Avery's chores

We were talking about the upcoming weekend as a family.  Bronwyn respectfully asked to bow out of her chores, being it was her birthday.  Avery suggested that since it was her graduation, she should have a week off too.  Which made us all chuckle.  She has nearly every week of her life off.

Which is totally our fault, I know.  She is just such a good kid in nearly every other way that it’s been easy to let chores slide.  We remind her starting on like Thursday; I know she has good intentions.  But she’s barely home, and when she is, she’s sleeping or running to work or staying up late finishing a project.  Friday nights she comes home from work, showers and heads out again.  Saturdays she sleeps and heads to work, and repeats.  So we’ve told her she’ll just have to do them on Sunday, which you know I hate.  And most of the time it doesn’t even happen then because we’re doing stuff as a family and she’s sleeping.  We’re bad. So bad.

So we told her straight up she’s crazy.  She rarely ever does her chores anyway, why should she get a week off when every week is a week off?  She retorted, “I’ve gotten 100% better at doing my chores lately.”  Which is somewhat true.  She’s made an effort the past month; I’ve seen her with the broom, I’ve noted the bathroom mirror is occasionally free from water marks.  But then I reminded her of the other parts of her chores that she isn’t doing like dusting the whole house.

And then I felt a little bad.  God isn’t like that at all.  He celebrates our achievements and progress, no matter how small.  He never dismisses our efforts on his way to point out what else we’re missing.  How sad that I would do that.

Because it made me think of all the millions of things I’m not getting quite right.  But that I’m better at than I used to be.

I think of all the mornings I just somehow skip my prayers until I’m driving away, that I don’t read anything spiritual all day and then try to cram in a little just before I turn off the light.  Days that I ignore ideas to check in on friends or when I get sucked into some mindless trivia.  Times when I’m condescending or full of myself and pride or when I succumb to negativity and pity.

But I have to agree with Avery, I’m 100% better than I used to be.  We never used to say night prayers as a family at all, growing up or in our earlier days of marriage and family; but now we’re pretty regular.  I never thought to pray about regular life stuff at all until a few years back, but now I ask about all sorts of things.  I didn’t use to think anything of the ideas I had floating through my head, but now I recognize some of them as promptings that I could follow up on.  And sometimes I do.  I have misused a lot of my free time over the years, but I’m getting better at being aware and monitoring how I spend it.  I’m also getting better at talking myself through my thoughts, asking myself questions and trying to understand what’s going on instead of giving in to hopeless or disparaging feelings.  We council about all sorts of things as a family these days, whereas the tendency could be to just make decisions and tell them how it’s going to be.  I’m getting better at using my words instead of retreating when we have differences of opinion.  I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt and to try to see another point of view instead of being so set in my ways.  In so many respects, we’re all changing and making strides.  Not that we’re all superstars or there yet, just that we’re better than we used to be.

So I loved that Avery would rejoice in the improvement she’s making, reminding us that she’s better than she was.  My sideways comment didn’t ruffle her in the least, she confidently stood her ground, and I conceded that she was right.  We agreed to keep moving forward, I thanked her for getting on it and applauded her efforts.

A valuable reminder that we don’t need to berate ourselves (or others) for what’s lacking.  She knows what she’s supposed to clean (well, we took this opportunity to remind her); she doesn’t need any of us telling her or keeping track of how she’s doing.  And I think we’re that way too.  I obviously have a really good idea of what’s not getting done and where my weak spots are.  And I love that God’s soft and compassionate and accepting as we in essence tell him, “I’m 100% better than I used to be.”  And of course he sees that. He’s the type who praises our attempts, our offerings, and the advances we’re making. He never asks or expects us to be anything close to perfect right now. I love that and want to be that kind of parent as well.