Christmas 2024
One of my favorite movies is The Magic of Ordinary Days, an apt title to encompass all that happens within the realm of everyday living. It’s been such a wonderful year, but the most memorable also happen to be the most ordinary of days.
I remember being in the Salt Lake airport this summer one Friday morning with my sister after riding the FrontRunner and waiting for her flight. Mine just kept getting bumped due to weather. After the third change, I had the idea to call my kids who lived nearby and just see what they were up to. They were going to the temple that night. Could I stay over and catch a morning flight? It was glorious serendipity! My sweet little daughter in law, who learned to drive only months before, came to get me, and the three of us sat in their little apartment living room and talked and talked. At some point I found some leftovers in the fridge. The temple was like being home, the weather was warm and summery. Afterwards we walked around the grounds barefoot, heels in my hands, experiencing concrete and grass like I’d done so often as a kid. We paraded in the fading light, the sun setting over the lake behind a watercolored backdrop. We drove to a quaint grocery store to get ice cream before heading home to watch Mama Mia 2, staying up late with our bowls of heaven. In a complete role reversal, I had my own little blow up bed and private bathroom, so tidy and comfy; I was the kid. I am so proud of these fledgling adults, so warmed by their hospitality. I know it’s such a simple memory, but it really does stand out as one of my best of the year.
Along with fencing with the boys. Callum drove a mini excavator to pull out stubborn old fencing wire and then to dig post holes, replacing nearly all of it with split rail, perfectly suited to our look. :) I only helped on the last day, but it was a system with Callum driving, and Todd, Mitchell and I scooping out dirt and aligning and pounding the posts, reminding me of the summer we did the whole front pasture and another when we painted all our siding, and another when we put in flower beds and moved rock and bark. Good old fashioned sweaty summertime work with lemonade and music. I have no idea if our kids love house projects as much as we do, but we just love having them with us. :)
I’m in love with our 70+ year old neighbors who text us to see if we want to play pickleball later that evening. It’s so cute, so inspiring, so fun. When our kids have been home, they’ve joined in, like we’re just hanging out and playing ball with grandparents. I love that these neighbors have had us over a few times for dinner and for pie in their darling house littered with antiques just like ours but way more stocked, that they’ve come over to eat with us, that we share a garden, that Todd made a special gate for her to come in and pick raspberries and weed her boxes and dig potatoes. I love that she’s also always listening to her audio book and tells me to wait while she stops it so we can talk—just like me. :) He’s our lawn mower repair guy, we water their plants, and we’re always trading treats and food. I wish everyone could have neighbors like them.
I knew as it was happening that it would stay in my memory forever. A friend and I took a road trip to see a mutual friend through the most brilliant scenery one October weekend. We did nothing. Just puzzled, ate out, talked and talked, tapped out at 9, walked, and slept in. But I especially loved our last night. We got Domino’s to take home, stopped to get Blizzards, and settled in to watch two of our favorite throw-back movies. When do grown women ever get to be so irresponsible and indulgent? It was one of the highlights of my year, being with these friends who are like sisters to me.
I also love the sleepovers I have with my friend who is like a second mom. We stay up late, puzzle, eat, watch shows, go for walks, garage sale, all the perfect things. I have my own special dark room, and it feels like I’m the kid again, taken care of and watched over.
Even though I know it’s weird, I loved sleeping over with Todd in the hospital, each in our little beds, maybe for the same reasons. We had such a pretty view, the leaves were changing, it rained. I felt nestled and cozy, free from our home work, an unforeseen time away together.
Our walks are our lifeline tethering us, and our saddest part about Todd’s knee surgery this fall was our walking hiatus. It was a glorious day when we could try out the backyard neighborhood again. And then he could go a mile. And now we’re back to taking our long, meandering walks through the hills and leaves, more appreciated than ever. It is truly our favorite pastime no matter what state or country we’re in; we just want to walk. Back in college that’s mostly all we did, miles and miles looking at houses and being outside, just talking and sharing life together; we realize that hasn’t changed much at all over the years and so to have that back feels miraculous and ordinary at the same time.
