The Magic of Ordinary Days--Christmas 2024

Christmas 2024 

One of my favorite movies is The Magic of Ordinary Days, an apt title to encompass all that happens within the realm of everyday living. It’s been such a wonderful year, but the most memorable also happen to be the most ordinary of days.

I remember being in the Salt Lake airport this summer one Friday morning with my sister after riding the FrontRunner and waiting for her flight.  Mine just kept getting bumped due to weather.  After the third change, I had the idea to call my kids who lived nearby and just see what they were up to.  They were going to the temple that night.  Could I stay over and catch a morning flight? It was glorious serendipity! My sweet little daughter in law, who learned to drive only months before, came to get me, and the three of us sat in their little apartment living room and talked and talked. At some point I found some leftovers in the fridge.  The temple was like being home, the weather was warm and summery. Afterwards we walked around the grounds barefoot, heels in my hands, experiencing concrete and grass like I’d done so often as a kid.  We paraded in the fading light, the sun setting over the lake behind a watercolored backdrop.  We drove to a quaint grocery store to get ice cream before heading home to watch Mama Mia 2, staying up late with our bowls of heaven.  In a complete role reversal, I had my own little blow up bed and private bathroom, so tidy and comfy; I was the kid. I am so proud of these fledgling adults, so warmed by their hospitality.  I know it’s such a simple memory, but it really does stand out as one of my best of the year.

Along with fencing with the boys. Callum drove a mini excavator to pull out stubborn old fencing wire and then to dig post holes, replacing nearly all of it with split rail, perfectly suited to our look. :) I only helped on the last day, but it was a system with Callum driving, and Todd, Mitchell and I scooping out dirt and aligning and pounding the posts, reminding me of the summer we did the whole front pasture and another when we painted all our siding, and another when we put in flower beds and moved rock and bark.  Good old fashioned sweaty summertime work with lemonade and music. I have no idea if our kids love house projects as much as we do, but we just love having them with us. :)

I’m in love with our 70+ year old neighbors who text us to see if we want to play pickleball later that evening.  It’s so cute, so inspiring, so fun.  When our kids have been home, they’ve joined in, like we’re just hanging out and playing ball with grandparents.  I love that these neighbors have had us over a few times for dinner and for pie in their darling house littered with antiques just like ours but way more stocked, that they’ve come over to eat with us, that we share a garden, that Todd made a special gate for her to come in and pick raspberries and weed her boxes and dig potatoes.  I love that she’s also always listening to her audio book and tells me to wait while she stops it so we can talk—just like me. :) He’s our lawn mower repair guy, we water their plants, and we’re always trading treats and food. I wish everyone could have neighbors like them.

I knew as it was happening that it would stay in my memory forever. A friend and I took a road trip to see a mutual friend through the most brilliant scenery one October weekend.  We did nothing.  Just puzzled, ate out, talked and talked, tapped out at 9, walked, and slept in.  But I especially loved our last night. We got Domino’s to take home, stopped to get Blizzards, and settled in to watch  two of our favorite throw-back movies.  When do grown women ever get to be so irresponsible and indulgent? It was one of the highlights of my year, being with these friends who are like sisters to me.

I also love the sleepovers I have with my friend who is like a second mom.  We stay up late, puzzle, eat, watch shows, go for walks, garage sale, all the perfect things. I have my own special dark room, and it feels like I’m the kid again, taken care of and watched over.

Even though I know it’s weird, I loved sleeping over with Todd in the hospital, each in our little beds, maybe for the same reasons. We had such a pretty view, the leaves were changing, it rained. I felt nestled and cozy, free from our home work, an unforeseen time away together. 

Our walks are our lifeline tethering us, and our saddest part about Todd’s knee surgery this fall was our walking hiatus.  It was a glorious day when we could try out the backyard neighborhood again.  And then he could go a mile.  And now we’re back to taking our long, meandering walks through the hills and leaves, more appreciated than ever. It is truly our favorite pastime no matter what state or country we’re in; we just want to walk.  Back in college that’s mostly all we did, miles and miles looking at houses and being outside, just talking and sharing life together; we realize that hasn’t changed much at all over the years and so to have that back feels miraculous and ordinary at the same time.

I love our roadtrips almost as much as our walks. I finally have him captive so he can listen to a podcast (his limit), we’re away from our busyness, it’s beautiful whether it’s spring and green, snowy and white, fall and orange; it’s all full of splendor, so much to see. And I can’t decide how I feel about flying. I love the airport, even our local one, because we get to hang out together. We spend most of our layovers walking. Of course. :) I love to get away from our to-do lists and projects and just have him with me.  I get nervous when it’s bumpy and try to remember it’s the safest way to travel, but I love it when we get to sit by each other and hold hands and read and watch our shows on the seat backs while he sips a ginger ale or Coke.  It doesn’t matter where we’re headed or how long it takes; I just love being with him.

