A young mom friend asked the other day what Christmas traditions we have that help our family focus on Christ. To be honest, for years I felt like we’d invited satan to dinner more than Christ, and I immediately wanted to text her back, you’ve got the wrong number, I’m not that mom, someone else needs to hand out Christmas advice. I’m simply not doing all those things you’re looking at on Pinterest, it’s not me you want to ask for stuff like this.
Rather, I’m the mom who sees all the good ideas online that all my holy friends are up to, all the treats and projects and service for families to make and do and be I see in magazines and in my feed, all the envelopes in the mail waiting for me to stuff them full of checks… and I kind of just want a cup of hot chocolate and Hallmark.
We’re not awesome at any of this to be honest. I can share a few things we’ve tried, but you’re not going to be impressed; it’s truly nothing to be writing about. But you’re like my little sister, and you asked.
Christmas in my mind is essentially a time to think about Christ and how he loved, a springboard to get better at it. It’s the easiest time of year to practice because the spirit of love is almost palpable and opportunities abound. But it doesn’t mean it all has to be churchy. His spirit permeates our homes and families and lives any time we show love and warmth. We can practice serving and loving like him in a million small ways as individuals and families throughout the year. Over the years I’ve made the paradigm shift from thinking we aren’t feeling the spirit of Christ unless we’re talking about him in Jerusalem to… we are celebrating and honoring Christ any time we think about him, act like him, love like him, or serve like him. And no place is better to do that than in our families and among people close to us.
So in real terms, I keep trying to tell you, we’re still not all that great at this. And Christmas guilt is real. Even for a grown up mom and one who knows (and even preaches) better. It’s just that my heart has so many desires and ideas that roll down the proverbial bowling alley, bouncing against the bumper pads, hitting maybe one pin off to the side, getting one point for every ten I would like to have hit. I see so many other families who get strike after strike. (I’m not ashamed to admit I try to scroll past them and their good ideas as fast as I can.) I try, but I’ve never been that good at sports. Or note-worthy deeds.
But because you wanted to know, here’s what we’ve done over the years.
Every morning at breakfast before school we read scriptures. But during December, when the kids were little, I used to show them pictures of Christ’s birth, we’d talk about the different parts like the shepherds and wise men, the annunciation, etc. and hang them up during the month to remember the events. As they’ve gotten older, we just read scriptures pertaining to these events and Christ’s life rather than our regular scripture reading.
We gather most evenings during the year as a family again before bed for some kind of devotional (scripture, a quote, something someone learned in church or their reading, a short video, we talk about it… and of course family prayer), and so we just make it more Christmasy during December. I have a beautiful book of stories from the olden days of farms and one-room schoolhouses that I read to them from. And a binder full of Christmas stories I’ve collected. Sometimes Todd will take a turn, but he cries a lot. One of my favorite nights of the season started a few years back when I dreamed out loud to him. I would love it if I made cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate and we gathered in our cozy, dimly lit living room by the tree and you read A Rifle for Christmas to us. A long stretch for sure. But he acquiesced. And it’s stuck! But he can only get through like half before he starts crying and then I have to take over. Hands down one of my favorite traditions.
One friend got a bunch of picture books from the library and wrapped them and each night they’d unwrap one and read it as family. We tried it, maybe our kids were too old? Maybe it was too late each night? Didn’t work for us, but such a fun idea!
We had fun when they were younger buying a nativity set, breaking it into its components, decorating paper bags (not like that—they just colored on them with crayons), attaching a tag with a little scripture to go with the person or animal for the day and anonymously dropping it off to an unsuspecting family. The last night we gave them the creche and revealed ourselves. Took some effort each night, but I liked the spiritual component and carrying on the tradition that started when our friends did it for us. Some families also do the 12 days of Christmas and take random gifts to families, even going as far as to number them like 12 candy canes, 11 cookies, etc. So we may have done that, it’s obviously not something we usually do since I can’t remember though. Good grief.
We go to the mountains and cut down a Christmas tree and an extra one for boughs. This is where we excuse Christ and invite satan to join us. Todd and I can’t agree on this one for anything in the world. He wants symmetry, a little perfection; I’m the same way with trees as I am with everything else in my life, I’m completely at ease with less than stellar. I’m just generally freezing. And scared of getting our truck stuck since he insists in going back into the forest as far as we can in all sorts of ice and snow. I loved the past two years when we went to Lowe’s and picked up a bundled tree and were just surprised when it thawed and fluffed up later at home. No mountain trees smell nearly as good. And they aren’t prickly. But for the record, everyone else in the family loves our tradition of picking out trees in the mountains. Maybe I’m satan.
