The right person for the job

Maybe it’s a tray left on a table at Café Rio, an empty cup on the ground at the mall, a new parent at the PTA meeting, a grandma trying to reach the tapioca on the top shelf in aisle 6.  You’re sure it’s someone’s job, that someone has the assignment to take care of the issue.  Just a fleeting observation, nothing more.  But when you don’t see a store worker or someone else  coming to help out does it nag at you?  Do you wonder if maybe it’s up to you to do something?

So many times I’ve noticed a need, and yet I wonder what my responsibility is.  I’m good with trash, opening doors, handing cans of soup to the old ladies, the quick, impersonal, task-related aid.  That’s the easy stuff.  The problem is when there’s a need for real hard-core interaction like when someone is new or standing alone or looking a little awkward or seeming a bit insecure.  I’m an observer by nature, so I notice this kind of stuff all the time.  Probably because it’s so familiar; I can almost feel it myself.  But this is where it gets tricky.  In my mind I keep thinking surely the president or hostess or leader of whatever group we’re in will make a move to remedy their discomfort.  But I keep an eye on the situation just in case.  By now it’s stressful.  Because sometimes no one comes to the rescue.  And simply because I’m perceiving a need left dangling I wonder if that means I should be the one to do something.

But have you ever felt that you’re not exactly the right candidate for the job?  That’s how I always feel when it comes to this kind of hard stuff.  Do we have an obligation to do something just because we observed a lack?  I do wonder about this.  As much as I sometimes hesitate, I think the answer is yes.  I’m specifically thinking about people who need a friend, who are on the fringes, who might be a little uncomfortable, who are new and just need a reason to join in.  I long for them to be included, to be invited, to be swept up in friendship.  But most of the time I just feel like it needs to be someone else doing it. Someone with a bigger presence, an outgoing persona, a hearty personality, an extrovert, a party type, the one who has no fears.  Because that’s not me, and some people make me nervous.  What would we talk about?  Do we have anything in common?  Would our husbands get along?  I’m already sure she thinks I’m a freak, a church lady, a fake, a little different.  Maybe she wants to stand by herself.  It would be awkward if I spoke to just the husband.  I don’t want to make a fool of myself.  I don’t want to walk all the way over there.  It’s been a long day and I just want to talk with my friends.  I don’t have the energy for that tonight.  I’m too shy.  I’m sure she has friends.  Surely there’s someone better suited for the task.

But what happens when that someone is already busy or not there or doesn’t pick up on a nearly imperceptible need.  Risk-taker I am not, but when it comes to other people’s feelings, I will be vulnerable, I will take a chance.  I figure it’s better for me to feel a little uncomfortable, possibly rejected, than for me to watch and know that someone else is feeling self-conscious and alone.  It’s worth it to make the first move, to introduce ourselves, to invite the new family over, to include the hard people, to send a note, to risk an awkward evening.  Because I think there’s magic at play when we do.  I will admit that sometimes it’s hard.  It’s not always smooth.  We won’t necessarily be best friends.  We don’t always click.  And yet, it works out.  We all get to know each other better.  We find common ground.  We have some background.  She’s not alone anymore.   She meets the other people who were there; sometimes they become friends.  We stepped out of our comfort zone, and so did they.

I guess I feel that when we happen to be blessed with occasions to hear and see, we are equally responsible to do something with what we glean from these opportunities.  We may not feel up to the task, we think surely someone better will come along who is better qualified.  But that’s not really up to us to worry about.  Being the right person is simply being the person who did something.  You may not be the perfect personality, their new best friend, or the life of the party.  But I just think what it must feel like to be in their situation.  We’ve all been on the other side, and it’s never mattered who the person was who rescued us, just that someone did.  And it made all the difference.