Because of Him

It’s a rainy Easter morning, chilled, darkish.  But this is my favorite kind of day ever.  I love lying in bed listening to the raindrops, I loved the thunder and lightning last night, I love the contrast of dark skies with bright green lawns.  I love feeling cozy as the rain comes down, secure and warm inside.

In thinking about Easter, of course, my thoughts center on Christ.  And the impact he’s had on my life.  There’s no way I could capture or recall all the ways He’s made a difference—the difference—in my life.  His influence reaches every part of my life, it’s immeasurable.  But in every way, my life is enhanced because of my knowledge of and love for Him.  His love—His message—is simple.  And so are my feelings about Him.

Because of Him, I don’t worry about death the way I used to.  I know we’ll be with our families again and that He will carry me through the heartache of loss.  I felt that strength as He helped us deal with the death of my dad, of friends, of my grandparents.  I know they’re alive and well and happy and that He made that possible.

Because of Him, I am comfortable questioning.  So many parts of life are simply a mystery to me.  I know He’s ok with me asking about it all.  He’s not threatened or anxious or worried by my questions.  I know He is the source of all my answers.  I know there are merely things I don’t understand.  That He does.  And so I trust that I’m just not there yet.  I remember how much I’ve learned so far.  And that life isn’t over.  That I’m young.  That I still have so much to learn.  Because of Him, I have faith that there are answers.  That He will help me find them as I’m patient and as I exercise faith.

Because of Him, I have hope.  That I can change.  That I’m not stuck in today.  That I can evolve—even transform.  That I can get better.  That I can put my past behind me.  Yes, I’ll continue to remember my mistakes and regrets, but I’m not tethered to them.  It’s so I can learn from them.  I’m ok with this.  They don’t define me.  They are simply stepping stones as I learn to walk like Him.

Because of Him, I’m understood.  So often I’m left wondering who I can talk to, who will understand the nuances of this situation, who won’t judge me, who will listen with empathy even when my heartache is embarrassingly small compared with the cares of the world?  But I always go back to Him.  However it works, I have no idea.  But when I open my heart, when I’m vulnerable with Him, I know He understands a middle-aged mom’s concerns about kids and family.  That He knows how it feels to be misunderstood, misjudged, left out, alone.  He knows about stress and heaviness.  He knows what the world is like and how to nurture my anxieties and worries and sadnesses.

Because of Him, I know what love feels like.  And, more than anything, this is how I want to live.  Because of Him, I get to practice, I have an exemplar.  In every instance, I have a choice.  And Because of Him, I know what I should do.  I hardly ever get it right, I flounder and am stubborn in my pride, but I’ve seen a better way.  And every now and then, I try it His way and can see how love is consistently the answer.  Charity never fails.  His love is always the key.

And so, just like my rainy day, the world can feel a little dark and dreary.  It may feel like the rain will never stop, that the sunny days were just a memory, that this is all there is now.  But Because of Him, there are rainbows ahead, warmth and light are not just a recollection.  I love the contrast of the gray world and the brightness of His love.  Even on the gloomiest of days, we know there’s hope of sunshine in the future—because of Him.