Honestly

Is it hard to know how honest to be sometimes?  I’ve run straight into this question a couple times lately, unsure how to answer it.

A friend asked me about a book she’d gotten for her birthday and was looking forward to reading.  I’d just started it a couple weeks earlier and never finished it; I just wasn’t impressed and I didn’t agree with some of her ideas.  But how to tell my friend who had gotten it as a gift and who was excited about it, what I really thought?  I had to be honest.  And vague.  At first I just told her I was excited to hear what she thought, maybe she’d love it, she’s younger and way more hip than me, so maybe it just didn’t speak to me the way it would to her.  But I felt like I hadn’t told her my real opinion.  So I followed up and told her it wasn’t my favorite.  I can’t remember what else, but I felt like I was on a balance beam between respecting her taste and having integrity and being true to myself.  I tried to be tactful but I also kind of told her I didn’t love it.

I was talking with another girlfriend and she asked me about someone she only vaguely knew, what I thought.  We are super open with each other and can talk about anything.  But I was immediately uncomfortable because I wasn’t sure how to answer her.  I was hesitant for sure.  And I think it’s just because I don’t know this person very well, but my first impressions have been a little off.  I struggled with knowing how could I be kind and honest at the same time, I was conflicted.

I didn’t concern myself too much with the book situation; I figure everyone has different tastes, it’s fine to give a heads up if something is disturbing or whatever, but I try to wait till after they’ve read it to share what I think.  In this case, I just didn’t think her core values jived with my friend’s and so I wanted her to know I didn’t subscribe to the author’s ideals either.

But I was unsettled about the other situation.  I couldn’t decide who I should be loyal to: my good friend or the person she’d asked about.  So I prayed to know what to do in the future.  The answer I got was obvious.  And simple.  There was a way I could be completely honest and loyal to both parties as well as myself.

Just focus on the good.  Tell her all the things you like about the person, his or her admirable qualities, the parts you really do like.  I felt that the rest would eventually manifest itself.  It simply isn’t my place to highlight things that I find negative.  Brilliant!

I appreciate this answer and counsel so much.  Boorish people, braggarts, egotistical, self-centered people… those types are hard for me.  And yet I have to remind myself that’s simply my take on a person; other people may find them fascinating and lively and conversational.  But if not, people will discern that soon enough without me pointing anything out to them.

I just find this a very simple way to live and to be true to everyone: ourselves, our close friends, and to others whose personalities or styles we may not assimilate with.  There are always way more positives about a person than negatives—always.  So why would we ever choose to focus on only those or even bring them up for the sake of being “honest”?

I guess I assume others have grappled with this, but maybe I just live in my head too much.  For whatever it’s worth, I’m grateful for Heavenly Father’s simple instruction and for a reminder to always choose to be loving.