But truly our favorite destination to fly to is Chicago.  We love seeing Andrew and Ashlie and the girls… their cute home and their orderly life, always so enchanting to us.  They are adorable parents and perfectly blend and balance the load as they both work full time (he’s a manufacturing engineer and she’s a recent Masters graduate in economics and works as a data analyst) and have a perfectly choreographed schedule, which fascinates us to no end. They are always into some kind of house painting/flooring/building a pantry project, and Andrew launched a new business selling belt grinders online. We could not be more proud of them and how they mange their family, and we could hug those girls and play with them on their couch forever.  It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, I just want to touch their soft hands and listen to their little laughs and cute words and share stories and old fashioned nursery rhymes with them. I love playing games with A and A after they’ve gone to bed and talking about regular life and dreams. I love the car rides, excursions of all kinds, and just walking. Being with them is a dream come true; and the moment we leave we’re trying to figure out when we can see them again. I’ve realized, as I’ve said before, it’s like seeing my own little kids who have been missing! I can juxtapose these little ones with the ones I was a mom to and it’s a glorious and mind-blowing reunion I can’t get enough of!

We haven’t done it yet, but our other favorite destination is going to be Georgia! Mitch and Andy sold most everything they owned and sent the rest south while they took their time sightseeing their way down.  With hopes for additional education for Mitch at Georgia Tech next fall (he wants to get into project management), they followed the sun and warmth and their adventurous hearts.  He’s also an engineer and works remotely making medical devices, and while she graduated in interior design this spring, it’s been a tough job market.  Mitchell’s Spanish is coming along, and Andy’s English is amazing. They’ve been furnishing their home, refinishing furniture, playing D&D, exploring, and loving the lingering fall. Who knows how long they’ll stay, but it’s been a grand adventure so far. We miss them like crazy, just as we do A and A; we’re constantly looking at flights!

I think we’re a little different from others, but even though we talk about our kids all the time, we don’t talk to our kids daily.  Or even weekly with some of them.  They just all have their own things going on, people around, full schedules, independent spirits. We trust that they’re fine and that they’ll call when they feel like it.  But it makes me giggle that they send us meal pictures. :) Out of the blue, two weeks since we last talked, I’ll get a picture of Mitchell’s dinner.  Avery will send them too.  And when we do FaceTime with Bronwyn each week, Avery and Callum will usually join in, each doing a puzzle (us), cooking (C), folding laundry (the girls), or sitting on the couch, just like hanging out together. Talking to our kids, late Sunday nights, randomly during the week, on these weekly p-days, is definitely a highlight of our life, as ordinary as it sounds.

As a side note, an understated highlight of everyday life that no one talks about much is clean sheets.  Specifically when we switch to flannel in the fall.  Our bed is our favorite place on earth, so soft and cocooning as we watch our decorating shows and read; sometimes when I have to get up early he’ll stay up and listen to music and read his magazines beside me as I drift off, hanging on to his arm or holding his hand. It’s been the family meeting place, the one where everyone reports on their lives and gets feedback from the others; it’s like that for you too, and we love it. I also know that Todd wholeheartedly agrees that flannel sheets mark the beginning of the holiday season and everything we love about fall and winter.  Even our kids are brainwashed into thinking the -ber months are the best of the year, soup and bread, jeans and sweaters, holidays and traditions, snow and mountains; we’re suckers for it all! And it all starts with clean flannel sheets. :)

Another one of my favorite pastimes is picking raspberries in the early summer evenings with Todd. We’ve poured a lot of heart and soul and manure and compost into these beds, and we don’t want to miss a single berry; it’s so satisfying! But we also love digging up potatoes together, harvesting the pumpkins, onions, carrots, plums (we made a lot of fruit leather—delicious!), lettuces, kale, rhubarb, tomatoes, beans, squash, cabbage… it feels like a lot, but now that we’ve stepped away for a couple months, it seems dreamy. :) And a huge shout out to Todd’s family who came and helped so much with the harvest this year! 

We also love, love, love the young people we get to hang out with at church and weekly activities, but our favorite is when they come over once a month for ice cream. We usually end up with a small group near the end sitting around the fire, huddled together on the couches just talking. There’s always a puzzle.  And a huge pile of dishes. And boys running around. But we love these young people so very, very much. We’re regular, we’re older, we’re not cool.  But we care a lot about them and we love to hear what they have going on in their heads and hearts. And cherish that they share it with us.

