"You're nice."

 I helped 7 year-old little neighbor guy with his life jacket while we were boating with their family one day.  “You’re nice,” he told me. I was completely taken by surprise.  I’ve told you before, I’m not really a kid person.  I know, I’ve got five of my own, I’ve had hundreds of kids in and out of my house, I’m at school a fair amount, I’ve spent time with them at church.  And yet this is still a weak area for me.  That’s the backdrop I was leaning against.  All I’d done was fasten his little vest.  Maybe patiently.  Probably softly.  Anyone would’ve done it.  It had nothing to do with me.  But it did something to me.  Because of two little words given as a result of an honest assessment on his part, he changed me in a small way.  I wanted to be what he thought I was.

I have a lady friend who is at least 80.  She tells me how nice I am to pick her up and take her where we need to go.  I feel like I’m just doing my duty, anyone would do it, I know I’m not nearly as sweet about it as she seems to think I am, and I hate that I’m not.  But I do appreciate opportunities to turn things around, to use information to become a better person.  She made me feel like I am more than I know I am.  So she’s having the same effect on me as my young friend; because of the potential they see in me, I long to live up to their expectations.

I know what you’re thinking.  I’m not really a mean person.  I don’t know anyone who is.  But sometimes I do things more out of duty or without really engaging my whole heart.  I hate that I sometimes hurry through the parts of bedtime instead of relishing the whole experience.  I hate that sometimes I pray out of habit more than to be close to Heavenly Father.  Sometimes I go through the motions, it looks fine, but I’d like to be genuinely nice in all areas of my life, not just the ones I pick and choose.  I’m maybe not alone. 

It’s no secret that I’m a words person, and so I’m sure I’m more sensitive than maybe others.  However, Mark Twain confessed, “I can live for two months on a good compliment,” and I believe it’s a boost to anyone to acknowledge the good you witness.  Usually I try not to get too hung up on compliments from people because I figure there is just as much that people aren’t saying that I need to work on.  The reason these two instances stand out is because they came from uncharacteristically honest segments of the population: the young and the old.  Neither one is afraid to call it as they see it, with no guile or hidden agenda.  I took them at their word and took what they told me to heart.  They prompted me to become a person who is genuinely nice, not just dutifully nice.

We all have similar opportunities to affect the people we interact with.  Goethe apparently taught, “Look at a man the way that he is and he only becomes worse, but look at him as if he were what he could be, then he becomes what he should be.”  I hate fake, I’m not talking about the inflated praise from the 90s.  I just know that my mom and sister make a point, for instance, of noticing young men and teens, pointing out the good they see, nothing counterfeit, just honest appreciation for, say, opening the door or being helpful.  That small gesture seems to help the young men think of themselves as gentlemen, and so they act a bit more like it because these beautiful older women took the time to acknowledge their potential.

I see the value of this philosophy.  If it can work with me and the young men my mom and sister encourage, I’m  convinced it can impact others too.  Assume the best, look for any glimmer of good, and tell people what you observe.  Your impression could bring out latent qualities they weren’t aware others could see.  And encourage them to become what you know they can be.