I spent a gloriously simple afternoon doing what maybe some of you were likely doing, putting together pies and cranberry sauce, prepping the stuffing and peeling the sweet potatoes. Christmas music wafting in the background. I spent a little time out (2 hours?) talking to a friend on the phone while I folded laundry, cleaned the blinds, and did a little cooking. Such a beautiful traditional Wednesday before Thanksgiving. As I was washing up the dishes, smelling the cloves and ginger from the baking pumpkin pie, my thoughts naturally drifted to what I was grateful for. It’s what we teach the kids to think about at this time of year, the least I could do was spend some time on it myself.
Generally we’ll take a family night and list all our blessings in our personal journals and then read them aloud and talk about them. But since most of the journals are packed away, we skipped that tradition this year. I knew we’d have a chance around the Thanksgiving table, but in my quiet little kitchen afternoon, I couldn’t help but think of some of the blessings we don’t always talk about.
I think most of us all kind of start out the same: family, friends, a place to live, a job, food, our health, however meager any of those look like. We’re grateful for another day, another year of life.
But then what? I dug deeper. What happened this year? Am I different because of what I experienced?
To be honest, nothing crazy. Cancer was the year before. Sending Andrew out was also over a year ago, so when Mitchell left this fall I knew I’d be ok. My dad died a couple years back. My mom’s new marriage is working out well. We continue to spend money on our vehicle repairs, we have the usual bouts of grumpiness, melancholy, teen talks, overgrown weeds, and messes of all kinds, but honestly, nothing out of the ordinary (other than an unanticipated move). But, even without anything too intense, I questioned if the past year had changed me. What lessons am I grateful for? What specific blessings have I noticed? Here are some that come to mind, in no particular order.
Callum and Bronwyn (13 and 11) finally caught the vision!!! Several times this year they’ve holed themselves in their rooms reading the afternoons away. The older three read all the time growing up, but these two have only ever read for school. For whatever reason, they’ve seen the light and are converted readers. Yay!
Real conversations with the kids. We weren’t as good at this with the older kids, but we’ve become more open and comfortable. And maybe it’s that the world requires it. So much is blatantly screaming at us that we’ve needed to address some heavy issues. I’m grateful for the election year, for instance; we all learned some things. And while I’m distressed that there are so many hard things the kids are exposed to, I’m glad for the foundation we have, and that they can explain their perspectives while we share ours. I’m grateful to know what they’re thinking.
Deeper understanding of prayer. I see that He hears and answers our prayers. Just as soon as I give up holding on to my will, He’s able to move forward and help me. I can’t help but think of that in terms of Todd finding the perfect farm recently. I’d stubbornly wished (and told) him to just let that dream go. It was too far-fetched, too expensive, too unlikely, too much of a stretch for our family. Just be content with our suburban life. We have it so good already. But I finally decided to let go. I know Todd’s heart. He is a good, good person and I realized I’d been selfish by refusing to let him to have a shot at his dreams. Why wouldn’t I want that for him? (Actually I had a whole list of reasons.) So I started including it in my prayers. If it was within Heavenly Father’s plan. I felt confident He and I were on the same page and that Todd would just have to learn we don’t get everything we want. And yet I’d been taught otherwise throughout my life. That sometimes all we have to do is ask. What we want doesn’t always happen, and certainly rarely within our time frame; but I’m learning to ask and to expect, but to trust in His timing. I was hoping His timing would be in the next life, that Todd could run the heavenly farms and tend to the chickens in the hereafter. Alas. I just couldn’t help but notice the nearly immediate correlation between surrendering my will and the ease with which He granted Todd his wish. I felt supremely humbled. And immensely grateful for a blessing I had no idea was in store for us. What else am I missing out on because I am stubbornly holding onto my thinking or way of doing things? I know I still have so much to learn about how this all works.
A grateful fast is easier than asking for something. Fasting is one of the hardest parts of our religion for me. Give me the tough doctrine, the controversial stuff, my faith seems to just accept it in stride. Take away food and I struggle, always have. But this past month we just felt overwhelmingly grateful and decided that would be the focus of our fast. Easiest time I’ve ever had. I don’t know if there’s a connection, but it’s worth considering.