As much as we LOVE our time with young people within our family and with those who feel like family, we also love our time back together again as just Todd and Caren. :) We were just 18 when we met 34 years ago as BYU freshmen, eating all our meals together in the cafeteria, studying together, going on walks, quickly becoming best friends. Six years later we had baby Andrew and family life really began, and you know how that goes.  But after raising five kids, we’ve come full circle and we’re back to just us.  You also know how much of our hearts are wrapped up in our kids; there’s no one or anything we care more about, think about, or pray about than our kids. And yet, we are closer and happier than ever just the two of us.  Our days and lives are full and fulfilling even as they are completely ordinary.  We’ve now had our hobby farm for eight years and are still remodeling. :) We regularly raise cows, and we always have chickens, a dog or two, a stray cat or two, and bees. I’m not making excuses, just explaining why it always looks like we’re in the middle of a hot mess here; I always thought it was the kids, but it’s me.  He’s always making something from wood; I’ve got my fabric splayed out.  He whittles; I write.  He plants; I weed. We both harvest; we both cook. He’s always got plans for the outside; I love to decorate and make people feel at home on the inside. We both get excited for garage and estate sales and are always finding good deals for a future rental property we have no idea about. ;) Callum is probably our most die-hard hunter, but Andita (little Andy’s nickname) is right there with us.  We sometimes find ourselves home eating lunch just like Todd’s parents and we giggle.  We are embracing the freedom wholeheartedly, but we long for the kids to come back and use our now guest rooms! 

But it really does seem like they’re all launched.  Back in the spring B told us she’d be fine going anywhere for a mission except the Mid-West speaking English and that her biggest fears were quick sand and tornadoes, so we were all surprised (and trying not to laugh) when she told us she was assigned to Oklahoma. But I think she has been dropped in her happy place. :) It’s pretty sad and hard watching a child walk off alone through security after long tearful hugs knowing we won’t see each other for a year and a half (or two years); and there isn’t much sadder than B and C hugging goodbye.  But we’ve done it five times, and it’s way easier now that we get to talk every week.  While admittedly it’s been different riding a bike all the time, talking to strangers, eating strange food, getting spit on, hearing tragic life stories, and facing unknowns, she is unfazed by sketchy neighborhoods and tornado warnings and is genuinely loving her mission and the super generous and warm people she’s been with; she is very smiley and happy and tired whenever she  talks about the different culture and shares crazy stories and her latest crafts and thrifted finds. It’s already been six months, but we love that for now she has overalls, a gift from her best family there in Oklahoma, and that she’ll call us wearing them while fishing. I love those walks with Todd in the tree-lined, leaf blown downtown streets FaceTiming with her; they’re forever etched in my heart, their conversations reminding me of Todd fishing in Norway when he was her age.  Crazy how we were pretty sure we’d be getting married back then, but we never looked far enough ahead to imagine he’d be talking to a daughter on her mission about fishing techniques. 

I also love the very predictable and regular conversations we have with Avery about her life plans. :) Never one to aspire to motherhood, this past year has kind of rocked her world.  While teaching infants and littles to swim, she was regularly thrown up on but could hardly express the depth of love she had for them; they became her obsession.  And not only these kids, but those she taught art lessons to and now the 3 and 4 year old siblings she nannies for. I know she feels like she’s floundering, but to me it’s been a bold move to switch to UVU and decide to major in digital marketing while interning (planning and working events, sometimes up to 17 hour days!), nannying, and working for a sewing shop making dance costumes, teaching sewing lessons and running their social media.  While she sees her life as a bit circuitous, to me it feels like she’s come full circle, back to her most authentic self: creating, crafting, using her imagination, nurturing, teaching, exploring. We tell her all the time that it’s all part of her education and are glad she’s making time for climbing, travel, painting, and sewing, all the things that make her feel alive and like herself!

I love so much that the kids have each other.  Avery and Callum are both in Provo and regularly hang out in the same friend group.  They give each other rides to the airport and when they’ve been towed or a car’s getting worked on, share food, help each other when they’re sick, and take road trips together.  They all plan a sibling gift exchange, and I love it so so much when we all get to be together for major events or a little vacation or even just on FaceTime. I tell people all the time I thought teenagers were my favorite stage, but it’s young adults, hands down!

