I think I can change my mind

Holidays from my perspective (as the mom) were always meant to be fun and unencumbered by the extra stress of dealing with the unknowns.  Meaning people I didn’t know very well.  Across the table—our table—from me.  Small talk and all.  So I’ve always stuck with inviting our friends, the familiars, the easies.  Until this past Easter.  Unexpectedly, it turned out to be one of my favorite holiday gatherings ever.

Not to say at all that anyone we invited this year was hard or someone we didn’t like.  We’d just never had any of them over (except one of the families) until now.  So we ended up with a mom and her four kids—some of our kids’ best friends and the mom is one of mine; for some reason we’d just never had them for dinner, I don’t know exactly why.  That led us to invite a couple with no kids left at home, along with an adult sister who lives with them, who is somewhat blind and is younger than her years.  She’s awesome.  And then we added a friend who stays in a wheelchair.  So Andrew made her a ramp.  Then I noticed a grandma at the egg hunt on Saturday with my friend’s three little kids and realized she probably had nowhere to go.  I already knew I’d love her.  And then a family that we do stuff with all the time—just didn’t realize they’d be coming home that morning from their trip.  Twenty five.  One ham.  With leftovers.  From my angle it was perfect.  They were the gem guests, and conversation was smooth, the food everyone brought was yummy, there was plenty, the day was sunny, a great variety of both personalities and ages.  It was so pleasant and nice.  I loved it.  And I think I’ll never go back to the old way of just inviting people we do stuff with all the time.  Even at church I kept noticing people I should’ve thought to invite.  I’m already thinking about our next holiday because instead of the anticipated anxiety, I honestly felt a kinship, a familial, comfortable feeling with these friends.  I only knew half pretty well, the others I was barely acquainted with.  And it was perfect.  So I’ve changed my mind about holiday dinners.

And so it goes.  A little boy at the school library was looking for a particular book, but when I helped him try to find one that would work, there were none.  So I pointed him in another direction.  Happily, he chose one and explained, “I think I can change my mind.”  Of course I smothered a smile, but I kept it close for the rest of my time in the library.  And I’ve thought about it since.  Who says we can’t change our minds, that if we proclaim to hold an opinion we have to hold fast to it, stoic and stubborn? Why can’t we change and mature, obtain more information, broaden our thinking, tickle our palates?  Maybe you’re thinking I’m inconsistent because a past post boasted we really are so much like our little kid selves.  And I do believe we are at our cores.  And yet, there’s still some wiggle room to expand our thinking and to modify our opinions.  I’m sure you’ve got examples of your own.

I used to dread winter, especially with all the snow and ice I’ve had to get used to over the years.  But now I look forward to a little time of hibernation, a respite from the yard work and intense travel schedule.  I like the breather to hunker down and watch movies and catch up on inside projects.  In such a small way I’ve changed the way I look at the snow and ice.  It means I can stay home for the day once in awhile.

I almost cringe when someone asks if I’ve read a certain title or seen some movie.  Because I might have.  But I wouldn’t read it now.  Or watch it.  And I certainly wouldn’t recommend it.     I’ve always loved biographies and historical fiction, ever since I was a pre-teen.  That hasn’t changed.  But I’m not as forgiving with novels and movies as I used to be.  There’s simply too much good out there to waste my time on trash.  And so I’ve pulled away from some of the stuff I used to indulge in.

I have always been a morning person, but in college I loved going to Salt Lake and the venues around BYU to go dancing every once in awhile.  Night was when everyone stayed up late talking.  I’m the same now as I was then, in that I love going to bed around 9. But sometimes it’s 11:30 or 12 before I get to sleep, especially on the weekends if we have friends over or we stay up watching a movie or talking.  So even though I’m basically the same, I can see there are times when it’s worth sacrificing some sleep.  And so occasionally I switch things up just for fun.

Maybe just another way I’m weird, but I’ve eaten Brussels sprouts my whole life.  I’ve never liked them.  Until the past few years.  I’m not saying I’d choose them over a hot fudge malt, but I don’t hate them as much as I used to.  Haven’t you ever tried to train yourself to like certain foods because they’re good for you?  Todd thinks I’m nuts.  I still don’t care for olives, and avocados aren’t my favorite, but I’ll swallow both.  And I’ll eat cantaloupe because it’s so good for me.  I do appreciate it when it’s at its prime, although I still don’t love it.  I didn’t care for fish much until I started dating and that’s what we ended up eating at all those San Diego restaurants, and I did end up learning to like seafood over the years.  I remember my dad trying to get me to try his onion bagel with cream cheese, the whole thing warmed up in a paper towel in our ‘80s microwave.  Sounded disgusting.  But eventually I conceded.  And admitted it was good enough to start making my own.  I tried Rye Krisps at my grandma’s house as a kid—liked them then, hate them now.  Quinoa is a staple these days, and I discovered I like spinach (but you have to admit fresh spinach salad is so different from the canned or frozen soggy kind from yesteryear).  So yeah, my tastes have changed a bit over the years—not entirely—but I’ve gained some new options.

There are still some songs I’ve loved for decades, songs no one my age should really know because they are so old-fashioned.  But you know I was meant to be born in another decade, if not century.  So it stands that Moon River, Somewhere in Time, and Through the Years by Kenny Rogers are a few of my favorites, I have a list somewhere.  Those have been solid since I very first heard them.  But I remember trying on music as a teen.  One group I specifically aimed to like was the Beatles.  A guy I knew listened to them and we had similar music tastes. My mom grew up with them, I figured it was a given that I’d like them too.  But when I was honest with myself, I didn’t.  I ended up giving my White Album away.  I didn’t love it, even as I tried for many months.   So in those instances I knew what I liked and I stayed with it.

But my freshman roommate in college was from a small town in Idaho.  Apparently they listened to a lot of country music.  Hailing from the city, our high school team made fun of the teams we played against in the more rural outskirts of San Diego, thinking they were hicks.  And so there wasn’t really a place in my world for country music.  And yet, she won me over.  I never have liked the twangy stuff, the kind my dad would play in his upholstery shop in the ‘80s.  But I eventually started hearing the romantic country ballads of the ‘90s as background music for my life as I was falling in love with Todd.  And I learned to country dance.  Maybe country music had morphed over the years.  Or maybe it just altered me.  However it happened, I changed my mind about it.  I think it’d be nice for my roommate to know I actually own the stuff now.  But still nothing twangy.

So though I’m basically the same little-girl Caren that I’ve always been—a little odd in some ways, an older spirit with more seriousness in her than traditional fun, a girl who likes to clean and organize, read and write, ask questions and delve into the mysteries of how people work—in some ways the ideas and experiences I’ve been exposed to have awakened my senses.  And I freely admit that while I once subscribed to one philosophy or opinion, it’s ok to switch and to say I was wrong or ignorant or immature or my tastes just changed.  I don’t mind.  And I certainly won’t be offended if you change your mind either.