It's natural

I noticed I felt like myself at a Chemistry Magic Show on a local college campus this past weekend.  Todd is gone most Saturday mornings, so when the kids were younger I’d be on the look-out for anything interesting happening in town.  Even when I had to use the double stroller, I’ve always liked taking my kids to the Science Expo which includes science fair projects from around the area as well as demos in the basement.  Meteorologists explained static electricity and interesting weather conditions, the engineering teams demonstrated planets and their moons in orbit, robots, and a 3-D printer.  We learned where pollutants from our driveways end up and watched Lego cars.  We took home shark teeth and polished stones.  What’s not to love?  And to top it all off, we ended up in the lecture hall in the library watching balloons filled with hydrogen explode, chemicals change colors, and bananas freeze in nitrogen.  I know, I’m not a scientist.  I could never even get away with pretending to be a scientist.  But I’m still in my element in this setting.  And this is why:  I’m the kind of mom who loves, loves, loves a good teaching moment or experience.  This is what feels right to me.  So whether it’s applying a moral from a book we’re reading, doing the math with my 10 year-old  when we’re making 1.5 times the cookie dough recipe, or teaching my 8 year-old how to use the old toothbrush to get the cracks in the toilet seat completely clean, I’m so comfortable.  These are my kinds of ways to be a mom.

I long to be the Family Fun kind of mom.  But honestly, making cutesy birthday cakes and thinking of the components of themed birthday parties stresses me out and makes me grumpy.  But I bet there are moms out there who wish they had more kids just so they could plan more parties.  I’m just grateful they eventually grow out of it.  But instead of worrying about all the things I’m not doing as a mom (who has time to write that kind of list?), I started noticing all the times I feel completely myself as a mom.  And I simply try to focus on doing those things more.  The reason is simple.  When I do what comes naturally, I’m being true to who I am.  I’m most comfortable in that state and kids pick up on that.  It messes things up when we try to be something we’re not, if we feel guilty for being different from other moms.  Our kids want happy, relaxed, honest, engaged moms.  At least that’s what my kids seem to want.  Anyway, I got to thinking during the magic show of times when I feel completely at ease and at peace with my kids.  Here’s some of what came to mind.

Any time we’re in the kitchen cooking together.  Mitchell likes to make stir fry and egg rolls, spaghetti and lasagna.  Avery’s kind of into salads and energy balls and smoothies.  The little kids like seven-layer dip.  Andrew’s our go-to Red Lobster biscuit guy on Sundays when time’s short.  I give in and sometimes let them play with a bit of bread dough or slow down the process when it comes to cutting the cinnamon rolls with dental floss.  I can almost imagine what it would feel like to be mom of the year when the cookies come out: some done just right and a batch or two a little crunchy just for Andrew.  Helping the kids roll out the dough for sugar cookies, making the frosting, letting them add the food coloring, providing the sprinkles.  There is little else that satisfies the sweet tooth like a homemade sugar cookie doused with sugar sprinkles.  Holy cow.

Along those lines is the tactile sensation of warm homemade play dough.  The store-bought stuff is not quite as soft.  And the smell of Kool-Aid mixed in tricks their senses.  I especially like it when they play bakery or restaurant with it at the bar while I’m doing the dishes right in front of them.

Cooking not only with them, but for them.  I love making them Christmas breakfast, special meals, their favorite desserts.  I love it when we come to dinner and it’s something healthy and that everyone likes.   It’s so simple to do, but it makes me feel like I nurtured them in a small way.

Sunday night games.  It might be Todd with the older boys and me with the little kids.  It might be me with the girls.  The configuration doesn’t matter; it’s just reminiscent of olden days when families would spend quiet, slow time just being together.  I think that’s why it makes me happy.  I didn’t ever do this growing up, but Todd’s family did.  So even though it wasn’t inherently something I knew about, it felt perfectly comfortable from the very first time I met Todd’s family and they started teaching me.  We’ve been playing games together and with friends from our very first months together in our little apartment.

Sunday nights (after or instead of games) the girls and I will watch an episode of Little House on the Prairie.  I know that is nerdy and old-fashioned and slow and weird.  Like I care.  We love our cuddled up times on the couches.  I think Charles is one of the best dads in the world, and Caroline is my role model.  Albert was my favorite as a kid, but as a parent, I vote for ma and pa.  It just feels good to watch this old classic together.