I love our roadtrips almost as much as our walks. I finally have him captive so he can listen to a podcast (his limit), we’re away from our busyness, it’s beautiful whether it’s spring and green, snowy and white, fall and orange; it’s all full of splendor, so much to see. And I can’t decide how I feel about flying. I love the airport, even our local one, because we get to hang out together. We spend most of our layovers walking. Of course. :) I love to get away from our to-do lists and projects and just have him with me. I get nervous when it’s bumpy and try to remember it’s the safest way to travel, but I love it when we get to sit by each other and hold hands and read and watch our shows on the seat backs while he sips a ginger ale or Coke. It doesn’t matter where we’re headed or how long it takes; I just love being with him.
But truly our favorite destination to fly to is Chicago. We love seeing Andrew and Ashlie and the girls… their cute home and their orderly life, always so enchanting to us. They are adorable parents and perfectly blend and balance the load as they both work full time (he’s a manufacturing engineer and she’s a recent Masters graduate in economics and works as a data analyst) and have a perfectly choreographed schedule, which fascinates us to no end. They are always into some kind of house painting/flooring/building a pantry project, and Andrew launched a new business selling belt grinders online. We could not be more proud of them and how they mange their family, and we could hug those girls and play with them on their couch forever. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, I just want to touch their soft hands and listen to their little laughs and cute words and share stories and old fashioned nursery rhymes with them. I love playing games with A and A after they’ve gone to bed and talking about regular life and dreams. I love the car rides, excursions of all kinds, and just walking. Being with them is a dream come true; and the moment we leave we’re trying to figure out when we can see them again. I’ve realized, as I’ve said before, it’s like seeing my own little kids who have been missing! I can juxtapose these little ones with the ones I was a mom to and it’s a glorious and mind-blowing reunion I can’t get enough of!
We haven’t done it yet, but our other favorite destination is going to be Georgia! Mitch and Andy sold most everything they owned and sent the rest south while they took their time sightseeing their way down. With hopes for additional education for Mitch at Georgia Tech next fall (he wants to get into project management), they followed the sun and warmth and their adventurous hearts. He’s also an engineer and works remotely making medical devices, and while she graduated in interior design this spring, it’s been a tough job market. Mitchell’s Spanish is coming along, and Andy’s English is amazing. They’ve been furnishing their home, refinishing furniture, playing D&D, exploring, and loving the lingering fall. Who knows how long they’ll stay, but it’s been a grand adventure so far. We miss them like crazy, just as we do A and A; we’re constantly looking at flights!
I think we’re a little different from others, but even though we talk about our kids all the time, we don’t talk to our kids daily. Or even weekly with some of them. They just all have their own things going on, people around, full schedules, independent spirits. We trust that they’re fine and that they’ll call when they feel like it. But it makes me giggle that they send us meal pictures. :) Out of the blue, two weeks since we last talked, I’ll get a picture of Mitchell’s dinner. Avery will send them too. And when we do FaceTime with Bronwyn each week, Avery and Callum will usually join in, each doing a puzzle (us), cooking (C), folding laundry (the girls), or sitting on the couch, just like hanging out together. Talking to our kids, late Sunday nights, randomly during the week, on these weekly p-days, is definitely a highlight of our life, as ordinary as it sounds.
As a side note, an understated highlight of everyday life that no one talks about much is clean sheets. Specifically when we switch to flannel in the fall. Our bed is our favorite place on earth, so soft and cocooning as we watch our decorating shows and read; sometimes when I have to get up early he’ll stay up and listen to music and read his magazines beside me as I drift off, hanging on to his arm or holding his hand. It’s been the family meeting place, the one where everyone reports on their lives and gets feedback from the others; it’s like that for you too, and we love it. I also know that Todd wholeheartedly agrees that flannel sheets mark the beginning of the holiday season and everything we love about fall and winter. Even our kids are brainwashed into thinking the -ber months are the best of the year, soup and bread, jeans and sweaters, holidays and traditions, snow and mountains; we’re suckers for it all! And it all starts with clean flannel sheets. :)
Another one of my favorite pastimes is picking raspberries in the early summer evenings with Todd. We’ve poured a lot of heart and soul and manure and compost into these beds, and we don’t want to miss a single berry; it’s so satisfying! But we also love digging up potatoes together, harvesting the pumpkins, onions, carrots, plums (we made a lot of fruit leather—delicious!), lettuces, kale, rhubarb, tomatoes, beans, squash, cabbage… it feels like a lot, but now that we’ve stepped away for a couple months, it seems dreamy. :) And a huge shout out to Todd’s family who came and helped so much with the harvest this year!