But I make up for it. I put out a Christmas puzzle this time of year. It’s true, we always have a puzzle out on the special table just for this purpose. But a Christmas puzzle just adds to the festivities. Too bad no one but Todd and I care about it. And an occasional guest with just as nerdy taste in hobbies. But at least we’re not fighting about the tree.
One fun habit we’ve adopted over the years comes from Todd’s growing up years. We all pick names from a hat around Thanksgiving time—anyone who will be with us on Christmas Eve including extended family and friends—and I write down who chose who. Then on Christmas Eve we exchange these little gifts, a $5 limit. Not a white elephant useless gift, but something like notecards for me, candy for nana, beef jerky for Todd. Nothing big, but it allows our kids to think about someone else’s tastes and likes, people like grandparents and our friends who come over. We spend a Monday night in December shopping for this night, trying to keep it secret from each other. We’ve done this for as long as we can remember and it’s simple enough to keep working.
I heard a great idea a few years ago and we’ve adopted it with great success. Because it’s easy and doesn’t involve crafting or making things cute. This woman gave each of her kids $200 (we cut that way, way down) around Thanksgiving time and they had to somehow give it away/spend it on other people before Christmas, then on Christmas Eve everyone shares what they did. I LOVE this so much!!! Because it gives the kids a chance to make decisions and to let their personalities shine. So sometimes they’ll buy critters like bees or chickens for someone in another country. Or food and clothes for the homeless teens. Or leave a small bit of cash somewhere as a surprise for someone. It is so fun to see what they come up with! If I had started this with some foresight, I would have us all collect our change during the year and each of us use that. But I’m typically a few years late with all my good ideas and so it is what it is. (We do have a Christmas envelope that I tuck away $20 here and there throughout the year just for this.)
The past few years we’ve encouraged them to all put some real thought into at least one gift. Ideally, make something for someone. One son wrote me a letter that I cherish; I’ve read it so many times and cry every time. (What boy writes his mom a letter??? I might never get another.) Another son made me a neon green Adirondak chair. Avery made her dad a pouch kit for his wood carving tools and a wood carrier with handles. Todd’s made cutting boards for his siblings. I can’t remember all the gifts, but we encourage them to use their skills and personalities, to just be thoughtful. We’re still gaining momentum here, but I love it.
We’re not into giving neighbor gifts. There was a time… and my mom was and is still amazing at this, making platters of all sorts of treats for all her friends. This is something I mindfully gave up years and years ago. But a friend taught me a different slant. She and her family each choose one person/family for their family night and they delivered that many plates of whatever she made. So that’s what we’ve done. We met some of our dearest friends this way years ago. They were new to the school and area and we’d never even met the parents, so we hestitantly and shyly made our way up their stairs and introduced ourselves. SO fun!! It’s made us think about who needs a little pick me up, maybe an old friend we’ve not been in contact with, a new person we want to meet, whatever. I love that it’s just one evening, seven plates, and we all have a say, it’s a choice and not an obligation. Because every year our circles widen, right? It’s no fun to have to try to choose or to feel overwhelmed, to think that if we forget to give someone caramel corn they might think our friendship doesn’t mean anything. Good grief, too much pressure! So we just go with our gut and what we feel like. Which is maybe bad. We just hope that our actions, our invitations, our dinners and lunches and times together during the year show our love more than a plate of fudge could. We do, however, send a family letter and pictures; if we do anything, that’s where we spend our money and time.
I’ve also been the WORST at teacher gifts. THE WORST. I always forget. I may have. I have no idea. But I’m at peace. Every lovely thought or act doesn’t have to be crammed into the first three weeks of December. (Truth be told, I also forget Teacher Appreciation Week. And End of Year Gifts. Have I mentioned I’m not a gifts person?)
One family we know camps out under the Christmas tree the night before Christmas Eve; isn’t that so fun??? Todd would never go for that because it’s not comfortable. I, on the other hand, love camping and sleeping on the tent floor, so this would be like having hamburgers from the grill in the middle of a snowstorm, a sliver of summer coming to visit for the holidays. We’ll see; don’t hold your breath.
We took the kids to Bellisimo, a bell-ringing concert, last year on a Sunday afternoon in a huge stained-glass church downtown. Totally a mom thing, but I thought it’d be a good cultural event, and it was so festive, a sweet start to the season.
Years ago we started talking about Norweigan Christmas traditions with our kids and introducing some of their native foods for a family night. Todd lived there for two years and we wanted to keep some of that alive, a tradition we look forward to every year now.
We’ve taken the kids to our favorite little mountain town for their Stroll the first weekend in December. We go out to eat and stay at a hotel and walk up and down the Christmasy main street decorated in lights with fire pits in the roads, roasted nuts, hot chocolate and handmade treats, music, snow, and horse-drawn wagon rides… it’s one of our favorite traditions of all.