When we’re all trying to hide that we’re crying during The Fifth Quarter or other touching movies.  It means their hearts are still working.  We’re connected.  They have feelings about family.  It’s good that it’s dark.  I love it.

Road trips.  Listening to Rascal Flatts when we drive.  Avery hates Zac Brown Band even around town because it reminds her of long road trips (we drive 14 hours to Minnesota in a day) with her squashed in between Callum and Bronwyn in the back seat with wafting odors of beef jerky, corn nuts, Funyons, and sweaty sandals.  I just laugh and laugh.  Because to me these are some of my favorite memories.  We almost always have Subway for lunch, we get treats at the gas station, and they curl up and nap or read.  There’s no better way to travel across the country.  It feels just right.

Going on walks and hikes.  Being in nature.  Taking the scenic route.  Camping with everyone nestled together in sleeping bags, pillows next to feet, cuddled up with Todd in our zip-together bag.  There’s nothing warmer than huddling together like this under a crisp night.  We love picnics and day trips to go fishing or taking tin foil dinners to the lake on a long summer evening.  We feel so lucky to live here.

Bronwyn beats me at the matching game nearly every time.  I think I get distracted.  This was a consistent part of our days alone when the kids were all at school and we had days to ourselves.  It reminds me of those times when we get it out.  It takes me awhile to shift gears and slow down and remember how unimportant it is to be efficient.  But once I’m there it feels like old times.

Taking them to the zoo.  Any zoo.   Even when we were dating Todd took me to the zoo near his home, and on our honeymoon we went to the Lincoln Nebraska zoo.  We’ve been to zoos wherever we’ve been, and it’s even better with kids.  I love watching the animals together, walking the nature trails, being out in the open.  It feels completely natural.  Same with visiting museums or historical sites or anything that can be turned into an educational experience.  I especially like interactive learning environments where they can push a wagon, dress up in period clothes, use magnets, work a sound booth, play in water.  To me, the best kind of learning is done through touch and experience.  I’m at my best as a mom when we are out of the house learning something.   At home I get distracted by the work I see, projects I want to get to, my calendar.  When I’m away, I focus better and I can engage more wholeheartedly.

Hearing one of the kids call us out to see the constellations or just to look at the vastness.  Or to see the sunrise or sunset.  Sometimes Callum will summon me and I eventually but exasperatedly follow his voice.  It’s almost always, always something simple but cool.  Maybe it’s the way Toby is sleeping or a nature clip.  My older kids have called me down to their rooms to let me listen to a part of an audio book that will resonate with me or to the lyrics of one of their songs they think I’ll like.  I love it when they know me well enough to include me in what they notice.  I feel like we are on the same page, and I love that they derive joy from such simple parts of life.

Letting them create.  We’ve had teepees and forts for years.  Water and mud are nothing to me.  They made some kind of substance with food coloring, cornstarch and water the other night.  There is still a green film.  My white platter got broken trying to scrape it out.  But I love imaginative play, creating, using their resources in new ways.  I figure we can always clean up before Todd gets home, but there is nothing better than to see them having fun out of almost nothing.

Tucking my kids and us into clean flannel sheets when it’s cold outside or fresh cool sheets in the summertime.  I love the feeling of knowing they’re home and safe and comfortable and clean.  I love providing that for them.  I know so many families don’t have that simple luxury.

Buying them a box of doughnuts.  I hardly ever do.  But it is one of the funnest things I love to do for them.

Spending time with them in the library on a Saturday morning or a book store on a Friday night.  We are all enamored by the intoxicating smell and feel of books in our hands—especially new books.  The other part I love is when they can hardly wait to dig into the bags we’ve lugged out.  This is the quietest I ever hear them.  It warms my heart to the core.   Same with reading to them on the couch or on their beds.  Nothing feels more like me than reading to my kids.  And this is why my heart is breaking, because I can see we are leaving this stage behind for the last time.

So no, I don’t usually go rock climbing with Andrew or play video games with Callum or watch sci-fi with Mitchell.  But I will watch stand-up comedy or a documentary with any one of you.  I will work in the garden and play games.  I will make you almost anything you want and let you make any kind of mess that sounds fun.  I’ll read to you anytime you’re up for it, and we can make cookies whenever we need a snack.  I’m totally fine with it.  It all feels natural to me.