Life tiles

A friend, when I’d texted her about her day, mentioned she’d just had her first mammogram.  To which I responded that she’d just earned a Life Tile.  Of course she didn’t know what I was talking about, who would?  What I meant—and explained—is that she’d done something a little different from everyday life, a bonus experience, the kind that would earn us a tiny cardboard piece in the board game of Life that we’d collect until the end of the game.

I’ve thought of this idea so many times when I or those around me are going through a difficult or growing experience, maybe just a transition, maybe big, many times small.  Just a variety of experiences that enrich or teach, expose us to a different perspective, enlarge our view on the world, expand our knowledge or understanding, provide a little more depth to everyday life.  Triumphs, disappointments, heartaches, accomplishments. All contributing to the person we become.  I guess instead of seeing so many as stumbling blocks or road blocks on the way home, I look at them as little Tiles I can tuck away in my memory to learn from, to derive joy from when life is a little gray, to share with others as they go through similar experiences.  In my mind, none of these experiences is a waste if we use them to heighten our awareness, if we use them for good, if we appreciate that they’re just all part of the mortal experience.  I marvel at the wisdom in this statement, “…all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” Maybe not at the moment, but maybe down the road, maybe to help someone else going through something you’ve already dealt with.

So maybe it’s a mammogram; maybe it’s cancer.  Maybe it’s you, maybe someone else.  Maybe the someone is someone you love more than life.  And you wish it was you instead.

Watching a loved one die.  Attending a funeral.  Visiting someone in the hospital.  Taking flowers to a grave on Memorial Day.  Remembering your dad only in pictures but feeling peace about your relationship.

Saving up.  Taking a long-awaited trip.  Study abroad.  A humanitarian mission.  First plane ride.  First one alone.

Securing a rental car.  Driving in a new city.

Your first apartment. Paying rent. Buying your first house. Signing mortgage documents.  Makes you feel like going out to breakfast and celebrating afterward.  Moving to a new state.

Being new.  At school.  At church.  At everything.

A big kid bed.

Divorce. Maybe your parents’ or maybe yours. Moving out. Dating again after such a long time.  Figuring it all out.  Never figuring it out.

Getting your drivers license.  Losing it.  Giving up driving for good.  Selling your car for the last time.

Being interviewed for the newspaper or a spot on the news.  Starting a podcast.  Or a blog.  Getting published.  Seeing your name in print.

Leaving home and recognizing how much your parents sacrificed for you.  And tried to teach you.  Realizing you’re an adult.  And you should’ve paid better attention.

First day of school.  Every year.  No matter how old you are.  Going back to school as a grown up.

Opening a checking account.  Using your debit card for the first time.

Losing a tooth.  A root canal.  Braces. Dentures.  Oral surgery.

Finishing a quilt.  Refinishing a chair.

Being in charge.  Of an event.  An organization.  Making a tough call.  Loving the people you serve.  Learning from it all.

Installing your new dishwasher.  Replacing a fuse, a windshield wiper, the oil, an engine.

Singing in a choir.  Learning to play an instrument.  Dancing.  Having a solo.

Giving a speech.  Teaching a lesson. 

Graduating from high school. Attending college.  Declaring your major. Even if you don’t leave with a degree.  Getting your GED when you’re older.  Never finished high school.

Learning to ride a bike. Skiing.  Snowboarding.  Surfing.

Writing a letter to the Editor.

Making it through your teen years.  Making it through your kids’ teen years.

Trying out for the team.  Getting cut.  Making it.  Wishing you hadn’t.  Sticking it out.

A first job.  A real paycheck. Starting your own business.  Getting fired.  Filling out tax forms.  Getting a tax refund.

Caring for a spouse or child long-term with no guarantee of full recovery.

Becoming a grandparent.  Listening to others becoming grandparents when you know you’ll never be one.

Letting someone live with you for an extended period of time.

