Adulting

From what I've been reading lately, many iGen’ers are anxious about assuming the responsibilities and burdens of adulthood, preferring to live in a perpetual childhood expecting other older adults to carry the brunt of the workload.  They're postponing adulthood and all that accompanies it, allowing them to continue in a perpetual bubble-like existence. 

I’m as guilty as anyone, I’ve had more than a few pep-talks with the kids, Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up, just have fun where you are.  And yet we talk a lot about their futures and how decisions they’re making now will impact their quality of life down the road.  They might be both excited and apprehensive about the future.  Which is natural.  I am too.

But I want to shout from the rooftops, It’s awesome!!! You’re going to love it!!!  Granted, generally being a kid is easier, less stressful, softer, and has its own freedoms.  But I want to tout the joys of adulthood and why it’s not necessarily over once you hit 18.  It used to be what everyone looked forward to, and I don’t think it hurts to remind ourselves why we wanted to grow up.

I think the major theme of adulthood that resonates with me is the freedom associated with it.  Not that adults don’t need to hold down a job and pay bills (and older kids should already be playing around with that kind of stuff), but there’s just more wiggle room than choosing between band or wood shop. 

Nearly every day of the school year I thank my lucky stars I’m done with chemistry and Old Man and the Sea and proofs and track practice.  I see the kids laden down with velcro-binders, backpacks that used to be reserved for those trek-across-Europe-expeditions, homework sprawled from pillow to footboard, and flashcards stacked as thick as the novels they’re supposed to finish this weekend, and I try not to show my relief.  I play sympathetic, but inside I’m doing a jig. 

No homework is definitely one of the top five reasons I love being a grown up. So, just real quick, in no particular order, just to give the kids something to look forward to, here’s what else I love about being a grown up.

I mean the basic choice to wear, eat, live, travel and buy basically what/where you want. Obviously, we've got to weigh the variables at play, but seriously. Lucky Charms for dinner, roast for breakfast, the good granola bars, fun fruits (possibly one of the first things my littles will buy when they turn 18). I’m amused when our 16 year-old talks about leaving our rusty, early American settler Montana homestead, eager to try out some exhilarating city, more IKEA than primitive brown.  I love that Andrew mentions his college road trips in passing and that we just bid him farewell.  So yeah, definitely up there, no one telling you what to read, that you have to run a mile, that you need to limit your cookies, or that it's time for bed.  It’s sort of the best.

You can adopt hobbies without inhibition.  Want to learn to knit? Fence? Garden? You’re into National Geographic, documentaries, and the History channel? Cool.

Music? Best of it all.  Got everything we grew up on, everything that’s going on now and all the good stuff in between.  We know all the words too, they're lodged in our heads and resurface just like that.

But honestly, what makes adulthood so great is that it gets real.  For probably the first time in life you start to feel that life has meaning.  And purpose.  That your life has meaning and purpose. The moment you catch that vision, your life is never the same.  It’s better than even your best vacation days.  Because all of a sudden you don’t have enough time for all the good you want to pursue. So many great ideas, people, projects, causes, needs, and all you want is time to see to them all.  There’s this renewal, this charge, this energy that's different from anything we've experienced before because we're looking out.  We're noticing the world beyond ourselves and we see how we can make a difference in a way we've never noticed before.  It's exhilarating.

And it's awesome because you get a second shot at life.  Most of the kids who knew you as a kid aren’t in your life anymore, so no one knows how bad you were at volleyball or math, and you can absolutely coach your kids’ soccer teams or be outgoing. I have friends who have taken piano and swim lessons and several who have gone back to school for advanced degrees.  During those finding yourself middle years it’s all about fitting in and trying to figure out who you’re supposed to be, maybe catering to what others want or expect you to be; whereas at the bookends of childhood and adulthood, it’s natural to truly just be who you are, you’re done caring what it looks like.  Hallelujah.

But what’s weird is that somehow the older we get and the less we care what it all looks like, the more we care what it feels like.  The older I get, the more I’m ok with being vulnerable.  And hopefully you are too. Because I think we’ve learned that the risk of exposing ourselves, of inviting people into our lives, of sharing our hearts, is almost always worth it.  I’m ok with crying.  About everything.  You’re probably the same.  We finally get over blaming others for how our life is turning out. We’re seeing life from both sides, from all sorts of sides.  We get that it’s not all black and white, we give more leeway, we’re more compassionate, less judgmental, more accepting.  But we’re also firm in what we believe and stand for.  We respect ourselves and set appropriate boundaries.  Because we are learning that love is everything.  For those around us.  And for ourselves.

I love the settled-down feeling.  While I loved dating and staying out late, this is still better.  Way better.  I love that we’ve known each other longer than we didn’t.  That we’ve made kids and a home and a life together. That our history tethers us like when we hook ourselves to each other  those little rafts we use in the wave pool at the water park; no matter how high or low the waves toss us, we just ride them together.  I’m loving the stability of being married.  Of staying home.  Of doing nothing more than taking a walk or hanging out in bed watching movies.  I love that we're on the same page.  That we're committed.  That we're in it for the long haul.

I love not proving much of anything to anyone anymore.  I’m good.  I know my heart.  I know what I’m trying to do.  I know it doesn’t look like much, but I’m ok with that because I know I’m tight with God.  And we’re working through some things.  I love how growing up teaches us to trust God.  We're finally learning to be ok with not being anywhere near perfect because we know He's got us and is working with us.

Yeah, I still feel the weight of being the grown up, of having to make major decisions, of having five kids depending on me to be responsible and competent, of having to take care of cars and a house and a yard and the meals and vacations and holidays and doctors and dentists and locking up.  It’s got its parts.  But honestly, I’ve never been happier or more content or at peace.  I feel needed.  Resolved.  Determined.  Calm.  Enthusiastic.  Passionate.  Sensitive.  Aware.  Wiser.  Solid.

So I know it looks daunting to think of real adulting when you’re a kid.  Life outside the bubble’s been touted as nothing but one headache after another and the end of fun.  But that’s just it.  That bubble’s made of something akin to opaque plastic stuff that makes it nearly impossible to fully recognize the true joy that comes from putting on the cloak of adulthood.  Ask around.  Yeah, they'll balk. And crab about how much everything costs.  But if you really prod, they'll tell you something along these lines.  There's nothing like having a place of your own.  Or working hard and earning your own money.  Or using your hands for something purposeful and good, nothing feels better than helping someone else along the road.  They'll confess they never knew committing a heart and life to someone else could feel this good. They never realized how deeply they could really love.  They didn't have a clue how much they could adore a child. Until it was their own.  We just don't talk about this enough.  And that's why you kids don't know.  But ask.  Of course, absolutely, hands down, we'll admit to you that it's hard to be a grown up, for sure.  But God knows it's when we're giving and serving and loving that we're going to find joy. So I wouldn't be afraid of the responsibilities ahead.  Just be prepared.  Enjoy the season you're in.  But don't fret about adulting. The best parts of your life are certainly ahead.