I noticed I felt like myself at a
Chemistry Magic Show on a local college campus this past weekend. Todd is gone most Saturday mornings, so when
the kids were younger I’d be on the look-out for anything interesting happening
in town. Even when I had to use the double
stroller, I’ve always liked taking my kids to the Science Expo which includes
science fair projects from around the area as well as demos in the
basement. Meteorologists explained
static electricity and interesting weather conditions, the engineering teams
demonstrated planets and their moons in orbit, robots, and a 3-D printer. We learned where pollutants from our
driveways end up and watched Lego cars.
We took home shark teeth and polished stones. What’s not to love? And to top it all off, we ended up in the
lecture hall in the library watching balloons filled with hydrogen explode,
chemicals change colors, and bananas freeze in nitrogen. I know, I’m not a scientist. I could never even get away with pretending
to be a scientist. But I’m still in my
element in this setting. And this is
why: I’m the kind of mom who loves, loves, loves a good teaching
moment or experience. This is what feels
right to me. So whether it’s applying a
moral from a book we’re reading, doing the math with my 10 year-old when we’re making 1.5 times the cookie dough
recipe, or teaching my 8 year-old how to use the old toothbrush to get the
cracks in the toilet seat completely clean, I’m so comfortable. These are my kinds of ways to be a mom.
I long to be the Family Fun kind of mom. But
honestly, making cutesy birthday cakes and thinking of the components of themed
birthday parties stresses me out and makes me grumpy. But I bet there are moms out there who wish
they had more kids just so they could plan more parties. I’m just grateful they eventually grow out of
it. But instead of worrying about all
the things I’m not doing as a mom (who has time to write that kind of list?), I
started noticing all the times I feel completely myself as a mom. And I simply try to focus on doing those
things more. The reason is simple. When I do what comes naturally, I’m being true
to who I am. I’m most comfortable in
that state and kids pick up on that. It
messes things up when we try to be something we’re not, if we feel guilty for
being different from other moms. Our
kids want happy, relaxed, honest, engaged moms.
At least that’s what my kids seem to want. Anyway, I got to thinking during the magic
show of times when I feel completely at ease and at peace with my kids. Here’s some of what came to mind.
Any time we’re in the kitchen cooking
together. Mitchell likes to make stir
fry and egg rolls, spaghetti and lasagna.
Avery’s kind of into salads and energy balls and smoothies. The little kids like seven-layer dip. Andrew’s our go-to Red Lobster biscuit guy on
Sundays when time’s short. I give in and
sometimes let them play with a bit of bread dough or slow down the process when
it comes to cutting the cinnamon rolls with dental floss. I can almost imagine what it would feel like
to be mom of the year when the cookies come out: some done just right and a
batch or two a little crunchy just for Andrew.
Helping the kids roll out the dough for sugar cookies, making the
frosting, letting them add the food coloring, providing the sprinkles. There is little else that satisfies the sweet
tooth like a homemade sugar cookie doused with sugar sprinkles. Holy cow.
Along those lines is the tactile sensation of
warm homemade play dough. The
store-bought stuff is not quite as soft.
And the smell of Kool-Aid mixed in tricks their senses. I especially like it when they play bakery or
restaurant with it at the bar while I’m doing the dishes right in front of
them.
Cooking not only with them, but for them. I love making them Christmas breakfast,
special meals, their favorite desserts.
I love it when we come to dinner and it’s something healthy and that
everyone likes. It’s so simple to do,
but it makes me feel like I nurtured them in a small way.
Sunday night games. It might be Todd with the older boys and me
with the little kids. It might be me
with the girls. The configuration doesn’t
matter; it’s just reminiscent of olden days when families would spend quiet,
slow time just being together. I think
that’s why it makes me happy. I didn’t
ever do this growing up, but Todd’s family did.
So even though it wasn’t inherently something I knew about, it felt
perfectly comfortable from the very first time I met Todd’s family and they
started teaching me. We’ve been playing
games together and with friends from our very first months together in our
little apartment.
Sunday nights (after or instead of games) the
girls and I will watch an episode of Little
House on the Prairie. I know that is
nerdy and old-fashioned and slow and weird.
Like I care. We love our cuddled
up times on the couches. I think Charles
is one of the best dads in the world, and Caroline is my role model. Albert was my favorite as a kid, but as a
parent, I vote for ma and pa. It just
feels good to watch this old classic together.