And it looks like we’re going to be keeping Callum here in with us the states for the foreseeable future. I know that his journey might seem a little out of the ordinary, but we’ve discovered that pilonidal cysts are super common. And while it’s kind of switched up his plans to serve in the Philippines as originally planned, he is truly in his happy place.  Most of you know, but he was to leave last July for a 24 month mission, but even after four surgeries, wound vac, packing, drains, prayers, and a million doctor visits, he’s still not healing enough to return and will likely be having another surgery soon.  We loved having him home for several month as he served in the community, and he was able to do several weeks of training in the Philippines, but this fall he returned to Provo to work at Great Harvest and the Escape Room when he’s not climbing, road-tripping, or attending jazz concerts, hoping it would heal enough to return to full-time mission life.  But it looks like life is taking him in a new direction and he’s happily returning to full-time student status at BYU in January and working in an orthodontic office with plans for dental school. It doesn’t seem like such a small issue could have such a big impact on his life, but we have all been humbled as plans have continued to shift. I love the hours I’ve been able to spend in the surgery center with him, his funny purple surgery hat and nightgown, his cute waking up smile, making a little bed on our couch for him, our days together at home recovering. I’ll never wish away these precious times with him, all the months we were able to serve in the temple together (when have I or will I ever get to do that again with a child?), all the hours sorting clothes at the thrift store and working outside in parks, meal prepping together for Salvation Army with friends, wrapping gifts for troubled kids, weaving sleeping mats from plarn… as I look back on all the times I had with him all to myself, I’m so very, very grateful.  We still have no idea why his mission experience has been so unusual, but I will forever remember our Taco Bell after-temple lunches.  Our walks, just the three of us and Tug.  The estate sales where he’d be enamored with the old house plans and contents.  His massive and growing collection of classics, series, Newberry Award Winners, and just interesting books that have taken over his room, sorted and curated so carefully.  I think of those summer garage sale days with his grandma Susan every time I go in his room full of books and treasures.  I’m reminded of Sunday night games, family friends coming for dinner, him having groups of friends over constantly, late into the nights. Who gets to have their 20 year old son live with them for months on end on good terms? It was a chance of a lifetime, and I will hold on to those memories for the rest of my life. It felt like a problem, something wrong, a mistake. We kept wanting to fix it, to change it, to get past it. And while we may never know or understand, we just trust that it will all be fine.  There has been so much good, so many amazing love stories, so much love and learning with God.  We feel like it’s a waste of time to fret over things we can’t change, and so Callum has remained mostly upbeat and cheerful.  There have been a few rough days, some loss of momentum, a lot of questions, temptation to give up… of course.  But we are so very very grateful for the magic of ordinary days we’ve experienced alongside him as a family and with all of you, our loved ones.

We could go on; there are moments that sparkle all around us if we look at them from that angle.  Every day is filled with magic just by being.  As each one of us is.  There is beauty in difference. In simplicity. In the unexpected.  In the ordinary. There is beauty and good everywhere as we choose to look for it. So during this season of magic, let’s focus on the beauty of simply being.  Together.  Loving.  Generous.  Kind.  

There is still so much to love in this world.  I know there is hard, and we can feel alone and divided.  But I choose to believe there is always more good. xoxo

All our love,

Todd and Caren

Cabin story

This is what we've put in our welcome binder at the cabin. :)

Welcome to Arcadian Refuge!  We really are so glad you’re here; we hope you enjoy your few days in this beautiful part of the West and that it feels restful and restorative for you and your loved ones.  We love it here too, being away from our busy lives and being among the trees and woodland sounds and smells.  There’s something to love in each season of course, but I think winter is our favorite because it’s so quiet and peaceful here. 

Some of you might be new to the area or curious about our cabin, and so we just wanted to share a little of our history with you and how it all came together in case you’re interested.

Todd grew up in Chicago, and I’m from San Diego. We met when we were 18 as freshmen at BYU, and a natural friendship ensued.  We lived apart for two and a half years, but we eventually married in 1994 soon after he returned from a two-year stint in Norway, finished up our degrees (in public health and animal science), had our first baby and two weeks later drove to Champaign, Illinois, for vet school, where we lived for four years.  We moved to Montana in 2000 (just because he was always drawn to the mystique of Montana and fly fishing, maybe a little River Runs Through It dreaming) and raised our five children there.  We live on a four-acre hobby farm, Todd is still a small animal vet, and all our children are grown and gone; but we have plenty to do with fencing, tending to our large gardens, volunteer work, and raising cows, chickens, and dogs.  Todd spends most of fall hunting deer, elk, and pheasant (with the dogs).  Our entire marriage has included remodeling our homes and yards, and we’ve been working on our current 1984 house for the past seven years.  We love nature, national parks, camping, long walks, history, fall, road trips, and of course spending time with friends and family.  We constantly have projects going, always with another one in mind!

So a few years back Todd decided to sell his portion of the vet clinic and cut down on managerial duties a bit (he’s still an associate vet), but he kept going back to the idea of a cabin to share both with family and with guests.  So he’d spend evenings looking online and kept coming back to this one.  I am used to looking beyond the current state of things and visualizing potential (we watch a LOT of HGTV), and so even though I thought it was very ugly, I  agreed we should look at it in person just to see.  One snowy day in December 2021 we made the trek to Island Park and saw several cabins with our realtor, but we were so discouraged because while some were nice and new, they lacked character and warmth; others felt disjointed and unfriendly.  This was the last one on our list, and I was equally discouraged because it was sooooo old fashioned and not at all move-in ready.  And yet, despite its age and state, it felt welcoming and cozy, homey somehow.

But we had to decide quickly: they had another showing that afternoon, and it had been on the market for several months already.  We knew from seeing it online and then in person that, as odd as it seemed, it just felt right.  Which was a very, very strange answer because we could tell it needed a lot of help; but we’d experienced the same feeling upon seeing our current house the first time.  In both cases we went out to the driveway and asked ourselves what we wanted to do and just shrugged, let’s do it. We called and put an offer within minutes of leaving it, somehow feeling pulled to it, not knowing what we were doing or getting into; oddly though, it just felt good… peaceful somehow.

