What I believe

I still believe parents reading with kids on their laps trumps any screen play, no matter how “educational” the game or material appears.  

I believe family dinnertime should be a top priority in our lives regardless of what else we may have to forego.  

I don’t believe in medicating kids for every disruption they make in our lives.  

I believe in more recess and movement in school. I believe kids would do better if they were allowed to do their work outside or have more physical breaks. I don’t believe in making preschoolers do seat work.  I believe their play is their work.

I don’t believe sports are all that we make them.  I believe there’s a place for them of course; they teach valuable life skills about showing up, being committed, working together, and using our bodies in positive ways.  But I feel that they may not be worth what we’re giving up.  I believe that sometimes they are costing us too much in terms of family time, unstructured free time, and the opportunity to develop other interests, hobbies, and talents.

While I believe there may be a place for counseling, I’m not convinced rehashing the past in a dark quiet room for years on end is better for a person than learning new life skills and getting out there and serving.

I believe in being generous.  And in believing there is enough.

I believe in not worrying about how much food our kids and their friends eat.  I believe in letting them make and eat whatever they want when their friends are over.  I believe if there’s food, they will come.

I believe in ice cream on weekends.

I believe in letting our kids do as much as they possibly can on their own.  That they can take care of their hair cuts, money, plans, and paperwork.  And that all of it helps them grow up.

I believe family vacation is one of the best investments we can make.  I believe in camping.  That it does more good than some of the fancier destination packages.

I believe real food is inherently superior to anything in a package.  I don’t believe supplements are always necessary.  I don’t subscribe to diets and am dubious as to their long-term effectiveness.

I believe in dessert.  I believe in being choosy and thoughtful about what treats we indulge in, but by all means have ice cream on vacation with the family, have birthday cake, have a piece of pie at Thanksgiving, have a cookie.  Just go easy.

I believe in letting our kids solve their own problems.  And in doing their own homework, science fair projects, talks, lunches, and hair.  I don’t believe in checking their grades online.

I believe children thrive best in a household where parents love each other and are committed to the family.  I believe the marriage relationship is the foundation of a healthy family and kids feel most secure when they know and feel that relationship is solid.  I don’t believe kids should rule the household.  Although I do believe they should absolutely have a voice.

I believe in structure and routines.  To a degree.  I don’t believe in strict curfews, I believe in talking about their plans and agreeing on a reasonable end-time.  I believe in baths and songs and stories.  And that they will eventually learn to go to bed when they’re tired.

I don’t believe in micromanaging our kids.  I believe when we do that, we are telling them we don’t trust them.  It undermines their confidence and creates a need to hide.

I believe in spending time with friends, that it’s worth leaving the dishes to sit together on the couch to just be together for an afternoon.  I believe in the infinite value of friendships and in making the effort.  And that to have a friend we need to be a friend.

I believe a weekly date with our spouses is the best money we will ever spend.  Same with overnighters.

I believe in clean sheets every Friday.

I believe in quiet time with our thoughts. 

I don’t believe in mixing church with anything else.  I don’t believe in holding earning a church award over their heads before they can drive.  I believe in letting them choose.  In teaching them what we believe and encouraging them to figure out what they believe.

I believe in hard work.  And that this is what kids these days are missing out on.  I believe they should have jobs working for someone besides us.  I believe they should get paid a real wage and not some inflated pretend wage.  I believe it’s ok for them to sweat and hurt.  And to be bored.  And to complain.  And to miss out on some fun because they have to work.  I believe kids should contribute to the household simply because they’re part of the family.  I don’t believe they should be paid for chores.

I believe in good conversation.  And engaging our kids.  That we should talk across the generations.  That we have so much to learn from each other.  That we should listen more than talk. I believe kids, teenagers, and young adults can teach us so much when we pay attention to what they’re saying and when we take time to ask their opinions.  I believe in sharing our real thoughts.

I believe in music. That we should expose our kids to all sorts of genres.  That we should encourage them to play an instrument or to sing.  I believe beautiful music can nurture a warm feeling in our homes and can be a peaceful backdrop.

I believe in phone calls.  With a son in college, with a sister or mom, with a friend from years back.  I believe in talking to the insurance person on the other end as if she were a real person who knows that the roads are like, who has kids, who is just trying to do her job.