We also love, love, love the young people we get to hang out with at church and weekly activities, but our favorite is when they come over once a month for ice cream. We usually end up with a small group near the end sitting around the fire, huddled together on the couches just talking. There’s always a puzzle. And a huge pile of dishes. And boys running around. But we love these young people so very, very much. We’re regular, we’re older, we’re not cool. But we care a lot about them and we love to hear what they have going on in their heads and hearts. And cherish that they share it with us.
As much as we LOVE our time with young people within our family and with those who feel like family, we also love our time back together again as just Todd and Caren. :) We were just 18 when we met 34 years ago as BYU freshmen, eating all our meals together in the cafeteria, studying together, going on walks, quickly becoming best friends. Six years later we had baby Andrew and family life really began, and you know how that goes. But after raising five kids, we’ve come full circle and we’re back to just us. You also know how much of our hearts are wrapped up in our kids; there’s no one or anything we care more about, think about, or pray about than our kids. And yet, we are closer and happier than ever just the two of us. Our days and lives are full and fulfilling even as they are completely ordinary. We’ve now had our hobby farm for eight years and are still remodeling. :) We regularly raise cows, and we always have chickens, a dog or two, a stray cat or two, and bees. I’m not making excuses, just explaining why it always looks like we’re in the middle of a hot mess here; I always thought it was the kids, but it’s me. He’s always making something from wood; I’ve got my fabric splayed out. He whittles; I write. He plants; I weed. We both harvest; we both cook. He’s always got plans for the outside; I love to decorate and make people feel at home on the inside. We both get excited for garage and estate sales and are always finding good deals for a future rental property we have no idea about. ;) Callum is probably our most die-hard hunter, but Andita (little Andy’s nickname) is right there with us. We sometimes find ourselves home eating lunch just like Todd’s parents and we giggle. We are embracing the freedom wholeheartedly, but we long for the kids to come back and use our now guest rooms!
But it really does seem like they’re all launched. Back in the spring B told us she’d be fine going anywhere for a mission except the Mid-West speaking English and that her biggest fears were quick sand and tornadoes, so we were all surprised (and trying not to laugh) when she told us she was assigned to Oklahoma. But I think she has been dropped in her happy place. :) It’s pretty sad and hard watching a child walk off alone through security after long tearful hugs knowing we won’t see each other for a year and a half (or two years); and there isn’t much sadder than B and C hugging goodbye. But we’ve done it five times, and it’s way easier now that we get to talk every week. While admittedly it’s been different riding a bike all the time, talking to strangers, eating strange food, getting spit on, hearing tragic life stories, and facing unknowns, she is unfazed by sketchy neighborhoods and tornado warnings and is genuinely loving her mission and the super generous and warm people she’s been with; she is very smiley and happy and tired whenever she talks about the different culture and shares crazy stories and her latest crafts and thrifted finds. It’s already been six months, but we love that for now she has overalls, a gift from her best family there in Oklahoma, and that she’ll call us wearing them while fishing. I love those walks with Todd in the tree-lined, leaf blown downtown streets FaceTiming with her; they’re forever etched in my heart, their conversations reminding me of Todd fishing in Norway when he was her age. Crazy how we were pretty sure we’d be getting married back then, but we never looked far enough ahead to imagine he’d be talking to a daughter on her mission about fishing techniques.
