I was just starting to see a glimmer of light when I’ve been going out to start the kids’ vehicles at 6:15 every weekday morning. Until the time change; now it’s dark again. I hate this part of my day. Especially when it was 13 below, when everything’s icy, and the air feels sharp and prickly. I feel like I’m waking a teenaged boy on a Saturday morning as the vehicles cough and sputter, annoyed that I’m shaking them to life. I wear Todd’s Carhart jacket, my knit hat with a pom pom that Andrew gave me for Christmas especially designated for my outdoor chores, an old neon-orange and black pair of perfectly good puffy kid ski gloves that Callum was discarding. I also have on my cut-off sweat shorts because I’ve been exercising. A funny outfit to be sure. Goes without saying that my legs are always freezing. So yeah, I hate this part of the day. It shocks my system, it’s dark and frigid, and it interrupts my exercise time. However, it is simply my job. Or at least it’s the service I choose to give my kids. They’re always scrambling trying to get ready, to remember their sports gear, work shirts, water bottles, lunches, breakfast. If it were up to them, they simply would go out to frozen vehicles because there’s no way they would take time to go out to start them ahead of time. And generally our parenting style would dictate that’s what should happen. Except I love the idea of giving them a nice warm truck or van that’s been defrosted and wiped of snow, a little treat to help start their days off on a good foot. So since I’m out every morning anyway, I decided it was up to me to decide how I wanted to look at it. I choose to note how much it snowed. How quiet and serene and dark it is. I choose to pay attention to the stars, to see which animals have skittered across our yard in the crisp night. I choose to enjoy the satisfaction of clearing piles of snow from their cars and from the sidewalk, carving a path for them so their short running shoes won’t fill in with snow, the accomplishment of getting these old weakened vehicles to start. As quick as I can change my thoughts, I’ve changed my entire experience. (Even though my legs are still always cold.)
I thought about other things I don’t really love about my day. Getting up. I resent my alarm going off at 5:30. It’s harsh and disruptive. And yet I’m usually awake anyway; years of habits just train our bodies. I don’t ever have much exciting to wake up to. Let the dog out, start the laundry, sometimes make bread, sometimes read, always exercise, help if the kids need lunches or breakfast before they scramble out the door. Not like when Todd’s getting up to go hunting or fishing or we’re going to take a long road trip. Everyday getting up is just not that motivating. But since it’s just part of my day, I choose to find the good. It’s fun to tiptoe downstairs in the quiet dark listening to the hum of the heater. To see the dark turn to light. To hear the dryer. I love having the house to myself and getting some things done before the day really even starts. And so I focus on that as I will myself to make the big move from slumber to wakefulness.
Ironically, I also have a hard time going to bed. Of course I’m tired by the end of a full day. But I hate the ritual of brushing and flossing, of taking out my contacts and taking my pills and washing my face. I’m usually too exhausted to want to deal with it all. I’d rather stay up and do our puzzle listening to our fun music. I’d rather keep reading. Or talking. But responsibility dictates that we put ourselves to sleep instead of staying up too late. We know it will impact the next day if we don’t. And so I choose to be grateful for clean flannel sheets and our little bed lights. I still love the smell of Ponds night cream. I’m glad when I’ve taken out my contacts a couple hours earlier. It feels nice to get into pajamas and to be comfortable. I’m thankful I have a bed. And a husband. And that our kids are all home. I’m grateful Todd wants to pray with me. That we get to talk and relax together. Going to bed should be the best part of the day and, truthfully, I really do love the feeling of finally being able to lie down and rest. It’s just that I have so many other things I want to do instead of sleep, and the chore of getting ready kind of dampens my mood.
Since I’m putting it all out there, I also don’t really love cooking dinner. My favorite days are when we’re a) having leftovers or b) I get something going in the crockpot early in the day. I just don’t love spending an hour in the kitchen every night. But, I have strong feelings about eating dinner together as a family, and so I choose to make the most of it. It’s the perfect time to listen to my podcasts or talks I’ve been meaning to get to. I like providing healthy food and a reason to gather every night, so I focus on making it full of fruits and vegetables and trying new recipes. I like the security it provides our family, the reassurance that regardless of what else is going on, we will always, always have a meal to come home to. That mind switch has helped turn a chore into a way to show my family I love them.
Last year the kids joined another county school for track, and this year we’re doing it again. At first I was annoyed by how much time it took from my day: the kids got out of school at 3, by the time they changed, we drove out there and had practice, it was about 5:30 by the time we got home. I know I could drive home for an hour, but that’s a lot of gas and time for what? So I decided to make the best of it. I packed snacks for everyone, including popcorn for me. I made this my nap time and my reading time. I caught up on my correspondence and planning. I loved being out in the pretty day and having time to myself where I wasn’t distracted by my house work. I actually look forward to track season this year; it forces me to sit and read, I get my nap in, I have to plan dinner earlier on in the day, and I get to be with my daughter and her friends as we drive there and back. All good!
We’ve been trying to spend one weekend night as a family. This past week was prom, so Todd thought it’d be fun to go to dinner and a movie with the youngest two. Dinner was nothing fancy, just pitas, but still a treat. And the movie… I tried to suggest he and another dad take all the kids, but I knew he wanted it be our little family. Which is great. I suggested it would be akin to me taking him to see The Nutcracker. Live. But he is a quality time kind of guy and this kind of stuff makes him happy. The last movie I’d seen in a theater was The Greatest Showman. And before that I think it was Frozen. So I agreed to our family outing. It was some kind of Marvel movie. I had no idea what it’d be like, so I decided to just have an open mind and was sure it’d be fine. Good grief. I couldn’t believe we still had an hour and a half (or two? I had no idea). Other planets. Stars. Space craft. Creatures. Fighting. It was the last movie in the universe I’d choose to sit through. And I’d already taken a nap earlier that afternoon, so I couldn’t even do that. Although I tried. But as I sighed and tried to not be a brat, I decided there were some good elements to it. I liked remembering Blockbuster. It was fun to go back in time and recall the 80s. I loved the main girl’s hair, so cute. So I paid attention to that in the different scenes. I was amazed at the make up and masks and special effects and stunts, fascinating! Because I had my eyes closed during the time I was trying to take a nap, I was able to really hear the music, incredible! Film scores blow me away, and so it was fun to be able to listen to it without the distraction of the show’s action. And my favorite part of all was just being able to sit uninterrupted next to Todd holding hands. I just love that so much. And it made me happy that he and Callum were entertained and enjoying themselves. (Bronwyn was in the same state I was, I’m afraid.)
I’m sure all of us have parts of our days we’re not thrilled about. Maybe it’s getting the kids out the door in the morning or the bedtime routine. Maybe nap time with toddlers is almost not worth it. Maybe you have a job you hate, a commute that’s long, a business week away from your family. But since usually they’re pretty much a given, we may as well find the good. I love that Todd uses his drive time to catch up with NPR. Others use their weeks in new cities to see the sites. I suggested to a friend who’s in a new and isolated work environment that she enjoy her alone time and listen to interesting talks while she works on the computer. I just believe we still have a choice. And by switching up our thoughts, our attitude, and the way we see opportunities, we can transform parts of our days from something we dread to something we actually look forward to.
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