I believe in visiting people in their homes, especially those who live alone.  There is no better way to get to know someone than to see where and how they live.

I believe in being at the crossroads when the kids are coming and going.  Even when they’re teenagers.

I believe in the power of touch.  That we long for physical connection.  I believe teenagers especially need hugs.

I believe in going over to meet the neighbors.  And in having families over for dinner.

I believe in owning our feelings, in helping our kids identify them, in reminding them there’s not a feeling that’s bad—it’s what we do about and with them.

I believe in letting kids go.  And not hovering.  To camp, on band trips, to DC, to Scotland, to their cousins’ a couple states away, with their sports teams, to stay with their grandparents, to a concert, camping with their friends.  I believe it’s crucial to their development to be away from parents and to be with other adults and in having to navigate new situations on their own.

I believe in thank you notes.  That it does more for the gift recipient than the giver of the gift.

I believe in not worrying about mixed up meals at a restaurant too much.

I believe in not fussing over having everything look just right.  I believe people just want to spend time together and that most people couldn’t care less about the decorations or colors.

I don’t believe in buying school pictures.  Too staged and too expensive.  My sister does a way better job.  I believe in family pictures.  I just don’t like getting them taken.

I believe in potlucks and in sharing the responsibility.  I believe in using real dishes and silverware.  I believe we contribute enough as it is to the landfills.

I believe our bodies and minds are inextricably connected.  And that many physical issues are the result of our thoughts.

I believe our houses should feel homey.  Tidy but like real people live in them.  Welcoming and warm and real.

I believe God doesn’t want us to define ourselves by our mistakes.  I believe He cares about the state of our hearts.  And where we’re heading.  And that He wants us to get past our hiccups and get on with things.

I believe in reading nooks.  I believe books should never be out of sight.  That they should be tucked in back-seat pockets and on bed stands and by the kitchen table.  I believe we should always be in the middle of a book and have one waiting.  I believe in carrying a book everywhere I go.

I believe in keeping records of our lives through pictures and letters and memorabilia.  I believe everyone has a story.  I believe we might forget if we don’t write it all down.

I believe every character trait has a good and bad side.

I believe in being vulnerable.  I believe people are not that different.  I believe most people care about their families and just want to feel connected and loved.  I believe people want to feel noticed and cared about.  I believe in acknowledging our humanness.  And with those assumptions in mind, I believe nothing I’ve felt or gone through is that unusual and that most people can relate to each others’ experiences.

I believe in print media.  In magazine subscriptions.  For every family member.  I believe holding a book or newspaper or magazine is a superior experience to reading online.  And that we retain more information when we engage more of our senses.

I believe our family members who have died are extremely interested in what we are doing.  That part of their work is to help us.  That they are closer than we think.  That they have the power to strengthen us.  I believe in angels.  And that some of these angels are our ancestors.

I believe in the power of a handwritten, stamped letter in the mail.  I believe it can change someone’s day, strengthen a relationship, and help us feel closer to each other.

I believe we should get outside every chance we can.  I believe a walk can change our mood.  That kids thrive in nature.  That we need to carve out time and space for exploration and wonderment.  That whenever there’s an option, it always feels better to do it outside, whether it’s eating dinner on the porch, picnicking in a roadside pull-out, reading on the hammock, talking with friends on the tramp, playing cards in the treehouse, or sleeping in a tent.

I believe in having pets.  I believe they are God’s gift to us.  To teach us about unconditional love and how to care for something besides ourselves and to comfort us.

I believe, generally speaking, most people look best in whatever color hair God gave them.

I believe in letting kids use real tools instead of plastic fake ones.  I believe in teaching them how to cut safely with a knife or scissors and in letting them chop the vegetables and letting them try out the screwdriver.

I believe there is power in the morning. In getting up early.  And going to bed at the same time every day.  I believe in going to bed with my husband.

I believe in miracles.  I believe love changes things.  And is the catalyst for most miracles.

I believe there is a God who knows and loves us and who is intimately involved in our lives.  I believe in our Savior Jesus Christ.  And I believe He is the most perfect man and friend who ever lived.  I believe they are closer than we think.  And love us more than we can imagine.