches, and it’s weird to have
pastel-tinted white parts of deviled eggs.
With five kids (the big kids, for some reason, feel to join us if they
aren’t invited and shun us if I throw the invitation their way—no rhyme or
reason), that could potentially be 30-60 eggs (if we go crazy and let them dunk
a dozen each). Do we hide them in the
yard even though no one really wants them?
Then the plastic eggs. If we fill
them with candy, do I hide them or do I use them to puff up the contents of
their baskets? And we’ve always just
presented the baskets on Sunday morning, but I know others who like to keep the
pagan and religious parts separate and prefer to do baskets a different
day. I’m just going by tradition
here. And yet I bag tradition when it
comes to new dresses for me or the girls.
I’ve never bought any of us a new Easter dress, although I remember
wearing the pastel frocks as a little girl, at least one was long—all the way
to the ground. Ensembles were completed
with some kind of floppy hat. I’ve even
known gloves to show up in pictures.
Probably it’s my stubbornness and I don’t want to be told I need to buy
dresses just because it’s some sort of tradition. OK, really it’s because I’m cheap. I figure we’ve got plenty of church clothes.
The dinner’s not a
problem. It’s like Christmas dinner. Ham’s
a breeze, so are potatoes, etc. This
kind of stuff is never an issue. But
every year, including this year, I ask myself what I should do about the Easter
Egg Hunts. I’ve taken them to egg hunts
in the community, but not since I had the two little ones in a double stroller
and the three others just causing me stress.
I don’t remember Todd ever really accompanying me, but I could be wrong. I remember one time at the zoo, Avery was
just a week or two old, and so I left her with a nice lady outside who was
doing the hunt while I took the boys to the bathroom. Can you believe I did that? So these are the variables wafting through my
head at this time of year. Even though I’ve
been at it for years, I don’t feel like I’ve met the requirements of this
holiday. I feel like I should consult
some kind of rule book. You can see why
I have mixed feelings about it all.
And yet, on an
entirely different level, it’s the one part of my life that means the
most. And maybe that’s just it. I hate the way something so meaningful to me
gets all mixed up with bunnies and chocolate eggs, much the same way Christmas
has such a materialistic feel these days.
I like things in their pure forms.
And yet, I know kids need fun and everything doesn’t have to be heavy
and serious. So I accept this part of
our culture and I do embrace it, in that I do the parts. But I feel like I fail every year because I
don’t know that I’ve helped them appreciate what it’s all about in a way that
changes them in any sense. Like every
year, we had an Easter Family Home Evening.
We watched another short video mid-week.
I have pictures and stories from the Bible that I read to them each
morning at breakfast and again at night, and we talk about the chronology of
events. I hang them up for the week so
we can remember what the week is about. Is
there more? I don’t know if any of this
makes a difference, it feels like it’s having the same impact as when we
discuss the current events in the world.
Not much.
And yet, what do I
want? Feelings are hard to share,
especially about religion and sacred parts of your heart. So I guess I don’t really expect them to talk
much about it. I guess I just want them
to hear from us how much His life has meant in our lives. Even if they just take that with them and tuck
it away in their hearts.
Because honestly,
He means everything to me. He’s the
reason I do most of what I do. At least
the good things. The bad things I do
because I’m lazy or prideful or selfish.
But when I do something good, it’s motivated by love for my Savior. I long to see people through His eyes and to
treat them like He would. I have deep
desires to be kind and to find the good in people and life. I want to serve, not just dutifully, but
lovingly. I want to love children like
He did. But of course I fall short in
all those ways so often. And yet, that’s
when I love Him the most. Because of Him
I’m able to feel sorrow and regret while, at the same time, hope and optimism that
I have another chance, and I can try again.
I cling to His
example as I try to apply His teachings in my own life. His way always, always
works. His love never fails. And I know that because I’ve turned to Him
when I’ve felt completely alone and misunderstood. There was a time as a young mom when I had a
leadership role and the people around me talked about me behind my back. I didn’t know who I could trust or where to turn
for support. Another trial went on for
15 years, such a private one that I couldn’t really share it. I didn’t know who would understand or not
judge me. So many times I’ve felt
scared, alone, overwhelmed, at loose ends, unloving, stressed, or just
unsure. He’s never let me down.
And so that’s what
I hope to share with my kids, not only at Easter, but throughout the year. But maybe there’s no way to truly impart such
tender feelings. Maybe they come through
years of living, of applying the Atonement, of using this power to empower us
in our everyday lives. So yes, I will
continue to do the chocolate eggs and maybe even a hunt. We will cook the ham and decorate in pastels
for the day. But I hope that somehow, in
all we do in our family, our kids will remember the other parts we’ve talked
about. I hope they know that we love our
Savior, that He means everything to us.
And that we celebrated Him not just at Easter, but every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment