Christmas for one

Just re-thinking.  Do you moms ever do that?  Even as you could give the speech?  I know it’s enough.  I told you that.  And I have to be ok with it.  Because if it has to be for this Christmas, I’m noticing we’re running out of time.  But I couldn’t help but feel a little teary this morning.

My sister was just telling me about our other sister’s Christmas.  She felt they needed to do something for someone this season to feel the Christmas spirit, and so she found a little family who doesn’t speak any English through St. Vincent De Paul.  They delivered their Christmas packages and food yesterday.

I loved hearing the details of my sister’s experience with this family.  She is very private and so I don’t want to share her story in detail, but I was touched and very humbled.  They are like most of us, they have to stretch to make the most of their money.  But they wiggled things around in their budget and came up with the means to make Christmas for this sweet family.  All the 19 year old boy wanted was a pair of pants and a shirt.  And the 10 year old boy wanted was Legos.  In her typical way, she was more than generous.  As my sister relayed what our other sister was able to do, my love for her and her family grew.  She is my baby sister, but she teaches me so much.  I loved how she focused on just one small family.

Then my mom, in her Scottish story-telling voice, read us a story last night of another friend who had a similar experience.  Of a Christmas when they’d paid forward a generous Christmas they’d been given the previous year.  They found a humble home with a dirt floor not far from their own home in San Diego.*  I was touched by their story as much as I was my sister’s.

These two scenarios make me think of Christ.  And how he is all about the one.  Mother Teresa was that way too. As I've been reading a little book about her, I've been so impressed by her wisdom to not get overwhelmed but to focus locally and to pay attention to the needs of the individual.  I think that's why I’m crying, I can’t help asking myself if I’m missing the mark.  I’m like you, and even though we don’t do treats and little fun bags of anything, I still don’t want anyone to be forgotten.  Not so worried about our everyday friends… more the ones who don’t have much family or support.  And so we’ve tried.  But would it have been better for our kids to have focused on just one family and really thought about the individuals in that home?  I've wondered this morning if we've done it all wrong.  I recognize that we're all going to do things differently, and I honestly have felt a lot of peace this season.  But I still couldn't help but wonder if maybe these two stories have a lesson for me.

I loved how these friends and our sister went to the actual homes to deliver the gifts.  Their kids saw firsthand how desperate these families are.  My sister’s family only asked for corn meal and beans and rice for their Christmas dinner.  She said it made her three boys take note of what they had.  I can’t imagine it not changing them a little.  I’ve wished I’d done something just like that.

Because aren't you concerned about what we’re really teaching our kids?  Do you ever worry that they’re just not getting it?  Do you wonder if they know how lucky, how blessed, how over the moon rich they really are?  Simply because they have a warm home and beds and dinner?  Do they see it at all?  I’m desperate to teach them, to open their eyes, to shake them into recognizing how much we have and how grateful we should be and how we should use all we have to help others.  And I feel like, despite the good we try to do in tiny, tiny ways, it’s not sinking in.  They aren’t getting it.  They are sweet, I love our kids so much, of course I do.  And I don’t blame them for not knowing any different.  But yes, I’m teary that I may have missed a prime opportunity to do some good, to open their hearts in an impactful and personal way.  Please don’t lecture me and tell me that it’s all good, we all serve in our own ways.  I know.  I’ve given the talk a million times myself.  I just feel like maybe we should’ve taken one family and really focused on their needs like many of you are doing.  Maybe that’s a better way?

What I’ve really felt strongly this season, as I alluded to previously, is that we can serve beyond Christmas.  I can take what I’ve learned, seen, felt, and experienced through all of you and do better this year.  We are bad at serving as a family.  I’m not being any sort of humble, it’s the honest truth.  And I absolutely know why.  It scares me to death to lead my family into a nursing home.  I would have to be out in front.  I would have to lead us in the singing or talking.  How on earth would I ask a random grandpa if he’d like to play checkers?  It terrifies me to visualize it.  To be rejected.  My family would all hide behind me (if they’d agree to go at all), which is where I would want to be.  I’m scared to take us downtown to a homeless shelter. What would I say to them? I’m not sure I could be brave enough to take us to a cancer center. Would my look give it away that they scare me and then would we all just uncomfortably look at each other? What good would we even do?  It all comes down to my fears and insecurities as to why we don’t serve on a more personal level, it really is as simple as that. 

But as I've heard how quietly and intimately these two women have served with their families at Christmas, it inspires me.  To find the one, to focus on just a small corner of my little world, to help in more individual and thoughtful ways.  To not just send service from afar but to really get into the lives of people.  It's easy to send notes and treats and buy sweats and candy for people.  But I'm aware that we are lacking in personal connection, of seeing life up close, of noticing life through the eyes of those truly in need.

This is a gift I want more than any other this year, for my family to experience real giving. I feel keenly the need to introduce them and myself to real people. To notice the one. To get out of my scared box and link arms with my husband (and maybe another family to start with) and serve.  My family always accuses me of wanting to save the world.  And with a tender heart, it is frustrating to not know how to make any sort of difference.  But these two Christmas stories truly reiterated to me that the Spirit of Christmas is truly just the Spirit of Christ.  And that as we emulate his way of loving, we will notice the one, we will know that we are saving the world as we help one family and one person at a time, just like my sweet sisters and friends are doing.

*Christmas story