I've never

—found out any of our babies’ genders until they were born.

—or sent out a single baby announcement.

—been off the high dive.

—or any diving board.  I know.  Don’t even say it.  What happened is I missed the boat.  I could’ve tried it out at a friend’s house, but there were always so many people around.  I hate being watched.  And the public pool?  For a first time?  Are you kidding? Months turned into years and here I am, 43 and not the least bit interested.  I almost did a couple of years ago when we were at a friend’s indoor pool just to have done it, but then I thought no.  I’m the only 43 year old in the world who can claim this.

—liked to swim.  It feels good to move around and I love the exercise, but I’m always freezing and feel completely claustrophobic. 

—wanted a tattoo.  Until I changed my mind.

—liked my freckles.  Until a few years ago.

—liked listening to the news.  It still scares me.

—maximized the uses of any electronic item I’ve ever owned.

—slept in past about 9 a.m.

—regretted being too nice.

—liked the night and have always wished I didn’t have to sleep.

—enjoyed receptions.  Even those in my honor.

—finished a book I didn’t like.  Unless it was for a class.

—liked to run.  Well, back in 5th grade I think I was one of the fastest in my class.  I liked it then.

—been able to joke and tease with brother-like guys.

—had a manicure.  Except the day before I got married.

—been downhill skiing, snowboarding, or snow mobiling.  I don’t even care for sledding.
---read Harry Potter.  Or The Hunger Games.  Or seen the movies.  I started both book series.  Not my type.
---eaten Chinese food out of those little white take-out boxes.  It's on my bucket list.  It's in all the romantic movies.

—sung a solo.

—had a profession or had a job that required a degree.

—had fake nails.  Or eyelashes.  Or hair.  I wouldn’t know where to start with any of that.

—liked charades.

—thrown up during a pregnancy.  I went through five.

—minded when the kids pull out blankets and pillows and full-size mattresses and dress up clothes.  I love forts, make-shift houses, pretend camping, orphanage, all of it.

—waxed anything except one family’s bathroom floor back when I was a teenager and cleaned houses.

—wanted to be famous.  Are you kidding?
---or even wanted to meet someone famous.  I've read their stories, I certainly don't want to make small talk.

—been accused of being too fun.

—believed in diets.  Healthy tweaks, fine, but grapefruit and kale for a month? Dumb.  What happens when you go back?

—felt really good about heights or small spaces.
---forgiven myself for being so mean to a girl in elementary school.  Seriously mean.  I hate even having it as part of my history.  Likewise, I can't get over the way I behaved in jr. high or high school.  I would love a do-over, I would love to be 100% nice.

—liked babysitting.

—had really blond hair since I was a kid. Although I did get it pretty light with Sun-in between 9th and 10th grade.

—adequately thanked my parents for all they’ve done.  I’ve tried to get in touch with a few others over the years as well with little luck;  I just hope somehow I can pay it all forward.

—minded weeding or cleaning.  Or helping other people with their weeds and houses.
---bought my kids fast food just because we were at a soccer game and couldn't make it home for dinner.  For me, fast food is a treat, something they look forward to, not just because we left the house unprepared.  Way too cheap for nonsense like that.

—figured out why some people are deemed cool while others aren’t.

—minded snakes.  Or worms (except in my food and I certainly don't want to wrap it around a hook).

—regretted getting rid of something as much as I do the tapes Todd and I exchanged when he was in Norway for two years.
---not believed in miracles.  Every day is a miracle.  The fact that our bodies work harmoniously and so flawlessly, nature in all its glory, the animal world, the way people can survive such incredible odds and the way lives can change, miracles all around us every day.  Just watch a baby being born.  Look at the alignment of our earth and all the planets.  Think about how a plant makes its own food.  You'd never convince me otherwise.

—not finished the whole burrito at Cafe Rio.
---been good at taking criticism.

—checked into a hotel or rented a car by myself.

—served a mission.  One of my life’s top regrets.
---had my hair or makeup professionally styled.  Not for a prom, not even for my wedding.  The last thing in the world I would've thought about or wanted to spend money on.

—been to any other country except Mexico and Scotland.

—wanted to live in a big house.  This one is about as big as I’d feel comfortable in, and I still feel like we could double up a bit.  A waste of space and everyone’s separated when things get so spread out.  I like cozy.

—stayed up to watch an eclipse or Haley’s comet.  I have seen the Northern Lights and a shooting star though.
---understood why I love nature and the outdoors so much and other people don't.  I thought it was a given that everyone likes hiking and waterfalls and picnics.

