Dating doesn’t mean you’re engaged. Or even heading that way. There’s a lot to know about a person. And it’s the perfect way to learn a little more about yourself. Dating means you’re taking your time. You’re not giving up because you’re not sure where it’s headed. But you’re not committing just because it’s what other people do.
In the meantime, keep an open mind. But don’t keep waiting, hoping for something better to come out next year. Girls aren’t iPhones.
You need to be attracted to her, but remember what I’ve always told you. What if she got burned up in a fire?
Of course you want someone similar to what you’re used to. But not the same. Familiar but not family. You don’t want your wife to be like your mother or sister. You want her to to be your girlfriend. What do you want in a wife? Make a list. Not just for now but as a wife and mom. But not just as a mom but as a girlfriend.
You need to feel a spark. But not necessarily fireworks. Don’t settle if you’re just not feeling it. But don’t give it all away because it’s not like the movies. She should feel like your best friend. That you want to kiss.
You should have a few interests in common. But not really. You can like snowboarding and hunting; she doesn’t have to. But think about how you’d like to spend your time as a family down the road. Camping and hiking might top the list. Do you want to have a dog? Does she? Definitely up there with the Do you want to have kids conversation you’ll eventually want to have.
Consider deal-breakers. There are probably only a couple if you really really think about it.
Don’t rush it. But don’t be afraid if it’s right. Give it time. But get on it when you know.
You might both be young. Maybe too young for something this serious. You still have so much school. But what better way to get through school than with a wife?
Don’t stress so much. Enjoy your time together. But don’t just hang out and go to dinners and movies. Do hard things. Don’t be afraid when things go wrong. It’s a great chance to see what you’re both made of.
Does she make you want to be better? In a mom way? Or because she inspires you?
Are you with her because you’re comfortable or because it’s easy? Because she’s available or because you can’t get enough of her?
Are you not dating other people because that would be too scary or because you just really like the one you’re with?
Does she make you laugh? In a silly or annoying way? Or in the perfect way?
Are you proud to be with her? Or embarrassed that it looks so serious? And that she’s so young? Do you really want to base something like this (or anything for that matter) on what anyone else thinks?
Is she strong but not overbearing? Righteous but not self-righteous? Will she insist on doing things her way? You want a wife who can stand on her own but who considers you both equals. She should be self-sufficient but need you.
Does she need fancy? Is she high maintenance? Beware. But do you really want granola?
Is she orderly but not uptight? Organized but not ocd? Will she make a beautiful home? On a dime? And can she settle for an apartment with cinder block walls for now?
Speaking of dimes, she should be money-conscious but not a tightwad, generous but not a spendthrift. It’s ok to use coupons. But maybe not obsess about them. There’s nothing wrong with a woman who knows the value of a dollar and how to work. I’m thinking that’s what you want.
Not exciting? Maybe she doesn’t have much baggage. Not adventurous? You can’t tell when it’s simply a lack of exposure. Wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to have to show her the ropes. And slopes. And trails.
See? Clearly, it’s not that hard. Just a few simple questions, a little self-reflection. You’ll do fine. But if you have to ask, it’s probably not right. Not that it’s not the right person, just maybe not the right time. So take your time. But not all the time in the world. Ask God to help you know. But don’t expect him to tell you. Listen to your heart. He knows you’ve got this.
Beautifully said! I'm going to pass this one along to Hillary!
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