At this point we posed a question to Todd’s brother who used to be a general contractor but who has a full time job and lives hours away also.  Would he take on this project with us?  After some consideration, he graciously agreed.  He had no idea what would be in store, but his wife worked on the plans alongside him, and they made an amazing team that we are deeply indebted to and grateful for.  We told him we just had a few ideas to kind of update the place…

We felt that with new carpet and some paint we could make it look and feel a little fresher.  The windows were boarded up at the time, it had a little airlock entrance off the rickety front porch, there was a long skinny hallway upstairs connecting the bedrooms, the basement was cement and completely unfinished, and to access it you had to go outside into the then-two-car garage and go down the cement stairs. Todd wanted to add a couple of dormers to incorporate interest and light to the roofline, and so our goal was to remove flooring and create those.  We didn’t like the claustrophobic hallway upstairs, so we opted to open up the two smaller bedrooms and create a large open general area instead.  We hoped to add an indoor access to the basement and utilize the space down there as well.  I also wondered if we could move the kitchen to the back of the front area and make the living area a little bigger.  I was thrilled when we discovered we’d be able to, and we eagerly set out to make these few cosmetic changes.  But when we came to see it for the first time after our initial walk through, I was disheartened.  They’d left everything—so much stuff—in the garage and the basement for us.  So we had to spend hours going through all of it, throwing out almost all of it. We kept a few interesting items that we incorporated into the new cabin, like the square nails you’ll see now and then.

Most of the time we would leave early on a Thursday or Saturday morning, drive 4-5 hours (depending on if we were pulling a trailer), get to the cabin around 9, work till dinner time and get home around 10:30 p.m. Often members of our extended family would meet us and help us out, and those are some of our fondest memories!  We tore up carpet, chipped out tile, took insulation out of the walls, and removed appliances, mirrors, toilets, and faucets; everything had to go.  These were frigid days working in a building that felt like an ice box; most of the time it was a little warmer outside than in.  But we played our music, worked side by side with cousins, friends, grandparents, and siblings, and oohed and ahhed over the strange findings everywhere we looked. In the warmer months we spent hours taking nails out of boards, enjoying the beautiful surroundings and company.  We had picnics on boxes inside when it was snowy and on leftover bits of furniture when it was warm outside.

But as we tore into the structure, we became aware of unforeseen issues that caused us to dig deeper and deeper.  One of the biggest problems was that the ridge beam was only a 2x10.  We had our structural engineer come in to inspect it and he told us the roof was completely under-engineered.  We went through our options, but it came down to needing to replace the roof.  Then we discovered that the top floor had load-bearing walls that weren’t engineered properly either, and the floor joists were cracking. 

We had plans drawn to maximize the use of space on the second floor since we were essentially starting all over, which allowed us to both raise the roof and push the walls out, adding substantial square footage to the upstairs areas.  But as we continued, everything seemed to lead to a new problem.  The windows were old and we could tell they’d seen better days and were very inefficient.  The chimney became unstable, so we dismantled that.  We pried the half-log siding off the exterior walls hoping to use it all later,  but the remaining walls were only 2x4 thick (which make it difficult to keep a structure warm in these brutal winters) and became unsteady, so we made the decision to take them all down.  All that remained of the original structure was the cement foundation and the three kitchen walls.  

It was hard to stay positive at this point.  We’d bought an entire, intact cabin and this was all we had left.  I wanted to cry many times, it felt so overwhelming and like we’d just created the biggest mess and mistake of our lives.  It was hard to get workers because it’s so remote and we were still feeling the effects of Covid.  Everything was extremely expensive; it was winter, then summer, then getting into fall and nothing had been done to move forward.  Finally in December of 2022, after spending all year tearing it down, but with no progress putting it back together, we had a miracle.  I mentioned to my Facebook friends that we were feeling discouraged and didn’t know how to find workers.  A friend I rarely see or talk to reached out and said  her brother-in-law worked in the area and he had a crew he was going to have to lay off for the winter due to lack of work.  They would happily take it on.  It was truly an answer, and we were so thankful for their dedicated efforts through one of the coldest and snowiest winters in years.

Things slowly started coming together.  It just felt so good to see the skeleton created, to be putting things back instead of just taking it all apart.  There were glitches all along the way, of course.  We realized we needed to get an entirely new septic system, and we needed a whole new fireplace insert along with the rock work, for instance.  There wasn’t anything that didn’t need attention. 

But we kept busy at home at this time. Because we live in Montana and don’t have sales tax, we opted to buy as much as we could there and then take it down ourselves.  We met with our flooring specialist to choose hardwood for the main level and laminate for the basement.  We wanted the top floor to feel like grandma’s attic, so we repurposed pine and had it painted.  We had our niece hand white wash ALL the boards for all the ceilings in the entire cabin, can you even imagine!? We are so grateful to her! We chose tile for the showers and tubs, floors, and backsplashes but had no idea how any of it would really look when altogether; I was in constant communication with our flooring guys and I was in the storeroom weekly. 

We ordered doors and windows in Montana… all the exterior and interior doors for rooms and closets.  Look around and note how many there are! We brought them all down in a covered trailer on one trip and had them painted here.

We brought down boxes and boxes and carton upon carton of flooring from Montana… all the tile for the kitchen, mud room, bathroom floors and all the tile for the walls. We unloaded it all box by box, thousands of pounds. Then we brought back all the unused mortar, leftover boxes of tile and flooring, etc., a constant pick up and return cycle between Montana and Idaho.  We’d also take home trailer beds full of wood, leftover from projects, the siding we took down, stuff that was just left here.  We’d get home late at night and unload it all into our shop for future projects.  Some of which, in fact, Todd used to make a floor in one of the bedrooms at home.

We ordered and brought all our appliances, toilets and sinks and faucets and hardware from Montana.  We ordered door knobs because we couldn’t find what we wanted in stores and had hooks handcrafted because we just wanted them to feel unique and like us.

We brought artwork home from trips to Maine and Vermont and from Switzerland. Our daughter did the watercolors. We tried to support local artists everywhere we went, wanting a curated look that felt eclectic and meaningful, yet hopefully cohesive and homey. We bought most other art pieces from Etsy for the same reasons. I shopped Hobby Lobby sales like a fan club member; I was there sometimes three times a week, especially during this last December, buying frames and floral decorations on sale, at the same time I was trying to do Christmas everything.

We are thrifters by nature and have been collecting from antique and junk stores, along with estate and garage sales for decades.  Our own house is full, and so while we kept finding great deals we couldn’t pass up, it wasn’t until we bought this property that we had any idea what we’d do with it all.  We’d just always find things we liked and figured we’d decide about them later.  This turned out to be perfect landing place for some of them.

We started buying other items years ago, storing everything we could in our horse stalls in our shop.  We bought silverware and dishes when I found ones I loved.  We bought hutches and dressers anytime we found a good deal at an estate sale, not knowing where exactly anything would go. I didn’t really have a plan at all; I just bought things I liked and figured we’d put it all together down the road.  I bought wreaths and art and just anything that seemed like it might work. At some point we’d notice one room didn’t have a dresser or we needed bathroom mirrors for another, one wall was a little bare, we needed a little something there, and we’d make lists of what we still needed. I have been collecting books and games the entire time, always trying to envision a 5 year-old putting together a Star Wars puzzle, a 10 year-old girl curled up with a chapter book, cousins in pajamas playing cards late into the night, a grandpa with a historical thriller book, a mom taking a moment with a Magnolia magazine, I wanted everyone to have something and I’m constantly thinking of you when I’m at my garage sales. :)

One funny experience was when we bought couches for the main floor.  This wasn’t too long after Covid, and we’d had friends who had had to wait months and months for their furniture, so we ordered them several months before we anticipated needing them.  They came two weeks later.  So, for many, many months they sat in the room right beside our kitchen table in their boxes piled on top of each other.  We couldn’t store them in the shop because mice would get into them, so there they sat, right next to where we ate everyday.  I had to climb on them to open the windows.

So as we collected furniture, rugs, kitchen necessities, toilet paper, cleaners, towels, bedding, etc. we’d just pile it all up until the next trip, sometimes right in our living room because there was no other place; at the beginning some of our kids were still living with us.  We had everything delivered to Montana, including all the windows, the pool table, beds, mattresses (count how many there are!), curtains, etc.  We did do a huge IKEA run when we were visiting our kids in Chicago and filled our entire truck and boat with duvets, curtains, cutting boards, etc., and that was a 17 hour drive home.  It rained SO much on that trip that several items became moldy, some of which came clean; others had to be tossed and bought again. We stored them in our basement bathtub for months!

Todd does woodworking, and so he made the bathroom mirror frames that are rough-looking.  We bought the mirrors at Good Will and garage sales, and he cut them to size.  We just couldn’t find what we were looking for, and he has tons of wood, so it worked out!  He also made the puzzle table and bench behind the couch on the main level, and he and his brother made the one under the skis, both of which also sat in our house for several weeks/months waiting for a ride down.  We spent one weekend making the woodshed.  Todd is meticulous, and even he conceded that he may have over-engineered it, but it will be convenient to have wood for the fireplace so close.

We made SO many mistakes along the way.  I bought shower curtains that looked all wrong when I got them hung up.  I bought bar stools right at the beginning and stored them in the shop for months, but then we got them all set up, they looked horrible with the hardwood and kitchen tile; they were a gray green wood (throw up) color. I carted them back to Montana and tried them in our house.  Same bad vibe.  So we had to sell them at a huge loss and get new ones.  We took down couches that we thought would look right and took them home. We had the tilers put in one or two of the showers with tile we’d chosen, but the sample piece looked very different from the varieties in the box.  Installed, it looked like the walls of an old community swimming pool dressing area, with yellow rust streaks running down the walls.  While we hated to, we asked them to tear it all out and we chose another tile, not quite as rustic. We had lumber that sat and got warped with the weather that had to go. Like I said, we had no idea what we were doing, we’re not professionals, we just kind of tried to buy things that were good quality that we felt went together, but like I said earlier, it was hard to remember what things looked like when they were in boxes in the shop from months earlier and to visualize what colors would look good together from hundreds of miles away.