—been any good at breakfast foods.  Todd does our family’s breakfast every day; I guess I just don’t get enough practice.
---read through all my journals completely.  I've got at least 30 something.  I've read snippets over the years but never sat down and read them all completely.  I can't think of anything more embarrassing.

—bought a song on iTunes.
---had a pizza delivered.

—looked at an ugly house without making it over in my mind.  Every house has potential.
---liked being cold.  I think I would choose to be too hot.  It makes me irritable to be cold.

—liked using the real mop.  It doesn’t get the corners.  It just works better on my hands and knees.

—made a BLT for my family until this past year.

—lit a firework.
---wanted to travel the world.  Or backpack through Europe.  Or see the Seven or Eight Wonders.  I'm good.  I love my bed. I love regular everyday food. And you know I'd hate to spend all that money.

—used crutches.
---looked back on my wedding colors with regret.  Navy and white with cranberry accents (i.e. flowers on the cake).  I loved it all so much then, I'd do it exactly the same even today.  I love that we never had bridesmaids and that our sisters just found navy church dresses.  That my mom's friends made yummy everyday food and that it was beautiful but casual.  So us.  Well, not the beautiful part.  The casual part.

—understood imaginary numbers or vectors.

—really cared for chocolate as an adult.  I like brownies and chocolate chip cookies and See’s of course but not anything like a plain Hershey’s bar or a mousse dessert. 

—watched Fiddler on the Roof all the way through.

—cared for shrimp.  I think it’s the texture.

—gotten over Todd’s winks.
---had Dish or whatever else there is.  It came with our apartment the first two years of our marriage, but I don't think we've ever ordered it or paid for it since.  We haven't had tv stations for eight years.

—broken a bone or been to the emergency room (except to take a friend).  So of course I’ve never had an xray (other than at the dentist/baby dr) until a couple weeks ago.

—felt safe using a pressure cooker.  So I don’t.

—owned a dock or an ipod or even an MP3 player.

—stopped at gas station or the drive-thru to buy myself a soda.  I can’t even imagine.

—gone a day without lipstick since 6th grade.  Not even camping.

—considered getting rid of our VCR.

—wanted a fancy car.  I don’t even know the names of any cars except the ones we own.  Definitely a zero to me.

—liked being in the spotlight.  Oddly enough though, I don’t mind giving talks.  Weird.

—been able to tolerate crudeness, not even in dumb kids’ movies, there’s just no reason for it.

—had sushi.  And I don’t plan on it.  Ever.

—gotten tired of walking.  I’ll walk for miles with you.

—liked those soft feathery pillows that puff up on each side of your head and then you’re still lying flat against the mattress.  Pointless.

—had a vehicle detailed.  It would last like half the afternoon is all.  What a waste.

—enjoyed a book as much when I was told to read it (like for book group or a class) as when I choose it myself. 

—stayed a single night all by myself.  I’ve always had a roommate, a sister, a mom, a husband or at least a baby with me.

—seen any Star Wars (except when I was forced to go to Empire Strikes Back when I was 12) or Star Trek or Andy Griffith or MASH or Friends or Seinfeld (it was on in the background once) or a million other main stream shows everyone else has watched.  I don’t know why, just not my thing.

—been as good at apologizing as Todd.  He rarely needs to though.  I know this is a weak area I need to work on.

—wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride.  I’ve ridden a tram with a glass bottom.  I’ve ridden ski lifts.  I HATE being that high in the air.  Nightmare.

—been on a sleeper train.  I always thought that was sort of an interesting arrangement.

—run more than maybe three miles at a time.  And that was only because I was with a guy I liked.  I’d never do that again.  I don’t care how cute he is.  Unless it was my 11 year old son.  He’s pretty cute and I even went on a high fast slide for him.  But running…

—had a desire to visit the Orient.  At all.

—understood people who don’t eat breakfast.  It’s one of the top 3 things on my mind in the morning because I’m famished.

—had consistently painted nails since maybe high school. I’ve also never painted them black.  I would secretly love to!

—stopped loving navy.  Even when it went out of style for 20 years.  It’s my favorite color in the world.

—taken my washing machine for granted.  Ever.  I love it more than most any other appliance in my house.

—found my name on a personalized mug or keychain in a souvenir shop.

—owned a cat.  Although I would love to. But I’m allergic.

—looked good in long hair.  Even though I love long hair on about 97% of girls/women I know.  Sad.  I’m doomed to shortish brown locks.  Like Ramona.

