It’s been this way for years now once school goes back, but especially the past couple. Callum and Bronwyn have mowed lawns together for several years, but with B having cross country, and Callum having two other after-school jobs, it’s after 7 before he can get to the lawns he’s committed to. Most days he goes from one job to the next; leaving at 6:20 a.m. and getting home past dark, those 14 hour days get pretty long, with homework on top of it all.
As a mom, I play my role intentionally even as it looks like I’m just hanging out in the background. More than anything, I want the kids to feel loved. But also to be competent, independent, and confident in their own abilities. And so I stay out of most of their business.
Before they could drive, I would take them to do their lawns and we would finish up in the fading autumn evenings. I actually enjoy mowing and weeding; I grew up in an apartment and never learned to mow a lawn until after I started having kids. But it quickly became my household job since I was the one home all day, and I came to relish the satisfaction of it all.
The past couple of years I’ve been helping the kids weed at one of Todd’s clinics; it’s large and always needs some care, something they don’t always have time for when they have several lawn jobs in a day. Since I don’t mind weeding, it’s a tiny way to help them out. So this past Friday I ran over early while they were at school and just tidied up a bit. Which led to tree trimming, which obviously resulted in a huge mess of leaves and debris. So I texted Callum and asked him if he would just blow all of it off the sidewalks and clean things up for me when he came later that night. To which he replied, “Yeah.” Pause. Then a little later, “If you could mow a lil that would be so helpful.”
I had planned in my day to help a friend pack, I’d been washing rugs and bedding, cleaning three bathrooms and tidying the house getting things ready for our college kids to come. I’d just made dinner, I was in the middle of grating zucchini, and I had a mess and a pile of dishes on my hands. But then she canceled and I found an extra bit of time. I had the thought that I could totally fit in a little service for my son. It was only 5, no one else would be home for hours. Wouldn’t it be so nice if Callum could come home a little earlier tonight and just be with us, wouldn’t that be such a fun surprise to see some of his work done like the shoemaker and the elves?
And so I hopped in my van and headed over to Todd’s clinic for the second time that day and went to work. I had showered only a handful of hours before and here I was in the hottest part of the day. But it felt good in a hard sort of way to move around and to be outside in nature.
I didn’t do all of it; I left him the back section. But I felt like I had acknowledged his load. I felt glad I could help in the smallest way. It made me smile to think of what his reaction would be. Later on he sent me the text, “Thank you mom. Ur the best. Did you get some soda?” I didn’t know what he meant by that until later; he likes to treat himself to a soda after work and hoped I had done the same. So cute.
But as I was finishing up under the pine trees, the final stretch, I thought about the simple gesture of a mom helping a son in really such a tiny way and wondered what I would say if he wanted to thank me. I’ve never taken money; I just tell them to divide it up between them. I dug deep and thought hard about what kind of token of appreciation a mom like me would even want.
And it occurred to me that the best gift he could ever give me would be to simply live what we’ve taught him. That surprised me, and I challenged it because I hate manipulation and passive-aggressiveness. Was that what this was? Was I just wanting to live worry-free and easy during this last little stretch with my teenagers? But no, I admitted that wasn’t where this was stemming from at all. As I examined my final answer from all angles and asked myself why this was my conclusion, I realized it had nothing to do with my comfort or pleasure or how I would look as a parent. All I want as a mom is for my kids to be full of love, for themselves and others. And I easily recognized that this is exactly how true happiness is achieved: by being kind and hard-working, honest and generous, just basic goodness. I decided in that moment that is all the gratitude I’d ever want.
And I immediately thought of Heavenly Father and Christ and where this idea had originated, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” I smiled. How interesting. It wasn’t until this moment when I was suggesting the same in my mind to my own son that I finally understood. I realized they were invested in my happiness and success and confidence just as I wanted those same things for my children. It wasn’t so they could play the part of an accomplished leader or parent, it was because they understand that when we are following their loving advice, we will be truly happy because we will be filled with and radiate love. As a parent, I can’t think of anything I’d want more for my children than for them to know who they are and to live in peace and joy. I considered this as I hauled the bulging plastic yard bags full of grass clippings and pushed the mower back to the truck. How often do we dismiss the simple yet straightforward counsel of our parents because we erroneously believe they just want to control us? It has taken me stepping into this role, so many years into my parenting, that I recognized the admonition to follow Him, to keep His commandments, has nothing to do with our Father in Heaven or our Savior needing strokes from us. Their kind, wise pleas are based entirely in love for us, knowing that if our hearts are directed toward them, if we are living as they’ve taught, we will be filled with joy and love, which is exactly what I want for my own children. How grateful I am for the quiet prompting to do a little mowing on an early summer evening. Not only did my love for my son grow as I served in a small way, but my love and gratitude swelled for my Heavenly Parents and their Son who are so generous and patient as I’m slowly learning to love as they do.
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