We love all the rustic woodwork and the beams.  We wanted it to feel old and new at the same time, and we wanted things to also kind of blend away.  It took a long time to do all of that woodwork, but we so appreciate the finish carpenter’s hard work.  We had a little extra hole on the top floor where the tv is between the two beds, and he just made a little book shelf for us without us even knowing, which we love!  And he also created the tiny closet in that room where the fire extinguisher is, so clever; such talent!  We’re so incredibly grateful to him and all the others who have worked tirelessly with us over the years, using their talents and abilities on this project.

Lastly, some have asked how we chose our name.  We brainstormed so many options with our kids! I wanted something unique, not traditionally cabin-esque, but that captured the essence of the experience we hoped to create for you.  I found this sign years ago regarding an old way-station/boarding house and felt that it encapsulated our desired mission:

Refuge: And it shall be for a house for boarding, a house that strangers may come from afar to lodge therein; therefore let it be a good house, worthy of all acceptation, that the weary traveler may find health and safety while he shall contemplate the word of the Lord.  (I know that last part is a little churchy, I’m sorry, it was just part of the original quote so I left it.  Maybe just leave it at contemplate… whatever you want!)

And then I stumbled upon the word and idea, Arcadian.  I know it’s usually to depict a specific place, but I started looking into it and found other definitions that resonated with me, that I felt shared the spirit of what we hope you’ll find here.

Arcadian: idyllically innocent, simple, untroubled, any real or imagined place offering peace and contentment, pleasant, provincial, rustic, countrified, a person who lives a simple quiet life, calm, serene, restful, still, tranquil, placid

Our overall objective was and is to help all who visit feel at home.  We want you all to feel comfortable, to have what you need, to feel like you can relax and not worry about things. It’s still a work in progress.  We have so many fun ideas we want to incorporate, but goodness, it takes a lot of time when we are far away novices!  But we really are so happy that you’re here, and we truly hope you are enjoying your loved ones and time away. 

xoxo Much love, Todd and Caren

Just friends

My dear friend and I have a weekly walk/lunch/movie date; we just saunter around the neighborhood for a bit, make sandwiches, and plop ourselves in front of tv for a couple hours on top of whatever we do together as couples on the weekends.  We both have plenty to keep us busy, but we just decided to make this our time to see each other.  When we had our little kids we would meet at the mall at 6 and walk.  For years.  But then she went to work, and we had less time together.  Now that she’s retired, it’s been so fun to enjoy our flexibility and to take a little break right in the middle of our lives. We each have our lists of movies that we think would be fun to watch together.  We have similar tastes for the most part, and I’ve loved everything we’ve watched together.  So yesterday it was her turn to pick; she told me the ones she’d sifted through with a little description of each of them, and she mentioned that she made sure none of them was rated R.  I sighed out loud, awwww. :)  I couldn’t believe she would be that sensitive and thoughtful.  And to be honest, I’m not completely sure what I think about our American rating system, but I told her as a youth leader, I just never want the kids to see me doing something their parents wouldn’t want them to do.  I was so very touched by her kindness, truly.  That was the sweetest gesture.

But I’m not sure I do the same for her or other friends and relatives who see life a little differently than I do.  I want to be that same kind of thoughtful friend she is to me; all I can say is I’m trying.

I’ve been asked how we maintain friendships with people who have left the church.  And while I have ideas, I also have no idea what the real answer is. I’m not sure I’m getting any of it right.  But I can tell you that my sister and my best friend are the dream.  They are so supportive, so loving, and so accepting.  They attend religious milestones for members of our family.  They ask about our church activities and mutual friends.  They know what we believe in, and they show so much respect as they make the effort to strengthen our relationships.

I hope they feel comfortable with us as well.  We have the house and cabin stocked with coffee/tea.  We have a coffee pot and tea kettle.  We ask about new tattoos.  We go to their churches.  We drink our soda and water alongside their drinks.  We don’t care one bit about any of it.  Because we care so very, very much about them.

I often feel as if I’m riding my huge yoga ball, trying to stay true to what I believe and learn more while at the same time acknowledging and embracing my friends’ various thoughts, hurts, and beliefs.  I feel so strongly about my Savior and his teachings; he means everything to me and I want to talk about him all the time; I feel it’s so important to share that.  But I also want my friends to know that just because that’s my vision and paradigm, I absolutely get it that not everyone feels the same or anywhere close.  I think everyone has a complicated belief system actually.  My friends who have left are all over the place.  Some don’t believe in God anymore while others still believe in Jesus and love his teachings but don’t want anything to do with “Mormonism” and have some very strong and upset feelings, which I totally get.  But people within the church are also all over the place; ask anyone in it what they think about the Sabbath Day and what they feel is appropriate to do, what they think about garments and when and how they should be worn, how they should pay tithing and on what, or what callings they’d be willing to accept and you’d get a million different answers. Whether we’re actively engaged in this particular church, adamantly opposed to it, in another church, neutral, agnostic, or atheist, my overarching hope is that we can just be ourselves.  And hopefully friends.