When we’re all trying to hide that we’re crying
during The Fifth Quarter or other
touching movies. It means their hearts
are still working. We’re connected. They have feelings about family. It’s good that it’s dark. I love
it.
Road trips.
Listening to Rascal Flatts when we drive. Avery hates Zac Brown Band even around town
because it reminds her of long road trips (we drive 14 hours to Minnesota in a
day) with her squashed in between Callum and Bronwyn in the back seat with
wafting odors of beef jerky, corn nuts, Funyons, and sweaty sandals. I just laugh and laugh. Because to me these are some of my favorite
memories. We almost always have Subway
for lunch, we get treats at the gas station, and they curl up and nap or
read. There’s no better way to travel
across the country. It feels just right.
Going on walks and hikes. Being in nature. Taking the scenic route. Camping with everyone nestled together in
sleeping bags, pillows next to feet, cuddled up with Todd in our zip-together
bag. There’s nothing warmer than
huddling together like this under a crisp night. We love picnics and day trips to go fishing
or taking tin foil dinners to the lake on a long summer evening. We feel so lucky to live here.
Bronwyn beats me at the matching game nearly
every time. I think I get
distracted. This was a consistent part
of our days alone when the kids were all at school and we had days to
ourselves. It reminds me of those times
when we get it out. It takes me awhile
to shift gears and slow down and remember how unimportant it is to be
efficient. But once I’m there it feels
like old times.
Taking them to the zoo. Any zoo.
Even when we were dating Todd took me to the zoo near his home, and on
our honeymoon we went to the Lincoln Nebraska zoo. We’ve been to zoos wherever we’ve been, and
it’s even better with kids. I love
watching the animals together, walking the nature trails, being out in the
open. It feels completely natural. Same with visiting museums or historical
sites or anything that can be turned into an educational experience. I especially like interactive learning
environments where they can push a wagon, dress up in period clothes, use
magnets, work a sound booth, play in water.
To me, the best kind of learning is done through touch and experience. I’m at my best as a mom when we are out of
the house learning something. At home I
get distracted by the work I see, projects I want to get to, my calendar. When I’m away, I focus better and I can
engage more wholeheartedly.
Hearing one of the kids call us out to see the
constellations or just to look at the vastness.
Or to see the sunrise or sunset.
Sometimes Callum will summon me and I eventually but exasperatedly
follow his voice. It’s almost always,
always something simple but cool. Maybe
it’s the way Toby is sleeping or a nature clip.
My older kids have called me down to their rooms to let me listen to a
part of an audio book that will resonate with me or to the lyrics of one of
their songs they think I’ll like. I love
it when they know me well enough to include me in what they notice. I feel like we are on the same page, and I love
that they derive joy from such simple parts of life.
Letting them create. We’ve had teepees and forts for years. Water and mud are nothing to me. They made some kind of substance with food
coloring, cornstarch and water the other night.
There is still a green film. My
white platter got broken trying to scrape it out. But I love imaginative play, creating, using
their resources in new ways. I figure we
can always clean up before Todd gets home, but there is nothing better than to
see them having fun out of almost nothing.
Tucking my kids and us into clean flannel sheets
when it’s cold outside or fresh cool sheets in the summertime. I love the feeling of knowing they’re home
and safe and comfortable and clean. I
love providing that for them. I know so
many families don’t have that simple luxury.
Buying them a box of doughnuts. I hardly ever
do. But it is one of the funnest things
I love to do for them.
Spending time with them in the library on a
Saturday morning or a book store on a Friday night. We are all enamored by the intoxicating smell
and feel of books in our hands—especially new books. The other part I love is when they can hardly
wait to dig into the bags we’ve lugged out.
This is the quietest I ever hear them.
It warms my heart to the core.
Same with reading to them on the couch or on their beds. Nothing feels more like me than reading to my
kids. And this is why my heart is breaking,
because I can see we are leaving this stage behind for the last time.
So no, I don’t usually go rock climbing with
Andrew or play video games with Callum or watch sci-fi with Mitchell. But I will watch stand-up comedy or a documentary
with any one of you. I will work in the garden
and play games. I will make you almost
anything you want and let you make any kind of mess that sounds fun. I’ll read to you anytime you’re up for it,
and we can make cookies whenever we need a snack. I’m totally fine with it. It all feels natural to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment