Nesting

It occurred to me as I was cleaning the bathroom, getting it ready for company, that I was doing it all over again.  Remember when we were in that stage of pregnancy and it suddenly became urgent to get everything in order, clean, and crossed off?  Nesting.  Our friends probably teased us, we knew we were harried and being unreasonable; but it seemed crucial that we get it all done.  I can’t remember much about those days, only that it was a real thing.  

But we forget that a baby isn’t just a birth any more than Christmas is a day. 

A good friend’s doctor wisely counseled her to remember, “There is still life after a baby,” admonishing her to settle down. I could’ve used that advice over the years as I mentally stressed about all I still had to finish up before the baby came.  When all I really needed to do was pack my bag.  If that.  I could’ve always sent Todd home to get my glasses; nothing else would be that essential for 24 hours.  Since I’d be wearing their nightgown anyway.  And I’d still fit in my fat clothes for the way home. And since we never knew what we’d be having, I think most of our babies wore their free little t-shirts home.  Todd slept in a drawer for the first bit of his life.  We can always buy a stroller or decorate the nursery (that it won’t even see or care about) later.  We can use the diapers they send home from the hospital for awhile, and a baby mostly sleeps anyway at the beginning, allowing us plenty of time to get stuff “ready” for him.

And maybe the same thing could be said when it comes to Christmas.  I was talking about this with Todd on the way home from church.  We decided all we really need to get done before Christmas is buy gifts for the kids.  And decorate. If that’s something you do.  Everything else can be done after or not at all.

Think about it.  In some ways it’s almost better to wait.  I wonder if friends would appreciate treats and cards and gifts and visits more in the doldrums of January.  Maybe then we’d have time to write a real letter, a connective, newsy update with an expression of love. I wonder if organizations could use donations even more in the summer when no one’s really thinking of it.  Maybe old people would like to hear kids and families sing to them in April instead of December when everyone else is doing it.  Maybe we could spoil our friends on their birthdays instead of trying to do it all at Christmas.  Maybe we could express our love to them by going for a walk on an ordinary day.  Or having their family over for soup and bread on a snowy night in late January.  I wonder if our kids would mind opening pictures of a couple of their presents that we ordered a little too late; they’ll be here in a couple of days and then it will feel like Christmas all over again! (I’ll let you know how it goes; we’ve got an arrangement along those lines going on as I write.)

Maybe we could have traditions on every days.  We could celebrate national pancake, puzzle, or ice cream days.  Maybe Friday night could be pizza and movie night and every Sunday could be a family day.  Maybe we could get together and talk about what we’d love to start or continue.  One thing we look forward to at Christmas is the traditions.  But if we spread some out and maybe delivered sugar cookies to friends on Valentine’s Day or had a Christmas in July white elephant party or a favorite things party near Mothers Day, we could start something new instead of cramming it all on our December calendar.

Maybe we could extend our friendship to our neighbors with a plate of cookies on a random day in September.  Maybe we could have a neighborhood potluck in June.  Maybe we could use Summer Solstice instead of Christmas as a chance to celebrate our friendship.

Maybe we could beef up Teacher Appreciation Week or her birthday and just send a kid’s handwritten card for Christmas.  Maybe we could give our mailman treats or a gift card in October.  Our in-laws send Halloween cards; others have sent us New Year’s greetings.  Who’s to say they have to say Merry Christmas? Or that they even need to happen at all?

Maybe we could just take the easy way out in December and especially at Christmas.  Maybe prime rib could come on an anniversary. Maybe we’ll have that special dessert with company on a Sunday in March or for Easter.  I’ve decided frozen lasagna and ice cream are our speed on Christmas.  We used to go out for dinner on Christmas Eve when I was growing up; lots of people still do.  Some have Mexican, which to me is about the easiest kind of meal there is.  Maybe save the really fancy stuff for New Year’s once things have settled down.

Maybe we could gather with our families every night of the year instead of just during the month of December.  Maybe we could talk about ways we could serve this week when we pray together.  And keep it going all the way through February and into August and beyond.  Maybe we could read and talk about Christ every day and not just during the weeks leading up to Christmas. I know we could continue to feel Christ’s love and spirit if we focused on him throughout the year just like we do during the Christmas season.

I just wonder if we’ve even considered any of this.  Maybe we don’t need to completely bow out of doing everything we love.  But maybe we need to get rid of the arbitrary deadline.  We think the 25th is our cut-off date.  But is it really?

In my experience, it really didn’t matter what got done before my babies came.  I was overcome with happiness just being together.  I was content to lounge about with my family.  I didn’t care what we ate or what state the house was in.  And I guess that’s how I feel on Christmas.  Most people stay in their pajamas all day. A little like when I came home from the hospital. We watch movies, eat whatever food is easiest, read and just relax.  Kind of what I liked doing after having a baby.  Interesting.

So maybe we could go down our to-do list and assess what we really need to get done.  I think we’d surprise ourselves with how little is actually necessary to celebrate the greatest birth of all.  And I think we’d be reminded of how centered we feel when we just focus on the reason we’re even doing any of this.  Anticipating Christmas is not that different from our excited but anxious preparations as we looked forward to giving birth.  We just need to remember that there really is life after it all.  The house, the food, the stuff… we know that this isn’t what it’s about, we just still talk ourselves into believing that things will feel better and we’ll be able to fully relax once xyz is taken care of, whether it’s painting the nursery or taking treats to all the friends.  But maybe the best way we can serve our families is by letting go and just being present with them.  I know that’s all our newborn babies cared about.  And I know that’s all the Christ-child wants from us as well.