Behind the scenes of an LDS family

This one is for those of you don’t go to the same church as me.  And who can handle long-winded writings.  Don’t stop here and don’t worry, no doctrine, no silly stuff, I’m not trying to convert you.  I’m good with our differences.  This isn’t about our doctrine, it’s just to give you a behind-the-scenes glimpse into what we’re doing when we aren’t at a school board meeting or running the kids to art lessons.  And why maybe it seems like our heads are in a million places at once.  We are committed; you can depend on us when we say we’ll be there.  But there are reasons we can’t say yes to everything we’d like to or that we’re only able to play a small part.  We’re like you—we have a lot going on and we’re all just figuring out what we can handle, what will work, and how to juggle the rest. I just thought you might find it interesting to see what a week in the life of our LDS family might look like.

We have three teens and two elementary school aged kids at the moment, so life has evolved over the years, providing us a wide range of experiences.  Obviously every family has different needs and makes unique contributions, that all varies with the stages of the family.  In all we do, the church programs are to support the family, and so sometimes we choose to forgo something the church is doing because we need to be with our families.  But here’s a rough idea of what we’re currently doing in a typical week, at least as far as the church stuff goes.  And keep in mind, every family is different.  There’s no such thing as typical!

So starting with Mondays, we have Family Home Evening.  No other meetings or activities are scheduled on Monday nights.  It’s a time to gather as families in the home and talk about doctrine, do service, teach principles, work on home projects like the garden or landscaping an area, visit people, or have other families over.  So many demands pull at our families these days that this is a valuable opportunity to set aside one night a week to just enjoy one another’s company.  If we have sports or other conflicts, we’ll sometimes do a lesson on Sunday night and do an activity on Monday night.  It doesn’t have to be formal, it is completely up to the parents to decide what the family needs.  But we generally sing hymns, read from the scriptures, talk about some principle like honesty or prayer (the kids also take turns teaching the lesson as well as doing the other parts), end with a treat (in the summer sometimes we’ll go out for ice cream or have S’mores or a picnic) and play a board or card game or watch a short video (maybe comedy or something uplifting).  Even if religion doesn’t play into the night, it just feels nice to spend time together.  Any family could benefit from something like this.

Usually once a month the women of the church gather on a Tuesday or Thursday night for additional instruction and practical application of principles.   Any women are welcome.  During this time we get to visit informally and learn hands-on skills like maybe bread or pie making, self-defense, or car repair.  We’ve discussed depression and health issues that affect women.  We’ve practiced sewing and making hats and quilts.  We provide service.  We’ve exercised and cooked together.  We’ve learned about computer programs and family history and how to organize our homes better.  We learn to be better mothers and wives and how to strengthen our families.   These are optional, of course, but so much of what I learned as a young mother I picked up from meetings like these.

Once every other month the youth in our town are able to attend the temple on a Tuesday night, an activity few miss.   Several leaders attend with them.  My 9 year old daughter also has Activity Days twice a month on a Tuesday afternoon with other girls her age, where she has done sports, visited a retirement home, learned to crochet and lead music, for instance.

Wednesday evenings my husband and the older kids go to what is recognized as youth group by most churches.  The kids might play games, do service, learn skills, or go on hikes, just a variety of activities.

Thursday nights our 10 year old son has scouts.  Once a month there’s a pack meeting the family attends, same as in all the other packs in the Boy Scout program.  I just got back from spending three full days at Day Camp with 13 Webelos, including an over-nighter.  And Todd heads to Scout Camp for a week in July.  Just worked out that it’s our turn this year; the kids have a great time and we love seeing them outdoors enjoying nature and honing their skills.

Friday nights we might have friends over or attend the temple.  Or go on dates or just hang out as a family.  Watch movies, play games, sometimes go up to the mountains or out for dinner.  Occasionally we’ll have a wedding reception or the ward will have a dinner or a talent show or some other activity, but not too often.

Saturdays are wide open.  We could have an assignment to clean the church building, attend a scout camp or advancement day, take part in a service project, or attend a baptism.  A week not long ago the younger kids had a summer water activity making ice cream and playing water games.  I helped with a dinner for about 50 that evening and had a leadership training that took me from 2 til about 8:30.  Last Saturday we had a breakfast in a nearby park.  But there’s not something every Saturday, it just depends on the week.

Sundays can be pretty full.  We attend worship services and classes (Sunday School) for three hours.  Then there are meetings as presidencies, councils, and committees.  Some can start before 7 a.m.  We might have choir practice.  In the evenings we could have youth discussions or broadcasts or maybe home teaching visits.  My current assignment takes me to the “branches” in Harlowton, Red Lodge, Absarokee, and Belfry, as well as the various congregations in town, training and supporting the ward leaders.  Todd is over the 12 year old boys.  At the moment our Sundays are kind of quiet compared to some years with more intense assignments.