Opportunity to be surrounded with hard working women in my assignment in the Stake Relief Society. Not only do I serve with three of the most humble and genuinely good women I’ve ever met, the four of us have linked hearts and are united. We’ve been able to travel extensively throughout the stake, mingling with hundreds of women near and far, catching a glimpse into what their everyday experiences are. So very, very humbling. Most work long hours. They worry about their children and grandchildren. Many are on their own. They have so many demands on their time and their energy. We listen. We try to encourage them by sharing ideas that might help. We occasionally go on visits with them. But honestly, we do very little. The ladies we serve beside are in the trenches. They are pulled in so many directions and have so much on their minds and carry such heavy burdens in their hearts. There are no words for how much they inspire me. For more than three years we’ve been in and out of their lives. But this year I feel just especially grateful for their examples of selfless service. They are truly some of the most positive, faithful, hardworking women I’ve associated with, and I constantly learn from them.
How good it feels to pray specifically for people by name. Not like we haven’t before, but I think we’re doing it more now. Andrew’s asked us to pray for people he’s met. I’ve been more aware of friends who are struggling with family members or health problems. I’ve appreciated my sisters asking us to pray for their friends. It helps me really think about these situations people are in and helps me have more empathy and compassion for them. It makes me re-think what I ask for.
More time at home. I’ve made a point to be aware of how I give my time away. I have hours of discretionary time every weekday, I’m so fortunate. But in the past I’ve overwhelmed myself to the point that I’m hardly living up to the stay-at-home part of stay-at-home mom. This past year I’ve just tried to pare down my commitments and I’ve been more mindful of what I schedule myself for. I’m not there yet, but I’ve so enjoyed the mix of coming and going and staying.
Andrew’s getting it. A mission has the potential—but no guarantee—to do that. With only nine months left to go, he seems to have left his previous left behind and is basking in the missionary zone. I love that he’s appreciating how difficult life is for people and that he’s had opportunities to serve them and work hard. I’m grateful for letters each week that describe the people he’s come to love and care about. I’m glad he’s making good use of his days. That his priorities have shifted. That he’s figuring out what he believes. I’m so thankful he chose to spend a couple of short years outside of himself.
Profound appreciation for Todd. I feel like as we’ve become more honest, as we’ve cried together and talked and talked late at night and early in the morning, our hearts have become more entwined and I’m more aware of what life looks like through his eyes. I’m so grateful for his selflessness and goodness. We still butt heads and have all sorts of disagreements; but I feel closer to and more in love with him than ever. I know, so cliche. Maybe there’s a reason.
Finding joy in saying I’m sorry. Although not exactly at the moment I’m doing it. It’s usually after the fact. But I’m grateful for the chance to work on my pride. To view life through the eyes of my friends and husband. That they accept my apologies. And me. I’m grateful that I’ve had to do this so much more this year. I don’t know if I’ve just been more thoughtless with what I’ve said this year or I’m just becoming more aware of how I might be hurting others’ feelings. But I’m grateful for the (embarrassing and painful) practice. This has been super hard for me to do, but I think it’s getting easier.
Being humbled by a visiting teaching experience, recommitting me to do better. I didn’t realize visits made such a difference. I’m grateful for the women I’ve become friends with through visiting teaching and how accepting and loving they’ve been. And for the reminder to make it a priority and not slack just because we’re already friends.
Naps. Not everyone has this luxury. I feel so lucky and indulgent when I nestle down on our leather couch with a puffy pillow and soft quilt for a little mid-afternoon 20 minute siesta. It’s just what I need to make it over the hump and to be a little more even-tempered when the afternoon and evening chaos hits. I’m so grateful I can fall asleep super quickly and that they are so powerful.
More confidence to say what I think and believe, about everything from education and reading to the power of mothers and my faith. This year has tested my faith more than any other. Not rocked me exactly, just that I’ve really questioned if what I’ve subscribed to my entire life is real. Is this just all made up, have I been duped or brainwashed? Is God real? Is Christ who he says he is? I mulled all this over for about a month. And I realized that I’ve always known these things. Taken them for granted. The greatest truths of the entire universe, I’ve had them in my mind and heart my whole life. No great manifestation, no talk or lecture confirmed or answered my queries. Just a quiet conviction that yes, it’s all true. Whether we choose to believe it or not, it’s all true. I am grateful. For a patient and loving Heavenly Father who knows what it’s like to be in this world and to question. And for the perfect way He lets us know He’s there.
An invitation to serve more in the temple. This was sort of funny to me, to be called in and asked to be a volunteer over a year or so ago. But I’ve been humbled working in the laundry. I see how far so many workers travel—many come from Eastern Montana or Wyoming every week (and have for 16 years). They’re of course retired, some women come all on their own through ice and snow. I hear the stories of their lives, where they’ve lived, what’s happened to their kids and their husbands. I can’t help but think I need to do more. I live so close. I have so much. They inspire me. Recently, we were asked to help with another assignment. I had to sort of smile inside. I couldn’t help but think, “Where much is given, much is required.” How fitting. We’ve been so exquisitely blessed. I’m grateful to be shown how to give just a tiny bit more. Interestingly, last year before I was asked to become a volunteer, I had been praying to know how to incorporate the temple more into my life. Again, be careful what you pray for. Make sure you're ready for His answer.
