"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
- Aristotle
I’m not sure what he was really referring to here. I’m no brainiac or scholar. I just live inside my head a lot of the time. To me this quote means we can hear others out. We can listen with an open mind. We can examine both sides of an issue. We can appreciate where someone is coming from. Even if we don’t agree. Or change our opinion. But we show maturity and class when we can put aside our agenda for even just a moment and listen. Without trying to point out where they’re wrong. Or convince them we’re right.
It’s kind of like me walking through the IKEA showroom. What’s not to love about the tiny living quarters, sleek cabinets, compact storage solutions? Except I wouldn’t want most of it. It’s not really my style. Not to say I don’t like it for someone else’s house, it’s perfect! Just not my level of comfort, what I want to surround myself with. It’s dreamy taking in all the furnishings and designs. My mom’s house is just as beautiful. In a completely different way. Traditional I guess. Black and red and yellow. But contemporary at the same time. Classy. Not over-done, but coordinated and warm. Her bedrooms are French-country, cool, soft blues. Just so comfortable and pretty and inviting. I love her house and the way she decorates. I just don’t want to duplicate the look in my own house.
Just as I appreciate the chance to see various decorating motifs, I like seeing how people run their households and organize their belongings. We’ve all been in a variety of buildings and even parts of the country and world throughout our lives. I imagine we can all appreciate the distinctive looks and feels, foods and cultures. Not one is inherently better. They’re all just different. Based on where they’re coming from, what their traditions and backgrounds are, what feels natural and comfortable to them.
I even like hearing my friends talking about books they love in our book group. I might not want to decorate like or read the same books my friends do, but I can appreciate how their personalities play into their choices. I love our differences. Every single person can teach me something: whether it’s exposing me to a new type of music I didn’t know I’d like or helping me see beauty through a new lens. I love filtering through all I see and experience and then keeping what works for me and jives with where or who I am. And I've gotten some great book recommendations over the years!
It feels like the older I get the more difficult it is to be as stuck in my opinions as I once was. It would seem that we would become even more set in our ways the older we get. And maybe that’s true with our routines, the ways we like to do things. And even with a few key principles. I’ve seen enough and experienced enough years to know what I think about a few basics, ideas like most people feel better when they’re earning their own way and have some skin in the game. Homes should be places of refuge and learning, not showcases. Small but consistent efforts can lead to great results. You can only change what you can control. Just different ideas like that. I’m sold. You probably won’t change my mind. But the older I get the more I can see things from your vantage point too.
I remember back in high school in economics and government. Our teacher wrote a blackboard full of controversial topics and we were allowed to go circle one or two we wanted to tackle, that we related to. But then he just assigned us the rest, including which side we'd argue. Our task was to research and present an argument for that perspective in front of the class. Simple and easy enough. But brilliant. Because it taught us to look at issues from a different angle.
Another teacher in my Male/Female Roles class in high school had everyone raise their hands confirming their stand on either pro-choice or pro-life. As you would suspect, I was the only one in the class that was pro-life. But I loved what she had us do. We were to write an argument on the opposite stand. At first you can’t imagine seeing another side, it’s so black and white and obvious to you. But there is always something you can learn or understand once you let go of what you think you know and even just take a peek at another’s opinion. I doubt it impacted many, but it was a great lesson for me.
The older I get the more I feel my ignorance. I know so much less than I don’t know. I imagine we’re all there. So I don’t understand why we are so cemented in our thinking. Even if we’re basing our opinions on principles, we can at least try to understand the emotions of someone else, open our eyes a little wider to see why her life experiences brought her to this conclusion rather than refusing to listen because we already know what we think. There is a lot of information on both sides of any issue. And we can’t help but be swayed by our pasts, cultures, upbringing, values and experiences. But a good friend or mature person can easily sit back and really listen to what all that background is saying. Why he thinks that, how he arrived at that conclusion. Information is power. It has the potential to shift our thinking. But even if it doesn’t, we are still more compassionate and empathetic when we take time to look at both sides.
It’s like probably most bills or issues in politics. It wouldn’t be hard to make decisions if there was a clear-cut right and wrong or easy solution that would satisfy everyone. Kind of like dinner at our house. But life’s issues are messy. And people have different values and priorities and paradigms. That’s just reality. I loved it when I heard of a new bill proposal. A great idea. Until my friend explained a part of it I hadn’t ever thought of. I was filtering it through my own experiences, not recognizing how it might work in another situation. I completely changed my mind, glad for her insight.
Again, I’m no scholar and I can barely remember anything from my high school or college classes, but I intuitively feel that there is an innate need to be heard. To feel respected, validated. I know that I appreciate it when I feel someone “gets” me, they at least hear me out long enough to see where I’m coming from. Maybe we still won’t agree, but I feel like we’re still friends. Still agreeing to disagree but with a little more understanding.
We’ve all been in each others’ houses and a million others. They just all have different personalities. I love it when it’s a new move-in because inevitably they want to show you around, doesn’t matter if the house is newly built or just new to them. Or when they’re moving out or just had a baby or surgery and you get to clean for them. Or when you just get to that point that you just feel like it’s an extension of your own house. What could be better than taking a peek into someone’s life, how they arrange their kitchens, noticing what they value, learning what makes them feel comfortable, what “home” is to them? I guess it’s because I’m a voyeur at heart that I love a glimpse here and there. And I always take away great ideas. Clever storage, a color that pops, a way to arrange furniture I hadn’t thought of, a fun way of hanging art. A reminder to frame my pictures I keep on my shelf. A little nudge to create something of warmth. And so it’s good. I love the tours, I love our differences. And yet I see so many more similarities than differences. We don’t let our variances in how high we stack our books or what colors we prefer create divisions in our friendships. How silly!
Just because I don’t want to necessary live in a different house doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the tours. Likewise, maybe by this point in your life you're pretty settled in your views. Which is fine. But we don’t hesitate to let a friend show us around her house. We are gracious in acknowledging her way of displaying her treasures and, similarly, we can be gracious as she gives us a tour of her mind and thought processes. Let her. It doesn’t mean we have to re-decorate. But it might give us something to think about. And maybe even tweak.
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