Ask the expert

I can’t help but think of all the collective wisdom that’s out there. It seems like we’re missing out on some of that if we don’t take the time to talk with the people we encounter throughout our days.  I've noticed that everyone is an expert at something.  Test it in your next conversation.  Whether it’s quilting, the classics, cars, board games, gardening, home improvement, bread making, or painting, everyone’s into something.  So it behooves us to not only take advantage of their accumulated knowledge so we can apply it to our own lives, but it enriches our lives just by getting to know them a little better--whether it's a serviceman, a clerk, or a new acquaintance.  

So when I’ve had washer repairmen out, I ask what sort of washing machine they’d recommend, if this is a good model.  When we had our front loader I asked how much soap to use and how best to clean it.  What kind do they have in their homes?

When our kitchen pipes and dishwasher have had issues in our old house, I learned how much food is ok to leave on plates and to put down the disposal (not much at all).

When we’ve had Roto-Rooter out, we’ve pumped the guys for answers.  What caused this? What can we do to prevent this from happening again?  What’s the condition of our septic tank? What would you recommend?  How much time do we have left with these?

When we were shopping for running shoes, I asked the saleslady what the real differences between the various price ranges.  What, for our daughters’ level of activity, would really be necessary.  Same with hiking boots for Todd. Were the $500 ones really worth it?  And we paid attention to whether they were just trying to sell us or if they were honest. I ask them straight up which ones they buy.  If they’re wearing the ones they’re trying to sell us, I take note.

When I get my hair cut—everywhere I’ve been—I ask about shampoos, color, current trends, tips to help my daughter’s hair be healthier and longer, just all sorts of things.  I figure we have at least 45 minutes together, may as well pick her brain and get her opinion on some things.

Same with my massage friend.  I ask her about muscles and exercises and why and what’s going on.  We have the whole hour to talk.  She knows so much!  I absolutely love hearing her thoughts about bodies.

When I’ve gone to donate blood and my iron’s been low, I’m anxious to hear what to change so next time I’ll be successful.  I know now to drink plenty and to keep my hands warm and to massage my finger so the little test will go better.  I have a list of iron-rich foods.  And others to avoid.  I’ve asked how often is too often to donate for a woman.

When we’ve stayed in a new city, we try to ask our Bed and Breakfast hosts where the locals like to eat, what they recommend to see and do.  We figure they live in that town, plus they hear from all their guests what’s been tasty and entertaining.  They’re a wealth of information.

I’m super bad at reading the booklets that come with electronics.  I’m underutilizing every device and tool I have.  But every now and then I’ll get smart and ask someone.  My sister and kids are awesome at knowing this kind of stuff.  A friend taught me how to use the timer on my phone camera just this week.  I’ve never used Siri or the map ap that talks you through the directions to get somewhere.  I’m honestly just too lazy.  But it’s been good to ask people and take advantage of their collective wisdom.  I think it’s fun for them to use their gadgets, so I swallow my pride and ask for help.

I’ve asked my dentist what he recommends when he mentions an issue with me or one of the kids.  I’ve gone in to an oral surgeon for a recent wisdom tooth development.  I appreciate the honesty when he’s told me to just leave it and try to keep it clean.  My dentist told me for years to hold off on gum grafting until finally it was time—because I trusted him, I went with his advice.

I enlisted my interior decorator friend to just come help us with some ideas when we first bought our house.  She was so gracious and generous as she listened and shared her ideas.

I’ve asked my photographer friends for advice on family pictures, especially clothing.  I know now to keep it relatively simple.  Not matchy-matchy, but coordinated.  Start with you (the mom) and build around what you feel good in.  Don’t use small patterns.  In fact, stay away from patterns completely if you can help it.  Just great tips I don’t know we would’ve thought of.

I’ve talked to temple presidencies ever since I started going, just asking questions about all sorts of things.  I figure they’re there all the time, maybe they have some thoughts that will trigger my own thinking.  And I’ve found that to be the case. Obviously they’ve never given me direct answers.  But they’ve guided me and encouraged me as I’ve sought out my own.

I do this especially with women just a season ahead of me in life.  Ever since I was a very new and young mom I’ve asked those just a little older for advice.  What would you do differently if you were in my stage?  What worked? What have you learned?  What advice do you have for me? I’m still asking friends these same questions, but now it’s in relation to how to parent grown up kids or how they’ve dealt with technology.  Mothers who have been there are a goldmine of information and solid advice.

We’ve also gone the other way and asked our kids some questions because they’re certainly the experts on what it’s like to be them and to be growing up these days.  I like to talk to young adults especially, maybe my favorite age group of all.  Maybe because they’re past the teen years but not too far removed from what was important then.  They have a more mature perspective and yet they still get it, they understand what teenagers are thinking.  So they’re super helpful and very expert-like.

Honestly, everywhere we go we’re running into experts.  We can ask the teller at the bank what account option would be best for us given our circumstances.  What do my nurse and doctor friends think about this medication or vaccine?  Which sleeping bag or backpack would suit our circumstances? What’s your opinion?

And so it goes.  I admit I don’t feel like much of an expert on anything, but when there’s an English paper or grammar worksheet, I might be helpful.  When it comes to using time well, I might have some thoughts.  And when the kids have questions about how something works or how to go about doing a woodworking project, Todd has some experience he can share.  If people want to pick his brain about gardening or raising bees, he’s learned a few things. When it comes to history or science or the classics, Mitchell’s our go-to.  Avery’s got her fingers in all sorts of social and political issues.  Callum and Andrew have spent quite a bit of time learning about snowboarding and bikes, so they’re awesome resources.  And B is quite the expert on living simply and organized, without drama, without a fuss, just straightforward and contentedly.

So even in our simple family we have some things we’ve learned over the years.  And I choose to assume every single person we meet or befriend or chat with has some of that too.  So whether we’ve asked someone to repair or build something for us, if we’re at the hardware store befuddled by the paint choices, or if we’re just not sure what’s the best menu option, it's never a bad idea to at least ask.  

I just think life is too short to have to figure out everything the hard way.  I know we can research cars, but why not ask a friend who owns a dealership what he thinks?  Or a friend who owns the one we’re contemplating buying?  Obviously we can look into coolers, but why not ask the guy who already has the cooler we’re thinking of buying if he’d buy it again?  If we’re thinking about going gray, why not ask our hairdresser the best way to go about that?  If we have friends who took a cruise, went to that mission, made that recipe, gave a great lesson, wrote an intriguing piece, why not ask them about it? How’d it go, how did you learn to cook or write or talk like that? Doing this is much more personal than interacting with a computer screen at home alone.  Or pretending that we’re not all people with similar families and lives—there’s nothing wrong with admitting that and enjoying a few minutes’ conversation with those we happen to meet.  It takes some humility to admit what we don’t know, but I’ve learned that most people are so happy to talk about their thing that they quickly forget our ignorance.  I figure I don’t have the time, patience, or even interest in being an expert in everything.  I’d rather defer to those who are and to glean what I can from their enthusiasm about whatever topic they’re wiling to tell me about and go from there, maybe deciding I'd like to become an expert in it myself someday.  But in the meantime I'm just happy to be learning from each other.