I also love the very predictable and regular conversations we have with Avery about her life plans. :) Never one to aspire to motherhood, this past year has kind of rocked her world. While teaching infants and littles to swim, she was regularly thrown up on but could hardly express the depth of love she had for them; they became her obsession. And not only these kids, but those she taught art lessons to and now the 3 and 4 year old siblings she nannies for. I know she feels like she’s floundering, but to me it’s been a bold move to switch to UVU and decide to major in digital marketing while interning (planning and working events, sometimes up to 17 hour days!), nannying, and working for a sewing shop making dance costumes, teaching sewing lessons and running their social media. While she sees her life as a bit circuitous, to me it feels like she’s come full circle, back to her most authentic self: creating, crafting, using her imagination, nurturing, teaching, exploring. We tell her all the time that it’s all part of her education and are glad she’s making time for climbing, travel, painting, and sewing, all the things that make her feel alive and like herself!
I love so much that the kids have each other. Avery and Callum are both in Provo and regularly hang out in the same friend group. They give each other rides to the airport and when they’ve been towed or a car’s getting worked on, share food, help each other when they’re sick, and take road trips together. They all plan a sibling gift exchange, and I love it so so much when we all get to be together for major events or a little vacation or even just on FaceTime. I tell people all the time I thought teenagers were my favorite stage, but it’s young adults, hands down!
And it looks like we’re going to be keeping Callum here in with us the states for the foreseeable future. I know that his journey might seem a little out of the ordinary, but we’ve discovered that pilonidal cysts are super common. And while it’s kind of switched up his plans to serve in the Philippines as originally planned, he is truly in his happy place. Most of you know, but he was to leave last July for a 24 month mission, but even after four surgeries, wound vac, packing, drains, prayers, and a million doctor visits, he’s still not healing enough to return and will likely be having another surgery soon. We loved having him home for several month as he served in the community, and he was able to do several weeks of training in the Philippines, but this fall he returned to Provo to work at Great Harvest and the Escape Room when he’s not climbing, road-tripping, or attending jazz concerts, hoping it would heal enough to return to full-time mission life. But it looks like life is taking him in a new direction and he’s happily returning to full-time student status at BYU in January and working in an orthodontic office with plans for dental school. It doesn’t seem like such a small issue could have such a big impact on his life, but we have all been humbled as plans have continued to shift. I love the hours I’ve been able to spend in the surgery center with him, his funny purple surgery hat and nightgown, his cute waking up smile, making a little bed on our couch for him, our days together at home recovering. I’ll never wish away these precious times with him, all the months we were able to serve in the temple together (when have I or will I ever get to do that again with a child?), all the hours sorting clothes at the thrift store and working outside in parks, meal prepping together for Salvation Army with friends, wrapping gifts for troubled kids, weaving sleeping mats from plarn… as I look back on all the times I had with him all to myself, I’m so very, very grateful. We still have no idea why his mission experience has been so unusual, but I will forever remember our Taco Bell after-temple lunches. Our walks, just the three of us and Tug. The estate sales where he’d be enamored with the old house plans and contents. His massive and growing collection of classics, series, Newberry Award Winners, and just interesting books that have taken over his room, sorted and curated so carefully. I think of those summer garage sale days with his grandma Susan every time I go in his room full of books and treasures. I’m reminded of Sunday night games, family friends coming for dinner, him having groups of friends over constantly, late into the nights. Who gets to have their 20 year old son live with them for months on end on good terms? It was a chance of a lifetime, and I will hold on to those memories for the rest of my life. It felt like a problem, something wrong, a mistake. We kept wanting to fix it, to change it, to get past it. And while we may never know or understand, we just trust that it will all be fine. There has been so much good, so many amazing love stories, so much love and learning with God. We feel like it’s a waste of time to fret over things we can’t change, and so Callum has remained mostly upbeat and cheerful. There have been a few rough days, some loss of momentum, a lot of questions, temptation to give up… of course. But we are so very very grateful for the magic of ordinary days we’ve experienced alongside him as a family and with all of you, our loved ones.
We could go on; there are moments that sparkle all around us if we look at them from that angle. Every day is filled with magic just by being. As each one of us is. There is beauty in difference. In simplicity. In the unexpected. In the ordinary. There is beauty and good everywhere as we choose to look for it. So during this season of magic, let’s focus on the beauty of simply being. Together. Loving. Generous. Kind.
There is still so much to love in this world. I know there is hard, and we can feel alone and divided. But I choose to believe there is always more good. xoxo
All our love,
Todd and Caren
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