Christmas Eve may be just like everyone else. We have our nice dinner, open new pajamas, and gather for a Christmas video depicting the nativity and Christmas story. We usually read the story from the Bible (although our 16 year old informed me this week that she hates that part of Christmas…for the love). Years and years ago we used to trade homemade ornaments with all the cousins and we’d open them at this time, something I absolutely both loved and hated. The stress of crafting was intense for me. But I loved the tradition itself and how creative all the aunts and uncles were. SUCH a delightful tradition. But we dropped it a few years back. We traded books for a couple of years, but now we just send whatever we feel like. I miss it. Even as I’m super relieved. Anyway, after all that, we watch a family Christmas movie until we’re too tired to worry about Santa.
(ps I learned a few years back to get a Target bag for each kid and label it and put all their stocking stuffers in each bag as I got them so I could get a visual before Christmas Eve. Nothing worse than dumping everything you’ve bought into a big pile late Christmas Eve with your husband and realizing you miscalculated or forgot something… this has been a game-changer.)
By the way, we never do Santa anything. We’ve always been extremely ambiguous. Of course we read all the books and traditional stories, we watch all the claymation shows from the 70s and Elf and Polar Express, it’s not like we’ve ever talked them out of Santa; we’ve just never taught it. So no, we don’t have Santa presents or tell them their stockings are from Santa. We do however leave out cookies and milk, that’s weird now that I think about it. So it’s not that we have strong feelings about not keeping a legend alive, it’s just that when they’ve asked questions we’ve always responded with a vague What do you think? And then we typically respond with our standard, That would be interesting. Could be. Hmmm…
The Elf. This was a mom-guilt purchase. Because I’m not fun. And long to be. In a way. But not really. Anyway, $30 and a book and red elf later, I realized how much work I’d just added to my season. I decided right from the get-go ours would reflect the personality of our family. So he never did amazing feats or needed a lot of help doing tricks. He simply made snowmen or snow angels, hung out in the tree making snowflakes with tiny scissors, walked in snow shoes, flew around on our fan, read to the other stuffed animals, played in the toy house, ate sugar cookies, just stuff a mom can handle. I’d make a list in my planner at the beginning of the season of ideas (who can be creative at ten at night?) and cross them off like some sort of weird grown up advent calendar count-down. As old as they were when he came to live with us, they still used hot pads to pick him up and move him. Last year he just sat and watched. Kind of like our old dog who sleeps most of the day.
Speaking of which, we have a lazy Christmas day. Growing up, my mom cooked all day. I hated it. So we do a nice Christmas Eve dinner. But we do a frozen or earlier-made lasagna and brownies and ice cream and leftovers on Christmas. I make a breakfast casserole, Little Smokies, butterscotch rolls, cheese ball, snack foods. The kids also get sugar cereal. In my heart of hearts, I’d love to do traditional trifle (a nod to my Scottish heritage, tried it, no one likes it but me and my mom) or a meal like Christ may have had (I’m thinking about doing that for a family night in December this year, not Christmas day; don’t hold me to it)… but most important of all that happens on Christmas is that mom stays collected and doesn’t end up in her closet crying. So frozen lasagna usually works.
By this point I know you’re wondering what the point of all this was. She’s nothing special. In fact, she’s got nothing. I already knew all this. We’ve got things handled way better. I should’ve written this blog for her.
I know. That’s what I was trying to tell you. The thing is, I got sick of feeling overwhelmed at Christmas. It’s almost entirely up to the mom to remember everyone we’ve ever loved, to make things magical, to make everyone’s favorite food, and still be available for all-day shopping trips, long board games reserved for vacation days and late-night romantic Christmas movies with the girls. I guess I just decided long ago that it doesn’t all have to happen right now. Isn’t it better to have a neighbor gathering in boring February? Don’t we play board games every Sunday of our life? Didn’t I shop all year just so I wouldn’t have to go out in December? Don’t food pantries need food even more desperately in the summer? Don’t homeless teens need shorts and new underwear in July? Can we bring cookies to old people in January? And could we talk about Christ every day of our lives? And could we try to keep that love alive by continuing to think of creative ways to show it? At Christmas, I feel his love as we gather as a family each night. As we’re mindful about people around us, especially those who come to the forefront of our thoughts as we ask for direction. As we fit service into our lives in natural and personal ways. As we share the season with others who don’t have the blessing of family nearby. I just think Christ wants us to celebrate his life by following him, by giving, loving, and serving in small and simple ways like he did. So, if you consider that the mark, I think you’ll be fine no matter what traditions you choose for your family.
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