Just last week I felt hurt a couple of times over this.  A young person I’d shared a heartfelt religious discussion with over Christmas acted as if we were strangers when I came to her line she was working; in fact, she was a little hasty and short with me.  Another rejected my offer to be friends online.  Which is all fine, heaven knows I’m not the right fit for everyone.  Maybe our religious differences play into it.  Maybe I’m too much.  I don’t know because we haven’t talked about it, but I have of course wondered what went wrong, where did I mess up, and why does religion have to be a thing?

I wish it didn’t have to be so touchy, but religion is an emotional issue.  We can see it as the obvious catalyst behind many wars and contentions between countries, family members, friends, and even strangers. But I don’t think it has to be so controversial and so divisive.  We’re simply seeing the world and interpreting it through different lenses based on our personalities and life experiences.  There’s no harm in that, there’s no reason we can’t accept, allow, and welcome that in our relationships.

In my mind, it is naturally easier when we’re socializing with like-minded people, whether we’re talking about school board issues, political candidates, athletics, books, or religion.  Of course.  Because you don’t have to check yourself, you can just say whatever you think and not have to worry about how it comes across because everyone else at the table feels the same way.  Easier, yes.  But better?  How much do we learn, stretch, think, sympathize, question, ponder, or change when we stick with people, mindsets, and situations that are simply an extension of ourselves?

This is precisely why I insist on trying to go beyond what’s comfortable. While it’s a little scary, I really don’t want to remain where it’s simply safe and easy.  I want to stretch, I want to hear another perspective—lots of perspectives.  I want to know what I don’t know.  I want to hear what my friends and others are thinking, going through, experiencing, questioning, believing or not believing.  I know honesty and openness can be risky and intimidating, I feel that very poignantly.  But so is everything worthwhile in life: friendship, marriage, parenting, accepting a new job, trying a new hobby.  It’s an investment.  We put in a little effort and hope for the best. Successful people aren’t content to stay the same.  They push themselves into the unknown and take a chance.  And I can’t think of anywhere that matters more than in relationships.

I’m like you.  I have many family members and friends who don’t believe the same as I do, and I don’t see the world exactly as they do.  And I don’t know what the right formula is for navigating all this is, but I feel like my relationships with these loved ones are just getting stronger and closer.  Many of them are familiar with the church and its culture because most of them grew up in it or have been around it.  I love that we can talk about it in general terms because they obviously know the structure and many of the same people as I do; we actually laugh about our funny culture a lot too.  But most of my friends and I don’t talk about actual doctrinal differences we have unless we’re one one-on-one and it comes up.  I love listening to them, truly love it.  But I never want to push religion.  Maybe it’s wrong, but as the one who is still in it, I want to defer to them and their comfort level.  And maybe that really is wrong.  Maybe I should be asking more questions and bringing it up.  And yet I never want them to think religion ever needs to be part of our friendship equation.  See? I have no idea. :)

It makes me so sad and a little irritated when people who have had loved ones leave say they don’t have anything in common or to talk about anymore. And yet I of course get it, I see what they’re saying; I just don’t feel the same.  Our particular religion is pretty consuming; it infiltrates nearly every aspect of our lives and plays into so many of our decisions, yes.  But there is a whole world around us to share.  Just because our religious beliefs tend to be a very large presence in our lives, we are still living in a very complex, beautiful, enriching, expansive time and world.  There is so very much to bind us together, to share, to talk about, and to experience with one another.  Let’s talk about trips we want to take, where we’ve lived, our hobbies, shows, books, articles, podcasts, passions, health trends, heartaches, parenting, disappointments, our upcoming graduations, being empty nesters, going back to school, retirement, our aging bodies, dreams, projects, kids, sports, music, concerts, recipes, school, jobs, grandkids, our pasts, our aspirations… goodness! Just like politics doesn’t have to come up, neither does religion.  And yet, if you’re that kind of friend or family, think how enriching it could be if we did allow for and expected and engaged in respectful and reciprocal sharing.

I just refuse to believe our differences—whatever they are in life—should become labels.  We’re seeing how detrimental and upsetting this has been in our current culture, and it’s no good.  I vote we shun anything or anyone who tries to make us adhere to such one-dimensional tags; we are more than churchgoers or avoiders, more than our political leanings, more than where we live, work, or visit, more than our upbringings and more than what people think they see.  We’re multi-faceted, fascinating, evolving, and emotional beings.  We have so much to experience and enjoy and learn during our short time on earth, and I would a million times rather do it all with an open mind and heart surrounded by people I love.  I long for a world and a life where we are more than our differences.  I just want to be friends.