—set or emptied a mouse trap.  Or even looked at a full one except by accident.

—been able to pass up a book shop.

—eaten a donut in the last 5-10 years.  Although I did have a Danish at a get-together a year or two ago.  Delectable.

—held a bird.  Even a  helpless baby one.  I hate birds.

—given up on handwritten cards and letters.

—been impressed with arrogance or titles.

—gone to a high school reunion.  I doubt I ever will.

—driven to a destination more than 45 minutes away completely by myself.

—really liked Duran Duran or Michael Jackson even when it was all the rage at 6th grade camp.  I still don’t understand what Thriller is all about.
---had a migraine.

—caught a fish or gone hunting.

—tasted coffee or beer or wine.  But I love the coffee aisle smell and my mom’s mocha cookies were some of my favorites growing up.

—missed a day of high school.  Except to visit BYU for a day or two—I guess they counted that as a field trip.

—wanted to surf or water ski or wake board or paddle board or do any other water sport.  I’ve been on jet skis, sail boats, speed boats, catamaran, and the boob tube, I hated them all.  I’m fine to guard the treats on shore.

—spoken another language fluently.  Even though I took Spanish in jr. high, high school, and college.  I don’t want to talk about it.

—wanted to go to any other college but BYU, the only one I applied to.  It was a dream come true.

—liked sleeping on my stomach.

—been that great at details.  Maybe when I was an uptight kid/teen, but not since.  I’m the worst.

—worried about a dropped cookie or carrot or cracker or grape.  What’s a little dirt?

—enjoyed a season of my life more than the one I’m in.

—served my family cereal for dinner.  Except once as a treat.  They were ecstatic!

—gone on a cruise.  Or even wanted to.
---really liked slumber parties.  Even as a kid.  I went.  But they were always sort of out of my element.

—stopped being enamored by our house.  I still can’t believe it’s ours.  I know it’s not fancy to anyone else, but it is a dream come true to me.
---wanted a cabin in the woods.  What would happen is we'd open the door and a dead mouse would greet us.  I don't want the extra payment and work.  I'd rather just rent one now and then.
---or wanted a boat.  But we have one.  It's an issue we're divided on.  I can see his side.  Really.  I just don't think we need it.
---knitted.  Although Todd has.  The old ladies taught him in Norway, so he made me socks.   I've crocheted and cross stitched and did needle point back in the 70s.  Never did learn about macramé though.

—been bitten by an animal other than my hamster and a spider.

—found an author I like as much as Beverly Cleary.  And Stockard Channing is my favorite audio book person to listen to in the world (Rizo on Grease).
---liked rap music.  It reminds me of my childhood and scares me.

—watched an entire football game on Thanksgiving.

—figured out what I should be when I grow up or what my major was supposed to be.  Or what I’m supposed to do now.
---wanted to be president of anything.

—I was going to say I’ve never cried or laughed more than I have this past year.  Then I remember I went to high school once upon a time.

—met someone I couldn’t learn at least something from.  And I’ve never gotten to know someone without understanding him/her better.  Even if it’s still not pretty, I can at least see where s/he’s coming from.  And about 99% of the time I really like that person.  Just because we got to know each other.

—known love or frustration so powerful until I became a mom.  I’ve never felt so weak or so strong.  I guess I’ve just never experienced such a wide variety of emotions, such opposition, as I have in family life.

—felt more loved and accepted and cherished and complete than I do with Todd.

—not known that God is real and that Christ lives and loves me.  I’ve never doubted for a single second.

I have hesitated posting this because I know I haven’t exhausted the list.  There will always be more to write about!  But I wanted to at least make a start, to open my heart and life—with all its embarrassments—in hopes that you will create your own similar list.  I let some of my kids read it; I hope the others will eventually because I want them to realize I’m just a regular person, not just a mom.  Although I know you’re thinking, who is she kidding? She’s not anything like a regular person; in fact, she might be the weirdest person I’ve ever heard of….  I know, I see where you’re coming from.  But I’ve pretty much always been that way.  I wish my mom and dad and grandparents had written something like this though.  I can’t help but think it would’ve helped me know them better.  And so I encourage you to share some of your own with whoever you spend time with.  Start a conversation tonight over dinner.  Get a blank book and have everyone go around the table and write down their responses.  You’ll be glad you did.  Because I know from experience that I’ve never been sorry to have shared a funny or tender moment with someone I love.

For Cara :)