Talented

My entire life, up until like five days ago, I thought I just didn’t hear the announcement and make it to the line-up quick enough when they called out for the talent give-away.  I’ve consoled myself over the years by reminding myself ad nauseam of the parable of the talents; some only got one Caren, just be sure not to lose your one, don’t bury it whatever you do, it’s all you’ve got.  I’ve also reminded myself that some talents are as simple as being a good listener, not everyone gets to sing or write best sellers.  And so I’ve been fine, really; I’ve just always been in awe of the ones with ten, chalking it up to their good fortune.  

I told my little presidency the other day when they were talking about love notes, that it’s the only key I know on the piano of talents.  So I just keep playing it over and over and over.  But something clicked and I realized that I was just making excuses.  I realized that while that may be true, maybe we don’t have as many natural abilities as some others, talents are more than raffle tickets handed out as we floated out of the sky all those years ago on our way to earth.  It’s not as cut and dry as we may think: she’s talented, I’m… not as much.

Over the years we’ve had numerous talks with our daughter who has been discouraged by the fact that she doesn’t do sports or play piano or any other number of things. I’ve felt sorry for her and disappointed in myself, feeling like it was my fault, wishing I could have a mom do-over (for like the two thousandth time).  But then it hit me that we provided opportunities for her at every turn throughout her short life.  We let her play soccer and volleyball and try piano, she has a guitar, we bought material for a quilt.  We gave her art lessons, we’ve offered a million times to sign her up for sewing lessons. I cook nonstop and I’ve encouraged her to join me repeatedly and learn before she leaves for college.  But you might know our philosophy by now, we let our kids choose for themselves and make as many decisions as possible.  And with at every junction, I asked her if she was sure, absolutely sure, she wanted to quit piano.  Definitely.  No more volleyball? No. You sure you don’t want to take a class? No, I’m good.

So the other day I got it, took myself out of the equation and gave it back to her.  And realized I struggle in exactly the same way.  And perhaps most of us do.

It hit me that some, if not most, of the talents we admire in others are simply a result of their efforts.  Of course some are born with beautiful voices or an affinity for numbers or have just the right physique for ballet or basketball, I’ll give you that.  But truly, I’m beginning to see that I’ve just assumed that it was all just a little lopsided with nothing to do but shrug and give myself and Avery the pep talk, that’s just the way it is.

But what if talents aren’t just gifts bestowed upon us from a good witch with a magic wand (or God), what if we could actually create talents ourselves?  What if we had power to develop whatever talents we want?  And please note that I’m not taking God out of the loop.  I absolutely believe we are each given talents, special gifts unique to us that come a little easier, that we embrace and feel comfortable with, as though we’d developed them before and are just remembering.  Absolutely.  I’m just saying, there may be more we can do, we shouldn’t limit ourselves to what comes easy and what we’re good at.  We can push ourselves to try things that aren't as natural, that are a little uncomfortable, that take some work. 

I just think back to the rough starts of so many athletes, inventors, writers, and other well-loved and admired folk.  They played ball for hours on their own.  Their projects and ideas and works were rejected repeatedly.  They failed over and over and over.  But their efforts paid off because they believed in themselves and because they worked.

I think of my dad who became a fantastic upholsterer.  He may have had some a natural inclination to work with his hands, but he didn’t make tiny models of furniture as a little boy.  It was something he learned and worked at over many, many years.  I think of my friends who sew so beautifully and seemingly effortlessly and of my friends who play piano and organ.  Some are naturals and truly have a gift, but others learned just the same way all of us would’ve had to learn, one book, one lesson at a time.  They’ve just put in the hours to practice and develop a skill.  I think of Andrew with his knives.  As an eight year-old he wasn’t making them, he simply tinkered in the garage with materials available to him.  He spent hours and years fine-tuning his art.  My mother-in-law makes amazing stained glass art, but she didn’t know a thing about it until she decided she’d like to try it as a hobby.  My sister takes poignant photos, but she’s been at it for years and years and years.  We’d probably label all these people as talented and wish we could have a talent of our own.  But in reality, it’s simply that they had an interest, a desire to try something.  And then they put in the time and effort, hours and hours and hours, years and years, to develop these skills.  It’s not so much that they just have an eye for photography or how colors go together or special dexterity or knowledge of music that was just born in them, although that may be true some of the time, they just stayed with it and put in the effort.

So my epiphany has freed me.  And embarrassed me. I’m excited about all the possibilities I always thought were closed to me. I don’t have to be limited by what I’m naturally good at, I can work to get good at anything I want.  I’ve always just told myself I’m not good at sewing, public speaking, running, singing, leading, they’re just not my talents… but what if I wanted to get better?  There’s no reason I can’t, now that I think about it.  I’m embarrassed because in essence I’ve been taking the easy way out, I’ve been lazy, full of excuses for why I’m not as talented as others in those areas.

And we don’t have to limit ourselves to dancing or sculpting, what if we were to develop our talents as far as relationships?  What if we stopped telling ourselves we just aren’t the compassionate type? Or an interesting conversationalist?  What if we made the effort to learn how to be a better communicator and friend? What if we don’t have to stay the way we are? What if we could make these weak areas stronger? What if we could create some of our own talents?

I know you all know this, I’m not sure why it never occurred to me before.  I guess I separated hobbies/interests and talents, thinking they were two different categories, when what we call talents can start out simply as interests that, with a little nurturing, just grew up.