Being able to stand your ground with class and tact when the issue is important to you.

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend; making it official.

Getting married.  Your first real fight.  Sleeping apart.  Making up.

Shaving for the first time.

Writing your life story.

Breaking a bone. Major injury.  Surgery.  A hosptial stay. Flu that keeps you down for a week.  C-section.  Kidney stones.

Learning a different language.  Visiting a foreign country.  Eating new foods.

Signing the papers for a car.  Changing a tire.  Jumping a car for the first time.  Learning to drive a stick.  Driving a really old, ugly, character-building vehicle.

Getting in an accident.  Getting a ticket.  Or a warning.

Road trip.  With roommates.  As a family.  With senior citizen strangers.  With girlfriends.

Painting a room.  Remodeling.  Building a fence.

Planting a garden.  Making jam.  Canning.

Getting a dog.  Losing a dog.  Having an aquarium.  Picking out the fish.

Dropping your kid off at college.  Waving goodbye as you wonder how it came full circle in such a short time.  Remembering your own first week in the dorms.

Camping.  Seeing the national parks up close.

Cooking for yourself.  Cooking for a date.  A spouse.  Making dinner every night.

A first kiss.  A last.

A career switch mid-life.

Fourth of July parade.  Getting it.  Feeling the lump in your throat for the first time.  And every time thereafter.

Positive pregnancy test.  A negative one. A miscarriage.  Your first baby.  Maybe others. Knowing this one’s your last.  Never having kids.

Lifting weights after a mastectomy.  Doing burpies for the first time again.

A snow day

Running a 5K.  Half marathon.  Marathon.  Around the block.  Walking to the mailbox.  Standing up again after being confined to a bed or chair.

Riding a horse

Winning the race.  Losing it.  Coming in dead last.  Trying hurdles or pole vault for the first time. Sticking with the whole track season.

Seeing art in person.

Signing up to be a coach.  Meeting the kids on the first day.

Throwing a surprise party

Living through a fire, an earthquake, a shooting

Been a victim.  Been deceived or taken advantage of.  Rising above it.

Writing a poem or a song.  Painting a picture.  A sketch.  A model.

Prom.  Or not.

Living with roommates.  Meeting them for the very first time.  Knowing you’ll be friends forever.  When you realize how different you are and wondering if you’ll stay friends. Seeing them again when you’re all grown up.  When your kids are all grown up.

Reading a classic.

Learning to swim.  Snorkeling in Hawaii.  Becoming scuba certified.  Going off the high dive.

Losing weight.  Losing your scale.  Letting go of a number.  Accepting yourself.  Being yourself.

Taking care of a parent.  Noticing that you’ve switched roles.  Becoming the parent to your parent.  Moving your parent into a care facility.  And then into the memory unit.

Learning to make bread.

A life-changing accident.  Yours or your spouse’s or your kid’s.  A serious transformation from the life you always knew.  Accepting your new normal.

Watching it all come full circle.  Watching it all through your kids.  And grandkids.  Trick or treating.  Sugar cookies.  Reading the same books you read them when they were small.  Doing it all over again.  Raising your grandkids.

On and on and on.  You can all make your own lists.  These Tiles are what make everyone’s Life experience unique.  At the end of the game, not everyone’s pile looks the same.  None are equal or the same size. Some tiles we’re just given.  We didn’t ask for them, Heaven knows we didn’t want them.  But they’re part of our stack anyway. And they all warrant a tiny acknowledgment, maybe even a celebration.  Not for any other reason than you’re dealing with it all.  You’re learning. You’re stronger than you thought. Or wanted to be. You’re still here, you haven’t given up, you’re willing to stick through whatever comes. In my mind, you’re still in the game.  And if we use what we’ve learned, what we’ve been through, and what we’ve experienced through all the vicissitudes of life, through all the ups and downs, through all the changes and challenges, through all the heartaches and triumphs for good, then we’ve won.