Unexpected friendships with older women at church, grandma types who somehow know my name. One pulled me aside just the other week and told me how grateful she was for my friendship. Honestly, we’ve never really talked much at all. I always call her by name and say hi to her, it’s what anyone would do; but it made me realize how such small exchanges really can make a difference. I love the times we’ve had dinners or activities together, the chances we’ve had to mingle and get to know each other. I appreciate their wisdom and relate so much more comfortably with them than women my own age. I love remembering my own grandma, they remind me of her. And I love talking about the past. Even though I was still a kid when they were grown ups, we have still experienced so much history in our lives, and I appreciate being able to talk about it all with them. I had an 80 year-old partner I’d visit with every month. She told stories about her life as a mom back when she was my age. I loved the wisdom, the quiet and slow manner with which she imparted meaningful lessons from the years. I gleaned so much from her shared experiences.
Learning that I’m not alone, that God will always support us. Being asked to speak in Stake Conference (an audience of several hundred) and given just under a week to prepare is likely a daunting task for anyone. This was a humbling experience, given the nature of the topic (gossip) and the timeframe I had to do it within. I worked on gathering my thoughts, stories, and ideas intensively. As the week ended, I wanted to be sure it had God’s approval. I didn’t know how to know that. But then I thought to myself, I’ve put in the hours, I’ve prayed extensively. I got a blessing to be directed. I went to the temple. I tried to focus on Christ. At that point I had done everything I felt I could do. And I felt peace. It wasn’t a masterpiece, nothing memorable. But it solidified my gratitude for how God will fill in for us when we do what we can. We are so weak, so imperfect, so young, so naive. And yet God somehow works with us and accepts what little we have to give and uses it for good. I loved seeing that in action this spring, it thrilled me to know I don’t have to be afraid of big assignments in the future. From this tiny experience I know I can do whatever He needs. Although I still have my preferences as to what that would look like.
Trek. He came through again when we were asked to be a ma and pa. Last thing in the world I felt up for. But, as before—and as always—He carried us. All we had were willing hearts. I’ll always be grateful for the trust He had in us, for the beautiful experience we were blessed with. I would’ve never signed up for it, but I’m thankful He knows what we need.
Home teachers who leave their families and consistently come. For thoughtful treats, for just reminding us that we’re not forgotten, for inspiring us to do better in our own spheres of influence.
Our kids’ friends. This is maybe what I’ve missed the most since Mitchell’s gone to college. As we’ve been together for Thanksgiving, I’ve basked in their togetherness, the easiness with which our families flow from one house to the next, the comfort and familiarity we all feel with each other. I delight in the carefree banter as we play games and catch up just as much as the thought-provoking conversations over dinner. I will miss seeing the four of them together: two college freshman with their two high school sophomore sisters. Shopping, watching movies late into the early morning, taking personality tests, asking each other for advice, just melding into a foursome of brothers and sisters. I’m so very, very grateful for these and other strong friendships that have made it through so many years.
Closer connection with Heavenly Father and Christ. Maybe it’s a culmination of a million tiny habits over the years; but most likely I’m just holding on tighter to what I know is real, those I can really count on as this world seems to be spinning out of control. I have learned some new things in my studies, but mostly I’ve felt the spirit confirming over and over that they are real, that they are intimately concerned with the affairs of my life and my family. I trust them completely and I rely on them daily.
Along with feeling a deeper love for them, I’ve felt especially grateful for the atonement this year. I’m in awe of its power and feel ashamed I’ve taken it for granted all my life. I barely know anything about it, and I know I’ve missed out by not accessing it better or more. I’m just grateful for the little bit I’ve learned this year and for the difference it makes in even regular everyday life.
As poignant as the moments of a year are, as the days and weeks turn into months, the years string together to the point that it’s all sort of a warm fuzzy memory. Most of you are probably way better at this than I am, but every year it gets harder and harder to recall the details of my life. With all I’ve been able to experience and learn, with all the blessings we acknowledge in our lives, I’m grateful most of all for the counsel to write it all down. Elder Eyring shared the following,
I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.*
I can’t imagine not being able to recall these simple yet profound blessings down the road simply because I failed to jot down a note or two about them as they happened. And so I’m deeply indebted to those who encourage us to etch them permanently in our minds.
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