As part of the normal week high school-aged youth also attend seminary each school morning.  Our boys’ class this past year began at 5:50 a.m.  Others start at 6:30 and they all go for about 45 minutes, and they study the scriptures like the Old and New Testaments.  The boys also work on the Boy Scouts of America program and many become Eagle Scouts.  The girls have a similar program which also requires service hours and projects.  They take turns serving in presidencies in their age groups which involves planning meetings and visiting members of their classes or quorums.  The youth may also serve the ward (or congregation) by leading the music or playing the piano (or organ) in the worship service, for instance.  Young boys ages 12 and up prepare and bless and pass the sacrament each Sunday as well.  There are dances, youth conferences, scout and girls’ camps, special week-long Especially for Youth Conferences all over the country, high adventure and monthly campouts, and of course service projects.  They also help clean the church, take the sacrament to those who are homebound, and go home teaching with their dads or other older men monthly.

Nearly every adult member is a home or visiting teacher.  Every family is given two men to watch over them, ideally receiving a home visit each month.  These two companions—beginning at age 12 to 14—help with anything they can within the families they’re assigned to, whether it’s physically with repairs or meals or just emotionally or spiritually buoying them up.  Each companionship takes turns preparing a monthly message—even the young men—and are assigned maybe 3-10 families to visit each month.  The women are organized in the same manner, except they visit and watch over the other women, helping when babies are born or illness strikes or when a loving ear or heart is needed, ideally visiting each woman she’s assigned to in her home and maintaining contact throughout the month.  And each of these families have others assigned to visit them as well, so we’re all taking care of each other, teaching us to both serve and to humbly accept service.

Every part of the church operation takes work—as in all churches, and so nearly every member of the church from age 12 up is extended a “calling” or way to serve for a time.   These callings could involve serving as meeting house librarian, teaching a class, preparing the weekly bulletin, leading the choir, or running the scout or youth program, for instance.  We take turns and gladly accept the opportunities when they come.  We are not professionally trained or paid, but we jump in, follow the handbook and seek revelation and guidance to do what needs to be done.  We work in presidencies and councils, we delegate and serve together. It all works out because we support each other in our learning, acknowledging that we all have different personalities and strengths.

We, like a lot of you, try to keep up in our journals and compile personal histories, study the scriptures and try to find our ancestors.  It’s hard to fit it all in and, to be honest, we rarely get to all of it.  But we do our best to help each other move or with meals when members are sick or have emergencies or new babies or there’s a funeral.   We have a temple in town, and so many of us are able to go frequently.  There are always ways to help: food to make, kids to watch, houses to clean, porches to fix, potlucks, baptisms, Courts of Honor, missionary farewells, etc.  We recognize there are seasons of our lives, and we can't do all of it at the same time.  There's just no way!

I know it sounds crazy to you, but we can’t think of a better way to live.  We support one another as families, we help each other get to where we need to be, we teach classes for one another for vacations or if emergencies arise.  We just do what we can and do our best to maintain a balance, sometimes foregoing a meeting or activity in order to be with our families.  I’ve lived this way for more than forty years, and it has blessed my life and family in countless ways.  I know it might be hard to understand why we do it all, and I know it looks strange.  But I wanted to give you a glimpse into what we’re up to just in case you’ve ever wondered.

I also wanted you to see why we seem wrapped up in our own lives.  That is something I hate and am working on.  As you can see, we have a lot of commitments, but so do you.  Sometimes when we have a break it just feels good to hang out and relax as a family.  It is so easy to relate to other people who are living a similar life.  We have a lot in common, we’re at many of the same activities and spend several hours a week together.  It’s natural to become close to one another and to develop deep friendships.  But it’s so important that we are not exclusionary, and I find myself struggling with this.  I’m a quiet observer by nature.  It’s hard to put myself out there, to invite people over when I’m not sure what our common ground will be. But I try.  And I want to do better.  Maybe we’re all like this in some ways, sticking with our extended family that might live in town or the families in our neighborhood or people that we’re already friends with.   I know we have different ways of looking at life.  Everyone does.  I guess religion is just extra touchy.  And yet, I think we all have a lot more in common than not; most of us are just busy raising our families, worrying about paying for college, trying to fit everything in, hoping our kids are turning out ok.  I know you are busy in your own congregations and families, but over the years we have been so blessed by the friends we’ve made, those of our faith and those of other faiths.  It has been worth it to find the common ground, to spend time together, to let our kids play, and to help each other as neighbors and friends.  So maybe it seems like we’re preoccupied or unfriendly.  I hope not, but just call us on it.  Or better yet, call us and invite yourselves over.  We would love it and are rarely too busy to hang out with a friend.